Wednesday, March 21, 2007

sony ericcson K510i, take 2

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three months ago today, i lost my phone. that was four days after i bought it. i wasn't careless; i didn't just leave it some place and forget about it. i put it in the second drawer of johanna's pedestal. johanna is a team leader where i am working and she is also my friend. she also happens to be the TL most people are scared of so you can just imagine my surprise when someone had the galls to steal my phone from her drawer.

i was devastated since i used my quarterly bonus to get the phone and it was so hard to haggle with my dad just so he could "release" my money. i couldn't really rely on my debtors to pay up so i could buy a new phone since they're so busy buying themselves ipods and cellphones instead of paying me.

so it took a long wait before i could buy this new one. i got distracted a bit but i now have my priorities straight. call me bitter, but i want everything to be new: my phone, my hair, my body, my outlook, my environment, everything. i don't want to do with anything or anyone that may remind me of him. that stupid ass.

and, i'm getting a bit demoralized right now, so i do deserve to feel better about myself and my surroundings. everything is shitty. shit happens.

i have no idea how he is able to live with himself. how does he sleep at night? again, was i supposed to learn anything from meeting him? him from me? any higher purpose? i don't get it.

for now, let me enjoy my new phone while i'm figuring it out.

Monday, March 12, 2007

my CSI babies

i always look forward to Sunday not just because i get to rest on a Sunday. i especially like Sunday because of the CSI marathon.

it's interesting how they are able to solve crimes over there while it takes us years to figure out who did what to who where and when. oh, and how the fuck did they get away with it? i remember having doctors for classmates in law school since they want to be able to go to forensics. they said they were so sick off how slow things were going as far as solving a crime here in the RP, not to mention the bureaucracy and hypocrisy and the graft and corruption. they were thinking, ideally, if we solved crime here in the RP as quick as they were able to solve crimes in CSI, the people would have faith in the government again. they'd be vigilant and be more proactive in reporting crimes instead of showing indifference whenever there's a crime going on in their neighborhood.

i didn't just watch CSI for the cute guys. honest. i watch all three shows because they are all interesting. really.

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yesterday, i was in tears when they beat up Greg Sanders (played by Eric Szmanda) in CSI. i could so relate to his character, being an only child and all, how his mom would take him to the ER for a nose bleed. remember how my dad would freak out whenever he didn't receive my messages that i was at work already? he saved someone's life. hopefully, he'll be able to open his right eye next episode.

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one guy i'm missing is Ryan Wolfe (Jonathan Togo) because the episodes for CSI: Miami seem to be going backwards instead of forwards. i mean, what happened to his eye?

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i'm also waiting on Danny Messer (Carmine Giovinazzo) and Lindsay Monroe's (Anna Belknap) character to hook up. i remember Anna from another suspense medical drama, Medical Investigation. but he's cute because for someone who has a crush on her, he calls her Montana. i haven't met anyone who called me Novaliches.

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finally, i'm waiting for Don Flack (Eddie Cahill) to wake up. the last season left us hanging with Mac Taylor (Gary Sinise) asking Flack to squeeze his hand. we want to know that he'll survive and catch criminals again. i like the accent of the people in NY. i have no idea why.

if only we could solve problems here in Manila as quick and as accurate the way they do in the CSI. if only the investigators were as cute.

Friday, March 09, 2007

your best friend will not remember what your name is when you're both drunk but he will tell you the truth if you need to hear it

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so a few nights ago, i decided i would meet with my best friend of sixteen years for enlightenment. or a bottle or two of beers. so we did meet at this really nice bar in Kamuning called seventy-seven. i met some of his friends from college and the band scene and laglagan galore ito. it was fun. i did get some scolding for wasting time on this asshole i used to call my boyfriend but it was worth it. he talked some sense into me. he even went out of his way to draw this chart about how to meet a decent guy. he told me how special i was and how he hates that i let myself be taken for granted for people. pero wag ka, di niya alam buong pangalan ko. (but mind you, he doesn't know my full name, or at least, the proper order of how you say my full name)

"stop taking care of people, you have to learn to take care of yourself first. no one wants to be taken cared of by someone who can't even take care of themselves." - - from Master Ace

ace and his band bagetsafonik will be coming up with an album soon. i am so proud of my best friend. like i always mention here, whenever i hear Halogen, i wish i wrote it. it even amazed me, the fact that he is actually proud of me; he was telling his friends that i sing good. awww. oh, and he told me that i'm a smart and beautiful woman. i just love my best friend and he loves me.

it's nice to have some true people around you in your life.

***
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ever since this not-so-clear break-up with this guy, my friends have been selling me out. boy, girl, doesn't matter. they just want to hook me up period. it's okay, it's just that, i'm not really in a hurry now to get hitched. if anything, i got even more scared to commit because of what he did (or not do) to me.

i just want to change everything. i want to disassociate myself with anything and anyone that reminds me of him, because he's like a dent in my supposedly okay angry life. he sorta made me happy. sorta. you know how i've always been this angry little girl so you could understand how i'd be if that were taken away from me.

he said before that girls only dig other girls because they've had really bad experience with the men in their life and i've always been firm that that's not always the case because i've been kissing girls long before i met the assholes in my life. long before i met him. so anyway, most of the people i seem to find interesting right now, well, are lesbians. it's not something i intentionally wanted. it just happens that all i've been meeting right now are really hot lesbians. sorry.

i keep remembering how he looked at me, like some guy who's looking at a girl for the first time. that's how he looked like when he looked at me. that's how it felt.

damn ex.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

the Good Lee Pace

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i finally saw the trailer for The Good Shepherd. i have been waiting for this De Niro-Damon-Jolie starrer ever since last year. it features the story of how a secret society which later became the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) was born. the story is interesting, maybe even riveting. but there is only one reason i have been waiting for this movie to be shown here in the RP. him . . .

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he may not be playing that big a part in the movie, he might even be a villain in the film but i love him. i so totally adore this man. Lee Pace, marry me!!!

it's been a while since i have seen him on the screen, big or small. it would be such a delight to see that talent be featured in a film, not to mention that beautiful face and that sexy body. it's nice to see him.

check out The Good Shepherd when it comes to a theater near you.

it's very interesting. no, seriously. the way Matt Damon and Angelina Jolie were in this flick, it was amazing. the trailer left my mouth ajar when i saw it. can't wait till the whole movie is out.

Friday, March 02, 2007

because it would be easier to hate than love

like i said, it wasn't supposed to last. so it didn't.

remember that part in Ally McBeal where Larry (played by Robert Downey, Jr.) runs off without word, without explanation so Ally was just left wondering why he left? she got so angry with him until she finally met other people and was able to move on. she finally realized that he intentionally wanted her to get mad at him so that it would be easier for her to forget than for her to stay in love with him and then be gone. because if she was still in love with him, she would hold on and continue waiting for him. or some other crap like that.

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i'm not in love with him. i'm in like, but not in love. it was fun. but then he runs off without saying a word and you kinda wonder, "is he dead?", "did he find somebody else he liked more?", "did my plan to turn him off work?", "have the authorities found him?", "did he get abducted by aliens?" etc. etc. ad infinitum. or "why?"

why did he just disappear like that without even letting me go? why couldn't he just have the balls and say, "i want out"? is it just a matter of him being the one to break up with me and not the other way around? because i could've just given that to him, i am the easiest person to talk to, if he just said so. wasn't i the one who wanted to break it off to begin with? because we knew from the onset that there was no love. he broke my trust. the only thing that would be left is respect. i don't have any respect for him right now.

did he want me to be angry because knowing that i have angst already, it shouldn't be so hard for me to get mad, being an irate rep? and if i was mad then it would be easier for him to slip away from my memory than if i was so happily in like with him?

yeah, yeah, you who said that, "Dpo.il always be here.."

sure,Russell, sure. you are not M. you are not jade. you're just, well, you. there will always be somebody more interesting than you.

I'm Not In Love - Tori Amos version

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase
I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you got it made
I'm not in love, no
It's because...

I said
I'd like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if i call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no
It's because...

I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain
Still lying there
It hides a nasty stain
Still lying there

I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain
Still lying there
It hides a nasty stain
Still lying there

So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, mmnhmmm
It's because...

Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time....
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Heeee, you'll wait a long time

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase
I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you got it made
I'm not in love
I'm not in love

i like that version. so seductive yet so dark. you should hear it, from the Strange Little Girls album.

next thing that pops into my head is, WHEN THE FUCK IS HE GOING TO RETURN MY THE L WORD VCDs?