Friday, June 29, 2007

and all i need right now is intellectual intercourse, a soul to dig the hole much deeper

"sinusundo kita . . . sinusundo . . ."

the day started out okay, although i never thought it would pick up until i received a message from my friend saying that he will visit the office to get his clearance fixed. so i was really looking forward to seeing him. one of the great things i liked and still admire about red was the fact that he kinda got me. he understands me. he doesn't always have to agree with me but the fact you are on the same wavelength with a person, that for me is satisfaction enough.

so he looks for me and i probably have 2 or 3 people telling me that he is looking for me before we actually find each other and we talk and he treats me for coffee. of course, you hear a lot of whispers while we walk along the hallway as i decided to take my early break.

while at Starbucks, and this is the Starbucks where i hung out with asshole exboyfriend, we chance upon Toti, the vocalist of 7days off while he was waiting for their bassist who works where asshole exboyfriend used to work. he joined us in our table and if i were an ass, feeling ko siguro ang haba na ng hair ko. Toti, as it turns out, is a lesbian man*.

so we have this neat conversation about music and bands and lesbians and sexuality and basically, i had a blast.

sometimes you see, conversations kill. conversations can satisfy you, your brain and probably give you an orgasm just by talking to someone who understands you while you talk about anything under the sun. that's exactly how i felt. not necessarily the orgasm part, but i felt a certain high that no drug could provide. just coffee and cigarettes.

kaya OverBreak.

if i could just find a lifetime partner whom i can share that with, i can die peacefully.

*lesbian man - a guy who hangs out with lesbians, just like a fag hag. remember Alice in the L Word, she dated this guy who would rather use a dildo then stick his penis in her vagina while they were doing it

Thursday, June 28, 2007

ako ay pinanganak na torpe diyan sa tabi-tabi (or, Arnel, is that you?)

i can't believe i froze. and the bad thing about it is that i know i'll never have that opportunity again.

this happened a few days ago: i had to switch FXs because the first FX i rode on ran out of gas. the second FX had to go back and shit. the third FX had "Arnel" on board. he was right in front of me. and i just sat there. whatever happened to the Great Bels, huh?

Arnel?

he kinda looks like his name is Arnel. he probably is a John, or Mark or Michael or Rommel. but he looks more like an Arnel to me.

anyway, i have been practicing these lines in my head but i didn't have the balls (technically i don't really have any) to spit it out that i love him (NOT!), i mean, that i want to make friends with him (and be the future mother of his children bwahahaha) and you know, just chill. maybe have a cup of coffee and a couple of cigarettes.

i just want to be friends. textmates. Friendster connected or what have you. nothing wrong with that right? we'll never know if it was the start of a beautiful friendship or something more meaningful than that.

but i lost it. i so lost it. what can i say? despite all my best efforts, torpe pa rin pala ako.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

what the?!

last night, i wanted to see my crush so i made sure i stalled enough in order for me and my new MRT crush to be in the same train at the same time and i wanted to make that when he saw me, it wouldn't be awkward because i'd be so cute and pretty.

imagine how pissed off i was when i saw my ex, my recent one, the asshole, waiting on the same spot where i normally get my train ride. he's still cute and hot and he still looks yummy but i feel nothing but anger: my heart, my time, my love, my The L Word cds!!! my money!!!

break: while typing this, i get a comment from Julius, a guy from work, that i keep on talking to myself, and he asked me why i do. sometimes my conversations with myself are more interesting than the ones i have with actual people.

but then i thought to myself, if i were to forgive him like i said i would, i would have to let go of things. i would have to learn to forget.

but isn't that the first thing you noticed about me, Russell, my good memory?

i'll learn, i'm a fast learner. i'll learn to forgive you AND forget that you hurt me.

i mean, i want so bad for you to do good and be happy more than my own, even though it sucks big time. i want you to do good in your work even if means having to pray for everyone in this country to have pancreatic cancer just so you can sell your medicine. i want your kid to grow up not like you, because while you're a yummy bastard, it doesn't change the fact that you're a lying cheating horny bastard with no respect for women nor any regard for other people's feelings.

yeah, i can learn to forgive you. i will learn to trust again. i will learn to love again. and this time, whoever that person is, he/she will deserve it.

i swear, when i remember you, i can only think of My Chemical Romance.

Helena

Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you
Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

[Chorus]
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold

And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

[Chorus]
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

[Chorus]
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

I Don't Love You

Well, when you go
Don't ever think
I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I didYesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"
Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

a morning with imago and sugarfree

i got to watch 2 of my favorite bands last friday morning and even if i didn't get to catch any sleep, it was damn worth it. i missed typecast's set, though.

i even got to talk to the band members and guess what, they still remember me.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Sugarfree played songs from all three albums, Mariposa, Dear Kuya, Prom, Burnout and some other songs i can't remember right now.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Imago members Myrene, Zach and Aia still remember me, they asked me whatever happened to my law degree. or something. they covered Bakit Ba Ganyan, Ewan and Spoliarium and performed songs from all three albums including my favorite, Sundo.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

oh, and we took individual shots too. zach was even suprised because i suddenly had a Visayan accent.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

anyway, the day turned out fun the way i wanted it to be, even if not all of my friends were there. there's always a next time. see you when that happens.

Friday, June 08, 2007

a tale of two Russells

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

i checked on my Friendster account because i was hoping Russ Davis* would accept my invasion, err, invitation. i wanted him to answer my message. guess who answered my message.

sirit na?

my exboyfriend, or shall i say fiend, said i'm sorry.

i have forgiven him. i just can't forget. i've moved on. i think.

i was moving my stuff from my old locker in the 18th floor so i could move it to the 19th floor and i was sorting my stuff. i suddenly saw this ticket: it was the ticket for the movie he watched with her and i was expecting to cry but i didn't. i couldn't. i didn't feel as bad anymore. i'm okay now.

i'm so okay, i can post his picture here now and not feel anything.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

except maybe remorse. i could've given that my time to someone else more deserving of all that love and attention.

remember Russell, what goes around comes around.

anyway, Russ Davis did answer my message. i'm so happy. i'm happy as happy can be.

*Russ Davis is a DJ from NU107.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

when God closes a door, She opens a lot of peep holes

i didn't get the promotion i applied for.


but i'm okay. i guess they didn't think i was ready to take the extra responsibility.


i should've told them that this job saved me, and i needed the promotion more than anyone.


this job gets me as far away from my Dad as possible.


this job makes me forget that i don't have anyone.

this job makes me feel sorta alive.

why is it that you can never get everything you want? can't you get a successful relationship AND be in a meaningful relationship with another human being?

i remember that when i was trying to write my letter of intention to apply for the promotion, i was wracking my brain so hard, i looked up to the sky and said, "Lord, meaningful relationship na lang!"

so when this pop up box came up that somebody else got the position, i kinda felt relieved in a sense, because it suddenly dawned on me how life-changing that would be. and also, that would mean only one thing:

MAGKAKA-BF NA'KO!!!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

i'll be the stalker, you'll be the stalkee, TAKE 2

remember ethan garcia, you know, that guy that i like to follow in the MRT? well, i don't see him anymore.

i have a new crush in the MRT.

and i feel like stalking him too. well, i don't stalk people anymore. i don't want to be stalked so i don't stalk others.

makes sense?

i always see him in the MRT and i know where he goes down and there are times, unlike ethan garcia who just has this blank expression on his face, this guy actually reacts. i could've sworn i saw him smile like he was really happy to see me.

there was this one time when he sat down at my favorite spot, because i do have one, and he couldn't look at me after he did that. then there was this one time where he almost sat beside me and then hesitated but i did catch him taking glances at me.

let's call him "arnel". i'm not sure if that's his name, but he looks like an "arnel".

anyway, i'm thinking if i should say hi or strike up a conversation or anything. he looks nice and i look like i'll achieve progress.

i think.

oh well, carpe diem.