Thursday, May 31, 2007

my first gay bar encounter

yes, i did.

because there are things , no matter how embarrassing they are, that you should try to do, for once in your life.

since i've been to a girlie bar, i had to say that i tried visiting a gay bar, at least. got in touch with my feminine side. or my gay man side. whatever. now, unlike guys who get aroused my mere sight, you do understand that women, need to be touched, even just the slightest of touch, to get aroused.

if you don't have a budget, and you're a woman, lugi ka. everything else is much cheaper for the gay man in a gay bar: drinks, entrance fee, table rates, etc. i think that's why they call it a gay bar, duh? because it caters to gay men, duh?

there was this guy who looked interesting and he kept giving me the eye while he was in the blessed aquarium, the kind that said, "pick me, choose me, 'table' me!!!" he looked liked he genuinely liked me. but then again, he could've probably given everybody that look like he liked them. he seemed very sweet and nice. but then, if i invited that guy to our table, what the hell will we talk about? he'll put his arm around me, i'll put my hand on his lap and we'll pretend to love each other for the duration of the hour because it's part of his job and i'm a paying customer.

nah, not my style.

besides, i'm into tall, thin guys whose abs and ribs stick out so you can hug everything. "hapon" (because he had it tattooed on his leg thigh, old english font) had a really big built, you know, the kind who will just man-handle you if you don't hand him over his tuition fee/beer money/counter strike play money, etc, and i don't like that.

like i mentioned here before, it's not easy earning a living like that. it takes guts, lots of it, to have to strip off and show your wares like that in front of people who only want you for your body, not for your brains, or your sweet attitude or your nice singing voice. they pay to watch you take off your clothes; they pay so you can pretend you're into gay men, lonely older women; they pay so you can be less human.

i'd 'table' hapon if i had the money. but i can't stomach going back there. or the girlie bar. or anywhere that has a similar nature. it would probably help hapon feed his family or continue his studies. but i can't help him that way. i don't like men treating women like meat so i don't treat men like meat either. i can only pray for hapon and the other young men in the same profession. i just wish i don't see him or any one of them on a regular day. it would be hard to keep a straight face.

jeez, that Michael Learns to Rock song is still wringing in my ear.

i'm back!

sad to say, i didn't drown. i almost did, but somebody saved me, so i am here, in the flesh, back with a vengeance!

and i have this cool henna tattoo on my back . . .

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yes, i am Charmed.

it rained in puerto galera the whole day saturday afternoon so i didn't get to do my walk-on-the-beach-alone time. no reminiscing, no soul searching, no poetry or song writing. but i had fun. that trip gave me an opportunity to find out more about the people i work with and a few things about myself as well. i got a new lump on my head, i slipped and fell hard on my butt, i almost drowned. but i'm good. i'm great. i've never been better. honest.

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before you tell me that i'm such a loser, i've finally been able to watch Spider-man 3. i thought it was hilarious. i thought the black Spidey costume was cool too. anyway, i won't expound on it because probably 3/4 of the whole world's population has seen this, Shrek 3 and Pirates of the Carribean 3 so it's anti-climactic. oh, and Miss Japan is the new Miss Universe.

question is: now that the Green Goblin is dead, will there be a Spiderman 4?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

i need to be saved

i haven't been able to write about anything lately because i'm currently devastated with the things that are happening in my life.

i don't have a maid. that kinda means that i have to do errands at home after i've already been exhausted to talking to my irate customers all night.

my friends aren't exactly giving me anytime anymore, well, the ones at work anyway. we don't hang out like we used to. they're too busy with other things, things that don't have anything to do with me. it's not like i don't have any other friends. it's just that, when you work together and you do spend more time at work than you do anywhere else, it's just disappointing if there's this gap or invisible wall.

i'm thinking too, if i should leave this place and "sell" my talents, i mean, apply somewhere else, somewhere i can be appreciated. i mean, people appreciate me here, but then, they don't appreciate me enough, despite the hard work i'm investing in this God-forsaken place. i mean, how many times have i been overlooked for somebody else? how many people have i helped but got ahead before i did? how many stupid people got rewarded for something i can do better?

Bitter Ocampo, is that you?

i've said here before, and i'll say it again, sometimes it pays to be the bad guy. you take other people for granted, you step on people on the way up and you get a medal for it. you do your job, you help others along but you get nothing. zilch. pfft. nada.

and while i'm being bitter, i hate the fact that there are so many rotten people out there, so many people who don't deserve to be loved but have a "so-called love life". i don't have one. the last one i thought i had wasn't even love, it was a mutual understanding to like each other and be "faithful" to each other but then, where is that asshole now?

i need to be saved. i need to unwind. i'm looking forward to the outing that the office is holding. it gives me sometime away from people, it's a big resort. i can escape, for just a little bit.

beats just watching TV all day and having your mind go blank and thinking about things and people that don't deserve to be thought about.

beats sitting in front of the computer being bitter, writing about being bitter.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

watdahel happened to Eddie Furlong?

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remember Edward Furlong, from T2: Judgment Day? yes, that cute kid that ordered Ah-nold not to "terminate" himself by jumping into the burning liquid metal pit. so he cries and he's such a cute kid teaching the Terminator how to say "asta la vista, baby!" and then he grew up to be Nick Stahl on the third terminator. not that Nick Stahl looked bad but, wasn't he such a cute kid?

so every Sunday, i watch the CSI marathon and for CSI: NY, i see this really cute but slightly chubby and stubbled (did i spell that right?) Eddie, trying to avenge his brother's death. he plays Shane Casey, a young man embroiled in a case where a serial killer uses the codes and stories found on a series of trendy t-shirts as inspiration for his grisly killings. apparently his brother was wrongfully accused and there was only one witness who testified against him. his brother died in prison while serving his sentence and Shane is out to kill all those people whom he felt had something to do with his brother's death.

he looks washed up but he's still cute. it's a good thing we see him on TV again.

darn, i wish i could see Vincent Kartheiser on TV again. they almost look alike.

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di ba?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

badminton bels

i've been playing badminton for a couple of months now and i can't really say i've lost weight or anything. i just do it to clear my head, you know, off shit.

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it's actually fun although it could be a bit tiring since we play the games after shift. but it's fun, so fun. i never thought i had it in me. but then again, i've always been athletic so there shouldn't really be a problem



i hang out mostly with my badminton buddies Joanne, Johanna, Mara and Francis. every once in a while, Nash, Anj, Monica and my crush, Red, joins us.

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Maria Sharapova is my heroine, although she plays tennis, not badminton. maybe if i play real hard, i can go pro.

nah.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

did you see this episode of SNL?

i love jake gyllenhaal. he looks like my ex, E, if she had been a man.i couldn't resist being glued to the TV when i saw him open SNL. i mean, more often than not, the jokes in SNL, i can't get because they're either too deep or i've gotten rusty. but this scene is, damnit, it's hilarious i don't mind seeing it over and over again.

this only shows how talented he is, lipsynch or not. it's way better than seeing Ashley Simpson make a fool of herself in SNL. the man is wearing a big-hair wig and a dress. as Quark Henares would put it, "alavet!"

***
After more than a year of waiting, Orange and Lemons will finally be releasing their third album, Moonlane Gardens. it will be a blast. can't wait.