Tuesday, December 18, 2007

i can sing this. i can totally nail this.

Alone
Heart

I hear the ticking of the clock
Im lying here the room's pitch dark

I wonder where you are tonight

No answer on the telephone

And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone


You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited

And I was going to tell you tonight

But the secret is still my own

And my love for you is still unknown

Alone


Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone


How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone

Alone, alone


one of these days, one of these very ordinary days, i'm gonna sing this song, and you'll love me for it. (and you thought it was the intro to a Barry Manilow song, didn't you?)

last saturday in AfterShift Jam, Jackie/Shackie of Distant Shores started the opening rift of this song. this is after troma performed a two-hour set where we just played with the chorus. i jumped in to join Jackie for backup but she didn't hit the high note and i didn't hit the high note. i wanted to, but i'm not like that. it was their set already.

i think i've mentioned here before that The Ronnies let me jam this song with them and they were amused, to say the least, with my rendition. that, for me, is okay enough, aside from the fact that my own brothers, traumaligno, love me enough to try to jam the song even if it's not what they normally play. i don't really have to prove it to them, although the boys were expecting me to do it since, pardon my brutal honesty, Jackie didn't cut it.

but i'm not like that. i would've, in troma's set, but not in some other band's set, where i volunteered myself to do backup duties. i don't steal other people's thunders, nor would i appreciate it if somebody did it while i'm singing my song. i don't have to prove that i'm good, or better, if i am (although JP from Route 196 said i was), if i already know it. it's not proper. oh yeah, what was that other term?

if i hit that note, it would be rude. i am a bitch, and i can be abrasive, but i know how to respect other people.

next time na lang. there's always a next time. and i will nail it. again.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Grudge Night at Club Dredd, oh, sorry, i meant Grunge

aside from the fact that it was sooo difficult to get to Club Dredd since everybody was Christmas shopping after they got their bonuses, Grunge night went well, as we all hoped. all the bands who performed were really intense, although i do have this partiality for troma and The Roxymorrons. i also liked Ursa Minor's set. i am officially a fan of their drummer. i'm having dreams about her, hahahaha. truly, when the equipment is good, it will really bring out the best in a band musically. i hope to bring troma to other venues to continue that streak. and to think, they performed for about two hours at the Watering Hole hours earlier. they had to, in order to kill time since the other bands weren't there yet. consider it practice time. tired and all, but troma delivered.

everybody had a hard time getting to the venue since it was a payday saturday and almost all the bands were late, so the troma set was just limited to four songs only. but it was a good set. the boys had fun and everybody had fun watching them. if i say so myself.

as they say, grunge was an era of really good music. sure, people looked like they didn't take a bath and everybody was wearing plaid, but it was a great era for music. really.

i'd say more, but i'm too tired to continue.

***

i love the idea that boom and i are able to bond. it takes the load off and at the same time, it allows me to vent, knowing fully well, that he can understand me. it's great that we got passed the pimp-whore relationship into being friends. i like it that my social network is growing and that the band, not just boom, is slowly opening up to me. it's a great feeling. i have been harping about it in here that i'm not just their pimp, but a big fan of their work. but it gives me more joy now to actually search for gigs for them since they've become my brothers and their girlfriends/wives my extended family. sure, all families are dysfunctional and this one is not an exception. but i like our being dysfunctional. it's fun.

let the good times roll.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Hump Day Wednesday: it's far, far, far, far, far*

so Russ Davis of NU107 invited Traumaligno and Sutil to perform for his production at the Al's Bar. before the actual day itself i was telling him that it kinda felt more like my production than his but it turned out okay, i'd like to think. there was also a mix up as far as Glenn's production is concerned (he texted me last Saturday that it was a Tuesday then it turns out it's on the same day. i swear, if i didn't erase that text message, we'd know who was drunk when they were texting who) so Russ was saying i had to make it up to Glenn to be in his good graces again and then gave me sort of a wink-wink that wasn't a wink-wink but kinda looked like, yeah, sure, Russ, i know what you mean. i'm going to feign ignorance again. and i finally know the answer to my question. without the having to interrogate people. because people will always let you down. and people can be so predictable. GO FIGURE. and this time, I HONESTLY HOPE YOU DO GET IT. and then shut up.

it was pretty much an adventure getting to the place itself and i needed the break anyway. it's like going out of town, except you're still in town, you still stay up the same hours and you assail (or indulge) your ears for one night.

NotSoFast, this young emo-punk band we met at Club Dredd for Foo Night unfortunately couldn't make it (that's okay, kids, there's always next time - watch your lungs, ok?) so Sutil went up first. i think they played more than 5 songs but i guess that was alright since the other bands were either not there yet or had an incomplete line up. i was scared that Russ would walk up to me and say, "bels, make them stop!" but he didn't. Sutil was good, they performed good songs and they were energetic. they kicked off the night hot. (haven't had sleep yet so i apologize for the grammatical errors)

next up was Ursa Minor and as always, all eyes on their cute drummer. she is hot. i will get her name, i promise you. Ursa Minor performed Taciturn, an original and forgive me, but after that, i couldn't tell which one was original and which one was not. they did Stars, again and yeah, i got lost as to which one was original and which one was not. they did about 3 more songs and i kinda remember Nirvana a bit. we'll hear the same songs being played again this coming Saturday at Dredd so i know what to expect. but i love their drummer. it's like, all our male companions converged in one area and just stared at her. just like all the male population in the audience suddenly show up when it's Narda's turn to perform in a gig. because Katwo is hot.

Pinas was next, and then Treadstone. of course, by this time, i've already downed a few beers. so no review. then troma was last. but they were both good. the Pinas vocalist had this energy about him that was admirable and Treadstone had a song called Falling Calling too. Ace of Bagetsafonik said their album was out anyway so they get first dibs on the title. okay, so troma went last.

i think i've said more than enough times how much i adore these people and their music. i am thankful at the fact that the people who were left in the audience appreciated them (lights were too bright but i could hear "oohs" and "aahhs" and "whoas" so that meant in a way that they liked what they were hearing.) i loved every second of it. it makes all efforts exerted in the name of the band worth it.

and then we went home.

***

Boom and i had this very interesting conversation and despite the fact that we were both tired and slightly drunk and sleepy, it was, interesting. we sorta agreed that for all the criticism it's been getting, everybody's a bit emo, even if they don't want to admit it.

that conversation really struck me in the sense that, okay, i'm not the only one who thinks this way, i'm not the only one who feels this way. i'm not that abnormal. there are people out there who will understand you, who will level with you, who will have a conversation with you and you'll enjoy it because it won't take them 5 or 10 seconds later to get the point you're getting at. you don't see that a lot. well, i don't find enough people who are like that and it is heaven when i do. it is disappointing sometimes and i'm not trying to diss everybody. there are indeed, moments when you just want your brain to stop functioning and just let go. some people enjoy that feeling more than others and they never get to revert back to their original state i.e. thinking mammals, hence, stupid people were born.

you have to forgive me, i may be harsh when i say these things. attribute it to being alone and miserable (and by God, it is more frustrating when you're sane AND smart enough to realize that you are) but i have been disappointed by people so many times, if not by their sheer dumbness but by their lack of respect or indifference to society and people in general. it came to a point where you build up this shield because even if by nature, i do trust and have faith in people, that they will not let you down, that they will value friendship over money, that they do read and write and therefore can get how sometimes 1 and 1 make three, that they will also go our of their way to help you out when you are on a rut, that they will not disappoint, you end up doing so because so many people will take the easy way out than do the right thing.

yes, yes, for somebody who's sleepy and tired and well, i ain't wasted anymore, i can still not stop talking.

i don't know how to end this again. so i'll just stop.

* to the tune of Frente's Labour of Love

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Batanes: so, anybody watched MY movie yet?

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they say that there is this terribly striking resemblance between him and me.

what do YOU think?

i haven't seen the movie yet, not that i have anything against it. it's just that with this work i have and the band, i don't really get to do anything else. then there's the fact we don't have a maid so you wonder where i slip in the shut-eye there. but i heard it's good. i mean, there's supposed to be this love story but there's a language barrier and you feel, when watching the trailer, that they're actually reading the sub-titles to understand each other WHILE they're in the movie.

but you should see it, if not for his and her crappy tan (i'm talking about Ken Zhu and Izza Calzado, not me and Ken) but for the fact that they actually advertise the place. it's our most typhoon-stricken island, i think. the trailer is so good and long, i don't have to see the whole film.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

it's wringing in my ear but it's better than M.Y.M.P. or Cueshe

i apologize for the title if any one of you like the aforementioned bands (would you rather have Akon's Don't Matter as LSS? or that frigging "suicidal, suicidal"? - i swear, when i hear them, i want to stick a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger). i personally don't and i think i've mentioned more than once why i feel that way about them.

anyway, for some weird reason, probably because i saw an Olivia Newton-John night over at Route 196 or because my ex is gallivanting on my lung center with his new gal (it's not the fact that Russell has someone new but the fact that I DON'T), this song just started playing in my head. that's since 6.20am yesterday,Wednesday until, what time is it today? 5.23am Thursday. if a song is in my head for that long a time, i make sure i sing it out loud in the elevator alone or i blog about it.

here it is:

Hopelessly Devoted
Olivia Newton-John

Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no getting over you
You know I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see
there's nothing left for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

[Chorus]
But now, there's no where to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying,"fool, forget him"
My heart is saying "don't let go
Hold on to the end"
that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
[Chorus]


i can just imagine Ene or Anabel singing this. i can sing this.

it will probably go away now. not that i don't like it. it just wrings in my ear, that's all. along with this pain in my chest.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

erasermaya day: if we had more time, we probably could've stuck to the theme

so World AIDS Day was supposed to be EraserMaya Day for AfterShiftJam#I4GOT. it was fun, except for the fact that i didn't hear too many Eraserheads or Rivermaya songs.

attribute it to lack of sleep, or lack of time to practice, or fatigue, but i didn't hear too many Eraserheads or Rivermaya songs. well, Sutil did perform some songs, as well as Distant Shores. i really loved that Jackie sang Lightyears. never really found out if Matilda ever did covers. we were too tired to wait for them. i really wanted to. i just couldn't wait any longer. too tired. too sleepy.

TaBass started out the show and while the 3 gentlemen have this way of reminding me of Porkchop without meaning to, they do. i mean, the guys are good, except that they do have this tendency to make you feel like they're not taking their music seriously. but it was nice to hear GranMa again. yes, as in the drink, Gran Matador. the guys were fun to watch, as always.

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troma played next and unfortunately, they didn't really get to rehearse any E'heads or Rivermaya songs. it would've been nice though. so they did their Foo covers. they also made Kathy sing Spiderwebs (which i did back up for - nainggit!) and then they did a couple more covers which did not follow the theme. which was good in a way since i haven't heard Splender's Yeah Whatever in a while. and they let Toti/Allan (what name does he go by these days? and what hair?) for their rendition of Di Bale Na Lang by Gary V (kasi nga EraserMaya ang theme!) which was amusing, to say the least. i watch Traumaligno for the originals.

after troma, sutil performed and started their set with the E'heads' Superproxy. it was good except i can't listen to the song without hearing the rap part at the end. i wished rj improvised. anyway, they did Rivermaya's Kung Ayaw Mo Wag Mo afterwards before they proceeded to play their originals and a few more covers while buying time for Distant Shores' vox jackie who was still on her way. all i can say is this: i cannot look at rj singing a RiverMaya or Bamboo cover. i just can't.
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jackie of Distant Shores finally arrives and they start their set with Lightyears. i love Lightyears. russ davis and i were chatting one night while we were both at work (he, at NU107, me in front of my PC at the office finishing a bunch of reports) and i was sorta down and the song Lightyears was on his playlist and he told me to listen to it. it made me feel a bit better. a bit. it's an E'heads song. it's being played by one of the hottest DJs in my planet. he wasn't playing it for me but if it's on his playlist and he tells you to listen to it to feel a lot better because the song is just sooo good, it kinda passes off as if it was being played for just you and you alone. gaaad, I NEED TO GET A FREAKING LIFE. God, give me a luvah! talk about pathetic!

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so we hung out a bit but we really couldn't wait for Matilda anymore. i wanted to, we wanted to. we were just too tired. it could've been fun though. i know charms, et al, don't do covers so it could've been something to see. could've been.

like i said, erasermaya day could've been better. if we had more time. or something.

Friday, November 23, 2007

i heart The Ronnies

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i now have a new favorite band and it's not Traumaligno (of course, i still love you, Boom, Pol, Pit, Eric) or Bagetsafonik (sometimes Ace, i do wonder why i'm still here after seventeen goddamned years). it's The Ronnies!!!

i first saw them play about a few months ago at Route 196 (i still remember being lost going there) and i do remember enjoying myself. Ene is such a delight to watch. Ronnie is very pleasant whenever i see him (the man is so good, great, MAGNIFICENT with those ivories. he's like a walking jukebox!) and we don't really get to see each other a lot so it's a surprise that he remembers me. he remembers me as Ace's friend from high school. sooner or later, it'll just be Bels, no more Ace attached. hmp. anyway, Andy is a silent killer on guitars (although i still love my guitar god - they're of different genres) and Justin is so fab on the drums. i say whip it!

i wish i could articulate myself better in describing their band. had too many beers, too many cigarettes, and no sleep so forgive me if my adjectives are limited to "good", "great", "fabulous", "spectacular", and the like. for now, to me, that's how The Ronnies should be described. they do 80's covers but i don't consider them a showband. maybe i'm just discriminating against MYMP and the like, but i do not consider The Ronnies as a showband despite the fact that they play other people's songs. when they play, they make it sound different and fun. everybody else are lackluster copycats.

it didn't feel awkward to dance in their set. it didn't feel cocky to enjoy. they were good, fun, i got amused. they even let me jam with them. they make you feel welcome and they don't try to be all yuppie because you are. Ene has this way of not making the whole thing baduy and to think their site's tagline is "Baduy is the New Black" but still make you relate to her.

i found myself dancing. singing along (even if it was embarrassing to know all those songs by heart because it speaks of how old you are) and enjoying. that felt good.

after the show, i was casual to Ronnie and Justin about jamming with them the next time i watch their gig and Ronnie goes, "o, sige, anong gusto mong kanta?" and i jokingly said, "alone ng heart" and he and Justin pull me inside and we jam. it helped that my friend Ace backed me up and said, "magaling kumanta 'yan" but i never really thought they'd take me seriously and ask me to sing. i sang Alone by Heart and that was that. i even did back up for some of the songs Ene sang. no, Ene, Justin, Ronnie, Andy, i'm sorry: no matter how many times you ask Ace to sing, he would have to decline. he was never really into that stuff, you know. Michael Johnson's I'll Always Love You, Christopher Cross' Sailing, etc. were never part of his vocabulary. he will disappoint. over and over.

anyway, i digress. you have to watch The Ronnies when you get the chance. they're interesting, to say the least. you having fun would be an understatement. i tell you. i cannot stress this enough, just like when i asked you to watch Transformers the movie.

watch them with your parents, your neighbors, your colleagues, your enemies, your partners, your siblings, the guy who sells taho in your neighborhood. WATCH THEM PERIOD. you will not regret it.

The Ronnies, ang banda ng bayan (haha!). because Baduy is the New Black.

thanksgiving '07: hanging out with the reggae masta, ninjakyusi rocks

so i drop by NU107 to give Russ Davis coffee. i was in the area and i needed some time to kill before going over to Route 196 for Ninjakyusi to watch my friend of 17years, Ace Cada, of Bagetsafonik and The Ronnies. i also needed directions because it was only my second time to go there. i knew that i had to take a cab but you know how it is with some cab drivers. even if they know your destination, they're going to pretend they don't and ask you (and of course, you don't either) so that you can go around in circles and pay more.

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when i get there, they were already starting the reggae program (the name of the show slips my mind at the moment) with Papa Dom. so i give the brewed coffee to the coffee slut and ask for directions. we hang out a bit and they were so nice. Papa Dom was so nice. i just noticed though: do all people who are into reggae sound like they're high? or cool? i don't know how to phrase it without sounding offensive. i mean, if you are into that shit, you know, weed, you would talk like that but then i wouldn't really know because i haven't tried weed. i do know for a fact though that sober or not, Russ does talk like that. it's part of being "ambrok" - term i coined to describe him. it means amboy who speaks barok tagalog. no, i don't mean that Papa Dom talks like he's high. i just mean that there's a certain sleekness, or style, or manner, for people in reggae that i can't comprehend. but they're cool, i mean no offense. anyway, we go our separate ways because he needed to be at Hard Rock Cafe for their event (he's a bigger, no, i mean, a taller Pupil fan) and i wanted to see Bagets.

getting a cab wasn't so hard and i got there really fast. i saw John, one of Ace's friends from college and since we were both alone, we shared a table. program was already starting with a band called Yoshi (pronounced as "yo-sha", don't ask) and while they were good, i'm not really into them that much. i felt that if i closed my eyes, i'd think that Kyla was on drugs, good drugs, but on drugs, nevertheless. cute keyboardist, though.

then there was this band called Helen which i think my co-worker Julius would appreciate, they sounded like dream-pop to me and he is so into that genre. i liked them. they just had the tendency to be predictable. to me it's one thing to have your own sound and people know automatically it's you. it's another to make a song sound different from the others. i was only on my first beer then and i didn't start the drinking spree until The Ronnies played so i was pretty sure it sounded like all their songs sounded alike. for a band, you don't want that. but then, that's just me.

Analog came next and i must say, my tukayo, is Hotness personified. after all these years (did i make her sound old or did i make me sound old?), Anabel Bosch is still a powerful voice and a hot body to witness on stage. the other band members are intense. it's a great combination and i look forward to hearing their single out on radio.

then came Bagets. they did 2 originals, Joyride and my personal favorite, Halogen, from their debut album Travelogue and i thought i would never see the day that Jules (Ace, to most of you in the indie scene) would sing Michael Jackson. and to think, when i was at NU, Papa Dom made me and Russ listen to this reggae version of Billy Jean too. after that, they did Rivermaya's Elesi in preparation for tonight's Rivermaya night. they owned the song. it's as if Rico Blanco didn't write it. it was a good rendition.

after the Bagets, The Ronnies were up. i heart The Ronnies. they're my new favorite band. i love them so much i have a separate entry (nyahahaha) for them.

we jammed some more eighties songs after some of the people left the place (i got to sing on stage too - Heart's Alone) before moving on to this place called StoneHouse. met some more of Ace's friends Harold, Arnold (and they happen to be best friends and both bald, or skinheaded, whatever), Elena and Heidi. nice discussion. so nice we stayed until 7.30am this morning.

so that was that. no worries. no work. wish everyday was thanksgiving.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

turtoise boy

i would have to apologize to humanity. people have disappointed me so many times that my faith in them has diminished a bit. i keep forgetting something: people know how to read! i underestimated people. they are either vain or guilty and i totally forgot that that can be a good motivation to read. retaliation is also a sign of guilt.

***

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Liza, one of my colleagues, gave this to me when she came back from Palawan and it reminded me of you.

what happened? we were okay, or at least, i'd like to think we were okay. i wasn't expecting anything when i first went into this. i just wanted to be friends and you gave that to me. you were polite enough and you indulged me enough to make me think that it was going to go somewhere, like lifelong friendship. and me staying in your house for a whole month with your wife and kids when i'm old and alone and penniless.

was it because of what happened (or "did not happen", depending on what he told you or "didn't tell you") between me and him? even if you knew that you didn't like me anyway so why should it matter? did you lose respect for me because of that? did you lose interest because i turned our to be no different from everybody else? is it because you like him (hand covering mouth in awe) and you were jealous?

he meant nothing to me. it didn't even feel like anything to me. him and his poor excuse of a whatever it was. i didn't present myself to you as perfect, or self-righteous. angst-ridden, a bit of a whiner, something short of a shrink, yes, but never perfect. i do have a fabulous nose, though. but other than that, i just wanted nothing but friendship. like i said, my attraction to you is a coincidence. stop acting so self-righteous. i assure you that it will not happen again.

and stop assuming that i'm running after you, too! not everything is about you, honey.

turtoise. scary. very scary.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

better addicted to Heroes than to heroine



i've been a fan of Heroes ever since they started showing trailers at Star World. sadly, the series wasn't available in the RP that time and the moment it started airing on Crime/Suspense, i couldn't catch it so everybody was aware of what was going on the show, except for me.

fortunately, my good friend and colleague, Johno (yes, that is his name, the way it is spelled and pronounced, any violent reactions?) gave me my own DVD copy of Season 1 and he gave it to me in time for me to catch up with the network screening of Season 2, so i'm not so way behind. well, i'm not way behind period. he said he couldn't find his own copy to lend to me so he got me my own. isn't that sweet?


i'm so kileg because i have such a humongous crush on that little man. i mean, he probably is not that little, i wouldn't know. i have such high regard for the man because he makes shit sound like poetry and believe me, he talks a lot of shit sometimes (but he's a remarkable manager, i tell you). but you know me, penis is nothing, brain is everything. although it wouldn't hurt if there was penis. my fascination for him is purely intellectual, but you have to hand it over to him - he kinda looks a bit like Francis Reyes who is probably not that attractive to some people but whom i consider to be a really hot guitar god so maybe that's one basis for the attraction. the man is also pretty neat, i mean, neat as smelling squeaky clean neat all the time. you'd think he wasn't using cologne but turning on his pheromones.


anyway, i digress. i am hooked on Heroes. the show is interesting and is a welcome take on people with superpowers. i don't care if the second season didn't really rate much in the US because for some weird reason America doesn't think they're not supposed to have love lives and be romantic. it's addictive, much like Isaac Mendez was addicted to heroine or the way Gabriel Gray a.k.a. Sylar is addicted to getting everybody else's powers. it shows the human side of people with powers and their struggle to be normal. we never saw that in Superman although i never really followed Smallville religiously and we obviously didn't see that in X-Men because they're so busy trying to fight it out with the rest of humanity for approval to survive in the same planet that you fail to see the simple things. Heroes does that. like i said, i'm not trying to diss Superman, the uncanny X-Men and all the other shows which show people with powers. i just thought Heroes depicted the struggle in a way that people can relate to. it levels with you, even when you don't have superpowers of your own.

of course, my favorite hero is Peter. he has such a good soul and a good heart. even when he gets confused in some ways, he keeps his foot on the ground (except on those parts where he's literally flying) and Hiro, because, like Peter, he is pure of heart and has nothing but the most innocent of intentions but to help people, to use such power for the greater good and not for personal gain. something, someone most politicians can learn from.

anyway, season 2 is slowly picking up here in the R.P. and it is something to look forward to. you'll never know: there may be heroes lurking here in the country among us.

Monday, November 19, 2007

who the foo are you?

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so we were at club dredd last saturday night for Foo Fighters Night and it was ok. the band was obviously more tensed performing at Saguijo than they were at Dredd. although it was evident that the band is still in limbo regarding their final line up, they managed to put up a good show. i say good because they have mark downs.

mark downs? i guess being their band pimp and being that i'm not allowed to jam on stage so "i won't miss out on the parts they can't hear or see" or because i am their "overseer" period, i have to take note of those AOPs (areas of opportunity) where the band as a unit, and individually, can grow musically.

i am a proud pimp. i have never for once doubted their capability to do great things and to go to really far places and i can say i'm glad that the journey so far has been going well. i'm also glad at the fact that i'm with them in that journey and i somehow put them there :)

the next band, NotSoFast, was made up of these 18-year-olds, probably younger. while they look like they've had a lot of practice, they remind me of all those emo-whiney bands. they're good. they'll go far. i hope.

i enjoyed the set of The Roxymorrons. i've been a fan of Citric Maple way before they got Pau and Pau is actually a great addition to the band. she makes them more mellow in a way and her face is refreshing as is her voice.

we didn't really get to finish the whole 5-band set because we were all getting hungry so we decided to eat, drink and hang out at Rufo's to brainstorm our next move: a production number that reeks "showband!" it sounds fun, hilarious even, in the drawing board, i just don't know how we're going to make it materialize. but when it does, that'll be the next best thing to beat, i promise you!

in general, it was a good show and i wish we'd have more of those gigs so we can present more opportunities to improve as far as the sound of the band is concerned and more opportunities for the band to share their music and touch a whole different group of people. that would be fun.

***
yeah, so i'm sorry. i totally forgot that i'm not the only person entitled to FWBs. i'll spare you the lecture if you will spare me the horror the next time it happens. common courtesy dictates appropriate behaviour even in the midst of intense lust. besides, i thought you were better than that. it turns out, you and i are no different from each other, which is disappointing because: i thought you were better than that.

i'm feeling like a Julia Roberts

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Julia Roberts, i think, is one of the most beautiful and most talented actresses in Hollywood today. just like Meg Ryan and Sandra Bullock, she can switch from those romantic-comedies to the more serious of roles. now i say that i'm feeling like her not because i look like her (unlike some guys i know), i feel a My-Best-Friend's-Wedding coming in. and it's not like he's getting married and shit. what the hell am i saying?

ok, so in My Best Friend's Wedding, she and her best friend had become the center of each other's universe for the last nine years, until Dylan McDermott's character decided to settle down with Cameron Diaz's character. as of this writing, none of my male best friends have gotten married, unless they decided to get hitched without sending me an invitation.

i feel like Julia's character in that movie because one of my male friends has a girlfriend, he whom i thought was like me, scared of commitment. then he makes a 180 degree turn and says, "people can change", the bastard. he even quoted me by describing her the way Boom described me, referring to her as his "poetry amongst idiots". oh please, it's bad enough that you bypassed me, you just had to rip me off.

i shouldn't mind because i was the one who said that there are friendships that deserve to plateau. i shouldn't mind because no matter how many times i say i want a relationship, the moment i get one, i manage to ruin it without exerting too much of an effort. i shouldn't mind because i was the one who said that we shouldn't complicate things, especially when things are okay the way they are.

then why do i do?

Saturday, November 10, 2007

you just HAVE TO see the difference

last night was traumaligno's turn to be featured on NU107's In The Raw In The Flesh Bar Tour and i have to say, that i did not commit a mistake in "pimping" these boys, these gentlemen. i did not commit a mistake in harassing Francis Reyes into playing their cd on the radio. call me a bitch, but i have to say that i am really, more than anything, a BIG fan of traumaligno. all this pimping have made them my friends, my brothers, but i am definitely a HUGE fan of their music.

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they kicked off the the third leg and while there were some issues surrounding the band itself, they ignored it, just like the good troupers that they are. indeed, the show must go on. and they delivered. i have their songs playing in my head over and over but they display so much intensity when they're out there that you have to see the difference. and you will really know how better they are, compared to other bands i know of.

the other bands, Paraluman and Ursa Minor (mee-nor, long "e" and not may-nor, long "i", as we were told) were both good. only, i got disappointed that they played covers for their set. if i only knew you could do that, i'd have asked troma to play 3 Libras. but that would bring tears to Pit, our drummer. the band, and everyone who's part of the Traumaligno family loves that songs. with emphasis on the "V".

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anyway, after all the ITR bands performed, QUESO rocked the house. i had an encounter with Ian Tayao and again, i managed to make a complete jackass out of myself. you might say i'm probably too old for this shit, but the man is hot. you cannot blame me for being starstruck. and it is true what they say about him, how he smells good. i wanted to lick off his sweat. he was so soft-spoken, this man. i am in love again. bwahahahaha.

we also saw Dylan/Karen's twin sister, Karla. she beat me in the beer drinking contest (i'm not really much of a drinker, but i am a chain smoker. dragon level pa! and more than anything, i just wanted to make sure each and every one of the members of troma had their own Muziklaban cap.) but i don't mind. she was very nice and we even chatted her up a bit because she used to work in the call center where Kathy (wife of Paul, troma bassist) is working.

after the gig we crashed over to Pete's brother's place, ate some Persian food (shawarma is Persian, and not Indian, right? anybody?), drank rhum cola, read Boom's really bad hieroglyphics and then fell asleep.

that went well, didn't it?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

do i really need all these? do you?

i'm currently addicted to this Facebook thing and while unlike some people, i don't really like to conform to the society, i'm into it because it's "supposedly more fun and interesting" than all the other network crap in the internet. i'm just into it, because it's new. everything that's new is always supposed to be more interesting.


i mean, not all of my friends in my Friendster, Multiply, Myspace, etc. are really my friends. some of them just happen to know me somewhere. at least, in this one, i really know these people and you could really say that we've shared something special or meaningful in my mundane existence. i will really monitor and make sure that all my so-called friends here are really my friends or at least, people who know my full name.

these things, come to think of it, they're not really important. it gives us an excuse to connect and to make it look like we're connected with the right people. it's like high school all over again.

it only goes to show that too many people have too much time on their hands that they could've made better use of doing other things. they just chose to update their profiles. do we actually really need all of this? i don't think so.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

that went well

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so we went to mag:net cafe at the Fort Strip for the first leg of NU107's In The Raw In The Flesh where Sutil, Kastigo and Project Mayhem were the featured amateur bands and the main band was, get this: Pupil. despite the Glorietta bombing, the show must go on and we had to fulfill our obligations. i'm still technically there, beside Ely Buendia, or Wendell Garcia, or Dok Sergio or Yan Yuzon or yeah, Russ Davis, so you have to excuse me if there are slight errors in grammar.

i'm not really officially the pimp or manager for Sutil but since i was the one who introduced RJ (Sutil vocalist) to Francis Reyes, it kinda stuck. i went there because: 1) i needed to sign a performance agreement; 2) i needed to know how it would go for Traumaligno, when their turn came at Saguijo; 3) Pupil is like so galeng, i wanted to see them play; 4) i crush Russ Davis; 5) come on, i needed a break.

the bands were fairly okay. i was looking forward to watching Pupil because i have not seen them perform live but i have been a follower of their music. hell, i don't get to watch anybody live on a night performance because i'm so busy working so i had to go. now, i still don't know by heart any of the songs in the new album Wildlife, except for Sala, which was #1 at NU107. but everything was so perfect musically (plus the fact that Russ Davis was singing along to the songs behind me), i thought i was having a BTS moment.

after Pupil performed, i had to get their autographs and at have a picture taken, with Ely at least, since i have been listening to him since i was in high school. and he was very nice and polite and down-to-earth. you have to love the guy. this is one of the most prolific songwriters here in the Philippines, you have to forgive me if i can find my IQ.


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so that's that.

***
after the show i dragged Ronald, the Distant Shores/Sutil bassist to go with me at Saguijo for Ace's gig. i haven't seen Ace ever since Bagetsafonik became MTV's Rising Star of the Month so it was nice to see him and hang out a bit. i also found out that my companion Ronald, was one of 25 bassists included in this music workshop in Baguio where Francis was one of the mentors.

and then that was it.

***

i went to the office to sleep. then i saw my ex-boyfriend again.

i'm pissed off because despite my best efforts to amuse myself, i can still see his face in my head without even trying, because even when i try to chase after somebody when i know it's futile, it's still him i remember. i hate the fact that nothing really much came from that relationship, i never really gained anything except a few more pounds, but i still think about him, even when i don't want to anymore. and to think i have been chasing a hell lot of other people, men and women alike just so i wouldn't have to think about him.

why does he have to work here, in my building, using my elevators, during my shift, smoking in my lung center?

so much for moving on.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

just like losing a friend

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i've been listening to Orange and Lemons ever since they started. when i first heard their song on NU107, She's Leaving Home, i didn't think they were BulakeƱos. they sounded so Brit, you felt like Morissey came back with a vengeance. i probably could come up with a better analogy than that but i'm too sad right now.

i even watched their gigs at Gweilo's in Palanca but i never really got to see them and know them personally until the Tequila Sunrise gigs. those morning gigs were so intimate that you'd think we've known each other for so long. we'd kid around and i could practically request their whole set for the day. Mcoy and Clem were very accomodating, Ace and JM were sorta shy but they were always very nice.


of course it came as a shock to me that things weren't going well for O&L, especially the part where Clem wasn't getting along with everybody else, or at least, just as the papers and TV were saying. it didn't seem fair, i thought, like some crazed childish fan, for them to not be okay, since as artists, they had an obligation to their fans, just like parents to their children, to try to stick together no matter how shitty it was going in the relationship department. i felt sad like when the Eraserheads broke up, or when Rico left Rivermaya. you feel like you lost a friend whom you turn to when things got really crappy.

we listen to their songs to try to maybe feel better and while things don't turn out okay, you have the music to turn to, to listen to, relate to, to know you're not the only person in the planet with the same shitty sentiments.

but the music lives on, they leave a mark. when you hear them again, you feel better. you reminisce how things were at the time when you first heard the music and for a while, everything's okay again. even when the band is gone.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

food will soothe

magaling, magaling.

Kyla did not disappoint.

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i'm glad she did not disappoint. if only i recorded her version of Lupang Hinirang for posterity. it was brilliant!

***
when you're thinking of food, Italian food, and you want to be religious, or at least, ask for forgiveness after all that eating (when everyone else is starving), i can recommend a place where you can do both: Amici Di Don Bosco.


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they have pasta

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. . . pizza . . .

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and dessert, gelato!

and you know what, you can get it cheap too. well, not really cheap, but affordable.

after eating, you can stop by the church to thank God you were able to eat that much and then pray you have your own Keanu.

command the universe: believe in your own private Keanu

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over the weekend i got to see The Lake House starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. i try avoiding chick flicks if i can since it only reminds me of how pathetic and lonely i am. the story is beautiful and it makes you hopeful but then it only opens your eyes to the horrible truth that not everyone will end up with Keanu Reeves. not everyone has a pretty face like Sandra Bullock. not everyone will live happily ever after.

but then my friend boibitch and i agree, you have to command the universe. it's under Paolo Coehlo's book, if you really really want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it. let's not let this sad cold world win, command the universe! we will end up with our own private Keanu.

i wish.

***
i don't want to run after you anymore. it's tiring. i mean, i might even outrun you with all this chasing.

i mean, not your fault, but this is not the first time i've heard of that shit that you don't look for love, you don't run after love or you don't wait for it, you let it come to you.

i repeat, this is not the first time i've heard of that shit. it is what it is: SHIT.

i'm not like most girls. same rules don't apply.

Friday, October 05, 2007

cliche in a really bad B movie

yes, it is gone! the mark that i have become a cliche of a really bad B movie is gone and nobody can tell what i did last Tuesday (or who for that matter. what???) except maybe for you, but i bet you couldn't care less and it doesn't really matter anyway. i just hope that all my efforts are not in vain.

because he meant nothing to me. he also felt like nothing to me.

***
you probably have heard or read different versions of it in the news, the Pasig road rage shooting incident. i know of it because the son of the man who died is my previous boss. what a terrible way to die. what a terrible way to find out how your father died.

even if my Dad and i aren't in not-so-good terms, i wouldn't want anyone to kill him (or get to him first - i'm kidding). nobody deserves to die like that. nobody deserves to find out that way that they lost a loved one.

and the person responsible for it is out on bail. can you believe that???

***
i didn't want to have to talk to you anymore. awkward. oh well. but i did. i can't resist you.

but you know what i always say about people who ignore me? "lahat ng umaalipusta sa'kin, naiinlab sa'kin balang araw" (everyone who humiliates me, falls in love with me eventually)

you haven't really hurt me but, you should ask him. he enjoyed the massage.

***
i'm okay now, i'd like to think. that's why i can talk to you without bitterness. it's not my fault if you like to reminisce that time when i was still with you. i miss those moments, i value those moments but i can't dwell on them. they're gone, you're gone. i told you, i can be your friend, Russell. but i can also be your worst enemy. i have forgiven you. i just can't forget.

i can't forget.

look at what you did to me again: you have made me more cold and unfeeling.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

that kind of post again

i love you, or at least, i think i do. i love you with a longing that i cannot define nor express nor suppress. i love you that it hurts to be around you, yet i want so much to be with you. i am so intoxicated with you right now, that no matter how much you hurt me or disappoint me, i will never be mad at you, even if i want so much to.

i can't be your friend. for now. it's hurts to be around you. i don't know how long this feeling with last though. hopefully more fleeting than permanent.

***
i really like you. but i don't think i can ever face you. well, i could. i'm good with that, but i don't think you will look at me the same way, or with respect, if you ever did, to begin with. i like you so much but i know i can't have you so i'll settle for what you can give me. however, now that this shit happened between him and me, i don't think you'll ever give me that chance to get to know you better or at least look at me in a way that is not with loathing or disgust or, darn, i can't think of the term. oh, yeah, i don't think you can look at me without judging me. but then, that's like second guessing you or thinking that you are shallow when you are not.

look at this way: i've always given people the benefit of the doubt that they're actually smart when they're not, that they're nice when they're not. maybe i have been unfair because i've been judging you all this time to be somebody you're not. but then again, maybe you are as shallow as i think you are.

***
i know if you don't read this. do you even read? but i have to hand it to you. you have a weapon and you know how to use it. i think, right now, you're the person to beat, bi. to quote Vertical Horizon, "you're only the best i ever had" or probably will have. unless . . .

Nobody Does It Better
Carly Simon
OST-The Spy Who Loves Me

Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, you're the best

I wasn't looking but somehow you found me
I tried to hide from your love light
But like Heaven above me
The spy who loved me
Is keeping all my secrets safe tonight

And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why'd you have to be so good?

The way that you hold me
Whenever you hold me
There's some kind of magic inside you
That keeps me from running
But just keep it coming
How'd you learn to do the things you do?

And nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, baby, darlin', you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Darlin', you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Baby, you're the best

because sometimes, hype is not enough. you actually need something to be sharp or to actually deliver or perform to deserve the hype around it.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

another one of those i-don't-know-how-to-tag posts

i'm waiting for the time to pass. i have nothing to do, nowhere to go. i can't blame you, you're sick. i was just hoping you could've been a little more responsible, that's all. it's my name at stake here, not just yours. but we can say anything we want to say, it still wouldn't make any difference: you can't make it. and i lose all interest and enthusiasm completely.

and to quote you, my dearest one, " i don't wanna talk to you anymore, no more will i waste your time, don't want another thought of your smile"

to think i adore you. don't worry, hopefully my disgust is more fleeting than permanent. simply because you are the mental porn star i have been fantasizing about.

***
you remind me of him, you guys remind me of each other, really. i both am attracted to you. you both stir a curiosity in me that doesn't seem to wane, simply because i don't want to give in to the desire to actually pursue you in the manner that would probably illicit a favorable response. i like the way that i can talk to you, more comfortably now, and you the same. the way i talk to him. he and i always have fun talking over coffee. we tease each other occasionally, but it doesn't go way passed that because i don't want to. i am afraid to, not because of fear of failure, but that i might actually succeed in making him fall for me and i wouldn't know what the hell i'd do afterwards. he and i are so okay as friends that you'd wonder what would happen if you take it to the next level. at the same time, it will scare you, the idea, of being committed, or the idea that he and i could being together that it never leaves the drawing board.

there are some friendships that deserve to plateau. no next level, no what ifs, just here, now, period. i am afraid of rejection. who isn't? but i value my friendships more than my personal happiness. it's stupid but it works for me. i may not have friends who'll take me in if Dad kicks me out of the house, but i know they'll help me hide his body.

so we go to you. you never expected me to come into your life, didn't you? it happens. it's not like i want your life to be miserable. it's just that i thought it would be a good idea if our paths cross. this friendship may not last, or it may stand longer than most that i have had. i don't know yet. what i do know is, you amuse me and i'd like to think (the pessimist is being optimistic here) that i amuse you too. i love talking, i love listening, i love coffee. maybe i can learn something from you. he taught me that this new high tech equipment from this manufacturer can hold this many servers. you might be able to teach me a thing or two (last time i checked, you have, imagine that?) and you can probably learn something from me too.

i hope you do. i want to be able to make a mark in your life, the way i wish i mark everybody's. it's not something i wish to achieve before i die. i'm already dead. i just wish to be a happy corpse.

wha???

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Ara Mina's gonna do what??!!??

i only get to read today's papers the next day. so much for being updated. then i read this news that Ara Mina will be singing the national anthem of the RP at the Manny Pacquiao fight with Antonio Barrera (his name is Antonio, right? you got me at Ara Mina will do the national anthem) and i got so pissed off.

will Ara Mina be able to foul up Lupang Hinirang like many have done before her?

i always said that if i were to become so famous that they'd invite me to perform at the NU107 Rock Awards, i would be honored to sing only one song: Lupang Hinirang.

that's next to all the songs i've dreamed of composing or covering, of course.

i am not the greatest singer in the world. but ARA MINA?!?

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so she has big boobs, which will probably cushion the blow when she sings. i mean, can you spell FLAT?

like i keep saying, there is so much crap out there that may be great commercially, but they still are, say it with me, people: CRAP. there is so much talent out there (like Traumaligno nyahahaha) that deserve airplay better than Ara Mina, or Cueshe or The SexBomb Girls or April Boy Regino. why is the budget for education always minimal again? so they can sell us CRAP. so we will vote for CRAP.

thankfully, i saw an update over the net this morning (12.07am) saying that Kyla will be singing it in front of the millions of people watching the boxing match.

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no comment. better singer but no further comment.

Monday, September 24, 2007

random human being for coffee

feigning ignorance? hah!

Right now, my mind is in a clutter. Expect a lot of incoherence.

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Yes, I am actually prettier in my pictures. I’m darker and uglier in person. Explanation: it’s all in the lighting, beybie! How do you think do they make all those skin whitening commercials?

Yes, Boom, I blew the band off in favor of a guy I really liked. I did. I did not attend Traumaligno’s rehearsal because I had a date. Wait, it wasn’t a date, just coffee. Coffee is harmless. You, Boom, on the other hand, passed out on an opportunity to bond with me for a girl. Not that I’m just trying to be vindictive. I just thought spending my afternoon with him was better. It was just coffee.

So anyway, just for the record, I don’t pretend to be stupid or helpless just to get a guy/girl’s attention. If anything, I’ll try to dazzle with my intelligence, when it visits me. I try to live up to being able to talk about anything under the sun so I barely ask questions expounding on a certain subject, unless I really don’t know.

Case in point: to kill time, my friend Red and I had breakfast and being the tech guy that he is, he was reading about computer servers and out of being polite I tried to ask him to talk to me about it. My father and I have this computer rental store but I know zilch about servers. He was so animated while he was talking. I tried to carry on the conversation as much as I could. It was a disaster.

So if you and I talk about rock climbing, even if I had a boyfriend who used to rock climb, he and I never talked about it the same way he never bothered to ask me what I read and wrote about for the school paper. We just made out. I will ask questions about things I don’t know about. And it’s not because I want to get you to bed (not that I don’t – I mean, who doesn’t want you? Do people like you ever get their heart broken?), but because I really have no idea what you are talking about. Makes sense? And come on, let’s say I did want to get you to bed, that’s why I was, “feigning ignorance”; please don’t tell me you’d actually fall for it. I mean, who does that anymore???

Besides, it’s all about shocking the other person. I mean, I am easily intimidated by people who are taller than me. And you are not just taller than me, I am attracted to men who are tall and thin like you, very attractive, whose IQ is larger than my law book collection. At least, I’d like to think of you that way. You didn’t disappoint, although now this is the part where I lose interest. It was so fun chasing you. Now my fantasies are dead and reduced to just wanting to hang out and be friends with you. Bummer. It’s not you though, it’s me. After M, I have been this way. She ruined me for men and other women.

Anyway, so in order to set the tone of whether or not I will be comfortable or uncomfortable around tall people, I shock them first. It’s either law student or bisexual, and then I take it from there. Or something more creative, like, “she’s not coming; she’d rather go home and sleep than meet up with you”. Gotcha. =)

I enjoyed that afternoon immensely, although I wish I were more prepared, so as not to be accused of feigning ignorance. Or to avoid dead air. I did promise to make it the “most unawkward moment of his life”. Now that I think about it I did sound pathetic, or desperate. But then, did I ever care to begin with what people thought of me? I will make friends with anybody. Nobody’s ever regret being my friend, the last time I checked. I needed to step out of the box. And I needed to connect with some random human being for coffee. The fact that he was smart, tall, thin, attractive, and sweet (if you’re reading this though, you’re not all that nice, you can be an ass and you know it) was just a bonus. Oh, and he knows Jake (not his real name), remember Jake, the guy I used to go out with? Apparently, he and my random human being for coffee know each other and random human being for coffee and I agree that Jake is an ass. Jake is a bigger jerk than you, don’t worry.

I liked that I went out and had coffee with you. I liked the part where you gave in. I liked the part that I got to share a lot of things with you and vice versa. I liked the part where although there were moments of uncomfortable silences, to me, at least, they weren’t that uncomfortable. I look forward to hanging out with you again. I hope the feeling is mutual. I’m not asking to be your girlfriend, but your girl friend. I know I can never be someone you’d date but I can be someone you can talk to about anything, without necessarily feigning ignorance, who can do simple arithmetic for you, someone who can make up stories to save your ass from your girlfriend, someone who’d encourage you to model, or make you laugh because you’re smart enough to get sarcasm, someone who’ll buy you a beer in a Pupil gig, etc.

I don’t really know how to end this because like I said in the beginning, my mind is in a clutter. Although I would like to say that there is something terribly wrong with me. M made it in such a way that if I ever get close to someone I liked, I would stop liking that person, unless that person is totally unattainable. Therefore, the person is desirable only when I can’t have him/her. If I can easily get access to the other person I’ll take them for granted. But isn’t that human nature that is inherent in everybody?

We all want something we can’t have. We ignore the ones that are already there and notice their value only when they’re gone. So there.

See? I told you I knew the difference of using “their”, “there” and “they’re”.

***
when Russell, my exboyfriend, and i were still dating, i had no recollection of his face whatsoever. during that time, i kept on forgetting what he looked like until we were together again and even while i was with him, my mind would wander and not remember i was with my then boyfriend. after the relationship, without even trying, his face would flash before my eyes. i hate it, the horror!

so goes my theory that when you have it, you don't like it. you don't enjoy it. you only look for it when it's gone.

thankfully, after that brief encounter with the random human being for coffee, i don't recall my ex's face anymore. but then, i don't remember random human being for coffee's face either. except maybe for the mole. and the nice looking hands.

oh well.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Daddy has left the building

call me sappy, but after i walked my boss through the door, i wanted to curl up in my station and cry. he left for the US today and will be gone for a week. i know he'll be back but the child in me is revolting. the person kept in charge while my boss isn't around is a biatch. i try to say that with great fondness out of respect since she looks like my ex-girlfriend, E. other than that, i don't find any substance in her other than she whines a lot and thinks less of people and aggravating the situation is the fact that she acts that way because she knows my boss will let her get away with it. that's what i don't like about my boss. that's the only thing. everything else about my boss, i adore.

you know, just because you and this woman go a long way and you've seen her develop, you shouldn't give in to her whim all the time. i think, given a choice, no matter how hard i work, he will chop my head off first chance he gets just to save her ass. i am afraid. i am very afraid.

anyway, i hope my boss comes home in one piece, God forbid, this set up be permanent. nobody likes her. i don't think her own kids like her. my boss is an angel, she's the devil.

i babble. Godspeed, Daddy (or older brother, boss, friend, companion, whatever), Godspeed.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

there were a lot of things off the air you didn't hear

so we meet on a sunday for Francis Brew's In The Raw and i'm nervous because i'm missing my two boys, the vocalist/guitarist/resident eye roller and the bassist/backup vocalist/sex symbol (have you seen how he cavorts to the intro of The One You Love by The Eagles? he will give any porn star a run for his money) are nowhere to be found and the weather doesn't look great.

anyway, i tell my guitar god that i'm just gathering my boys before going over to the station and Francis Reyes texts me, "you have another copy of their cd?"

this causes havoc in my already problematic head: two of the troma boys are missing in action and the station does not have a frigging cd?! i had to think fast. it was already 6.15pm. our call time was 7pm. before you know it, i was running the dark hallways of the 19th floor of our office building in makati to get a cd from my office pedestal; i was yelling at the cab driver to fly like the wind; i was jumping off the cab right before it could go to a halt. we all went through great lengths for this radio appearance. we weren't going to blow it because we didn't have a cd to play.

so the first thing that Francis tells me when he sees me after "pahingi ng yosi" (give me a cigarette) is, while pointing to my tummy, "when is that due?" and apparently, the boys and the other people with the band gave him the idea that they were all scared of me. am i scary?


commercial (and this has nothing to do with traumaligno, my apologies): Sven called me at about 1am today. he was telling me that they have a new guitarist and that i should go and watch the improved sound of Felepinas. and to keep in touch. does the audience feel lonely without me, Sven?


so the bands that came before us were the doctors and the girl who posed for FHM and her band. we just passed the time chatting and smoking outside the station while waiting for our turn. i try to socialize with Rock Ed's Gang Badoy and smoke with Francis some more while negotiating a way to get Latigo into NU107's playlist for real and not just a track you play every hour for just one week.


"so let me tell you the story when we back at the old studio and Bels tries to grab my crotch . . ."


and Pol asks Francis why i'd do such a thing. why else, Paul, I ask you. Francis was kidding, of course. why would want to do that? i am after his heart. bwahahaha. then i get multiple texts from lesbian guy a.k.a. Toti/Allan from 7Days Off asking us to greet him. we do. then Boom goes on to this litany about how difficult it is to get gigs when you're working in a call center. Paul says how difficult it is working in a call center period. Eric and Pete just stay quiet in the background until it was time to greet.


then Francis tells me again and this time i'm not sure if he's paying me a compliment or just really really tackless but he says, "go to the gym. sayang ang mukha mo . . ."


it's a good thing i am so in love with this guy and he lets me harass him on and off the air. otherwise, his frail body would've flown to midair.

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i'm glad that he gave the boys feedback. i mean, these boys look up to this guy, my guitar god, and they'll take in whatever they can learn from him.

the best is yet to come. this is just the beginning. =)


Monday, September 03, 2007

i am officially a pimp

no, i am not a groupie. i'm not a roadie. yeah, you can say i'm a band aid.


try fairuza balk talking to billy crudup in almost famous. yep, that's what i am to traumaligno. i know what it's like to love a band and their silly little piece of music so much that it hurts.

everyone has a right to be overly zealous about something. right now, this is what i'm enthusiastic about.

listen to the music and you'll see what the fuss is about.

wish i could say more. i'm just really tired right now from too much headbanging. or whatever it is that i'm doing when i hear rock/alternative music.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

para me masabi lang (just for the sake of saying something)

magtatagalog ako kasi sa opisina ako naman ang English Only Police. at nagpapa-power trip daw ako. ganito kasi 'yan, agent pa lang ako, maangas na 'ko dahil ayoko nakikipag-usap sa mga taong walang kwenta, 'yung tipong ang yayabang wala namang alam. hindi ko naman sinasabi na napakatalino ko, sentido komon lang 'yan eh. ayoko sa mga taong nakikita muna 'yung mali mo bago 'yung sa kanila. alam ko mas masarap pag-usapan ang mali ng ibang tao, lalo na pag tama ka saka pag boring ang buhay mo. kaso, siguro dapat me reality check ka na nun. baka kelangan mo na'ng bumaba sa earth para nga me mangyari sa buhay mo nang hindi mo na pinapakialaman ang buhay ng iba.

'yun na nga: marami nang naiinis sa'kin agent pa lang ako. marami talagang maiinis sa'kin dahil sasabihin ko sa'yo kung ano'ng nasa utak ko at wala akong pakialam kung hindi mo ma-get basta hindi kita dinedehado, sasabihin ko 'yun kasi mahirap maging plastik. you can only pretend for so long and then it gets tiring. you have to be yourself. but then, if this is all you can ever be, then too bad for you. the English Only Policy is only an excuse for these people to hate me more for being true to myself because they can't. it's not my fault they're a bunch of charlatans. i am responsible only for my happiness, not other people's. i can't even find my own. at least now, me basis na. sabihin na lang nila, "yumabang na si Bels". i'm sorry, matagal na kaya akong mayabang. it's useless restating the obvious. magalit na ang magalit. hindi ko kasalanan kung makikitid ang utak ninyo. if you have a problem with the fucking English Only Policy, talk to my boss. in english ha? kasi he wouldn't waste so much money in promoting this program if he didn't believe it was feasible. otherwise, i'll just tell him, "you know what, screw it. it's a stupid idea. let's just issue disciplinary actions to people" besides, we work in a fucking call center, you SHOULD be speaking in english, even in your breaks unless you want to just keep on developing your wrong grammar and your carabao english while you talk to your american, british, australian customers. this is what gets the bills paid; electricity, water, phone, DSL, etc. so start trying to be good at it.

***

sabi ko kasi magtatagalog ako eh. kasalanan ko ba kung mas komportable ako magalit sa ingles. bata pa lang ako inglisera na 'ko, nang-e-edit na 'ko ng me maling grammar. pero ngayon ko lang talaga na-realize, asar na asar ako pag me nakakasabay akong konyo. promise. pero inglisera ako. ang weird di ba?

ang bait talaga ng boss ko, pinakabitan ako ng IM sa PC. at dahil ang bait sa'kin ng IT, me sound card din ako sa PC ko. di ba kapag ganun, wala ka dapat access? ako meron. me purpose naman kasi 'yung pagpapakabit niya nun, para di na niya ko ite-text, ia-IM na lang niya ko, di ba? tama naman. kaso nahanap ako nung pseudo-boyfriend ko na nasa abroad na ngayon.

bakit nga pseudo? kasi nung college ako, crush na crush ko siya. di naman kagwapuhan, matalino lang talaga saka mabait. nung mga time na second year college ako, ang wish ko, kung magkaka-boyfriend ako, siya na. pero hindi, ang niligawan 'yung best friend ko nung time na 'yun. tapos na 'yun, di ko na siya bet. kumbaga, tapos na, naka-move on na 'ko, iba na gusto ko. nagka-girlfriend pa nga ako, di ba? wala na sa'kin 'yun. ang nakakainis, ang kulit sa IM. as in, walang magawa sa trabaho niya sa abroad, wala sigurong makausap, kaya kahit alam niya na nasa trabaho ako, kinukulit ako.

okay lang naman, kaso, ako kasi pag nakikipagkulitan sa chat, ang gusto ko kausap 'yung di ko pa masyadong kilala para me kilig ng konti 'yung usapan dahil wala lang. pag me history na kayo tapos nagpapa-cute, mas nakakabwisit kesa nakakatuwa. ang hinahanap ko nga, intellectual intercourse eh, tapos ang bababaw ng pinag-uusapan namin. ayoko na balikan 'yung nakaraan kasi tapos na 'yun eh. ayokong pagbigyan ka kasi trip mo lang i-feed 'yung ego mo.

***
sana hindi ka mataray pag kausap kita, kasi hindi madali 'yung ginawa ko para sa'yo. hindi naman ako humihingi ng kapalit. pero sana lang, sensible kang kausap. akala ko malalim ka eh, kaya kita gusto. hindi mo ba kayang makipagsabayan sa'kin? ayaw mo 'ko kausap? ibig sabihin kaya ka lang mabait sa'kin kasi ginawa ko 'yun para sa'yo? on a normal day, we wouldn't be talking at all, is that it?

***
nagkita kami ng barkada ko, matagal ko na rin siya di nakita. mahal ko 'yung kaibigan ko na 'yun kahit na pakiramdam ko hipokrito siya. parati na lang niya ako pinagsasabihan na huwag na makipagrelasyon sa kapwa ko babae.tama naman siya. pero sana, kung pinagsasabihan niya ko, kasi Kristiyano siya, dapat hindi rin siya nakikipag-sex sa girlfriend niya outside the benefit of marriage. i don't like it when people lecture me on how to live my life when they can't even take off the mud on their faces. pero tama na'yan. hindi 'yan ang dahilan kung bakit ako nabubuwisit sa kanya. nagkakasundo kami kasi pareho kaming mahilig sa rock music so kapag me bago akong nakilala na banda, pinaparinig ko kaagad sa kanya 'yung kanta. nabwisit talaga ako kasi he wouldn't listen to the song because it's in Filipino. e di ba, Pilipino ka? hindi mo pakikinggan 'yung kanta kahit anong ganda niya kasi tagalog? eh pareho lang naman tayong kayumanggi. atsaka hindi ka kagwapuhan, sister. lalo pa'kong nainis kasi nilait mo 'yung mp3 player ko. kahit wala akong ipod, me pera akong pambili ng sarili kong kape, hindi katulad mo, me ipod ka nga, ako pa nanlilibre sa pang-Figaro mo. do not discriminate against a song, do not refuse to listen to music by your fellow Filipinos because you're a freaking Filipino. and get yourself your own coffee the next time.

***
hindi kita gusto. ayoko sa lalaking high-waisted mag-tuck-in. ang tanong, lalake ka ba? huwag mo akong itulad sa mga babaeng nakakabolahan sa phone kasi hindi nila alam kung ano ka talaga. ikaw 'yung tipo ng lalakeng ayokong makasama kasi hindi mo pa natatanggap sa sarili mo na bakla ka kaya ginagawa mo pa rin ang akala mong normal na gawain ng normal ng diretsong lalake. hindi mo ba naiisip na natatakot na silang lumapit sa'yo kasi ang hilig mong mang-akbay at mamisil ng kamay, not to mention, nangingindat ka pa. akala ko meron kang sakit. tigilan mo na ako. between you and a lesbian who will only break my heart and drain me emotionally, i'd go with the lesbian.

***
nanuod ako ng gig ng barkada ko. sana naisip niya na dahil siya lang ang kakilala ko dun, wala akong ibang kakausapin kundi siya. tama bang iwan ako? alam ko sikat ka na and everything pero sana maalala mo rin na nung crap pa sinusulat mo, andyan na'ko. saka, dude, i came all the way here just for you, i haven't had any sleep at all at magbe-birthday naman ako, sana sinamahan mo 'ko di ba? dahil kayo, isa, dalawang gabi lang kayong puyat. ako, trabaho ko magpuyat. kaya if i exerted some effort to watch your silly little gig, dahil magaling ka naman, at gusto ko rin 'yung tugtugan niyo at mahal kita, sana, di mo ko iniiwan. hindi madali 'yung ginagawa ko. because i didn't leave you when you needed me. i was there. you've had what, how many girlfriends? but 'm still here for you, asshole. but you, you never were there. you couldn't get me anything. why the hell are we still friends?

siguro tanga lang talaga 'ko. tulog na 'ko. i've whined long enough. i can sleep now.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

another year of what?

so it's the big 3-0. that's thirty. tatlumpo.

what do i have to show for? nothing much.

it's just another day. it's just another year.

my boss told me to disappear otherwise he'd make me work.

so i did.

i'm alone but i'm not lonely. although i could be happier.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

my hair is long, i don't know why.

so Boom, Pit and i were in a cab going to Cubao, after we left the gig for call center agents and we tell the cab driver we want to listen to another radio station, NU107, of course. and Russ Davis is the DJ. we request for troma's song, which he can't play because it's only for In The Raw (and Francis can't play it because he doesn't have the titles - but do request for it still, i'm gonna bug my honey till it hurts him ahehehe) so i request for something else.

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AND RUSS REMEMBERS THAT MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP AND GREETS ME!!!!

i love this guy!

people who remember you and your birthday and plays a song for you, when they're not even supposed to, that's touching. that's sweet. touch me!

***

so lesbian guy performs and he sings to me. he looks me straight in the eye while singing and points to me.

i would love to. but you know how this will go, right?

***

so Russell, look at my back.

that's it. admire my wonderful looking back.

***

bagay ba tayo? ayoko, crush ka na ng friend ko e.

pero okay ka. kung di ka lang niya type, type kita.
(are we good for each other? i don't want to because you're my friend's crush. but you're okay. if she didn't like you, i'd like you)

***

my friend Ace of bagetsafonik just recently launched their album at Saguijo bar. i'm featuring the demo version of Glued to the Groove here but i heard that the album version is much sexier. check it out and enjoy. =)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

what shouldn't come out of your mouth when you see your ex unexpectedly

So now, we know. If I were to see Russell in MY building, MY set of elevators, MY working hours, I’d lose. I’d totally lose. You can really tell when a person is unprepared to see his/her ex or not because you know they’d foul up when they do. no matter how many times you practice it in your head, if you're not ready to see your ex, YOU'RE NOT READY.

what the hell was he doing in MY building, MY elevators, MY working hours anyway? passing himself off again as a single guy with a kid?! has he gotten tired of wishing that all of the people in the planet have cancer so he can sell his medicine?

besides, whoever does ask me a stupid question is sure to get a sarcastic answer from me regardless. if you see that it is paper, and you know that it is paper, why bother ask?

i recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time . . . feel free . . .
wear it down, it feels so good
wait until the dusk settles

you live, you learn
you choke, you learn
you cry, you learn
you choose, you learn


i choose to be happy. i choose to forgive. i choose to forget.

it is much easier to forgive than to forget.

Russell = 1, Bels = 0

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

my guitar god

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so i finally get to drop off traumaligno's cd at NU107 after putting it off for so long since i have been sooo busy with my new responsibility as someone's Executive Assistant and it was a good experience. i got to see Francis Brew Reyes, my honey, my guitar god. and you think after all these years, he still remembers me. now i haven't had my emotional or intellectual quotient checked in a long time but i hear it's pretty high and this is the man who has the capabilities of making that quotient go negative.

we all have our heroes, our icons, people who inspire us to do good in our lives, who give us a reason for living when we feel that life has become mundane, meaningless and void of any reason for continuity. but i read, i listen to music. i try to have fun, i work. and at this point, no matter how exhausting this work is, it is what keeps this sorry ass sane.

francis reyes, lead guitarist for The Dawn, does that for me, in a way. of course, there's Jessica Zafra, there's Cillian Murphy. when he plays the guitar, you forget that he's short and that he can be a bitch sometimes. of course, there are other greater guitarists out there, i know. but he's mine, he's my favorite. he's my love mwahahaha

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now while i get star struck with him, he gets star struck talking about his man-crush for Dave Grohl and how great he is and how humble the Alanis-lookalike is. my down-to-earth guitar god is yapping about how down-to-earth Dave Grohl is.

so before i go, we hug and we kiss like old friends like we just saw each other yesterday and talk about how i don't really want to defend criminals anyway so i shouldn't feel bad about not passing the bar yet. and he even says, " i can't wait to be faxed by you!"

oh francis, i'll fax you anytime!!!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

keeping it safe and quiet

tonight i'll start training for a new responsibility and while they told me that it's just a lateral movement, the title rocks. no kidding. it's the culmination (am i allowed to use words i don't even know the meaning to?) of all my hard work and patience. plus, i'll be working for one of the greatest, nices bosses in the planet. the Lord has been very good to me. i have no right to complain. it just means that my "meaningful relationship" quest will be placed on hold.

now i understand that this will mean more responsibility, less time to sleep. hell, i never get to sleep anyway.

***

i think i've mentioned here before that i find it hard to get bi and i still do. i still get the same old stupid straight questions of which one is the better sex partner; i still get accused of having really bad relationships with men that's why i'm into girls.


didn't it ever occur to you that it's the other way around?


i mean, couldn't i be searching for a guy now because i've had so much bad luck with women? because i've been into girls long before i met the asshole men in my life. and after M, i have not been able to get into any relationship at all, with a man or woman. i think she ruined me for men and other women. no kidding. how many times have i said that? i'll say it again, M ruined me for men and other women.

because i can never have the conversations i want with men. when i do find one i can talk to, they're either gay, taken or busy pining over somebody who does not know the difference between "their", "there" and "they're". with women, my problem is that i have had so much pain trying to invest emotions on another woman and i just get burned. it is so exhausting.

guess i'll keep looking. focus on the job then.

***
don't you just hate it when people know you because they need you for something?! sycophants. charlatans.

i hope you can pronounce and spell, define those words. you know who you are. i think i'm gonna get a lot of you people because of my new responsibility. but i'll be ready.









Saturday, July 07, 2007

because i am one short and stout couch potato 2

sunday is everything-i-wasn't-able-to-do-during-the-whole-week-i-do-today-day. it's also the day i take the opportunity to relax, watch tv, sleep. well, more often than not, wishing i could sleep. so when i can't sleep, i watch tv.

there are so many good shows showing on tv that i can't resist not watching. for one, there's CSI Supreme Sunday. the miniature killer is a genius. whoever wrote this season's episodes is a genius.

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another show that keeps me awake when i should be sleeping is Criminal Minds. just like CSI, the show makes you think. it makes you aware about the factors that lead people to be the sick perverts that they are and in a way, make you understand what led them to be cruel cold blooded criminals so we're not quick to judge.

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a show i don't seem to catch on a weekend is Heroes. the idea that there are people among us, ordinary people, having superpowers excite me, the same way i get intrigued by witches and vampires. they're just ordinary people dealing with extraordinary powers, they have trouble coping too. things like that.

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for comic relief, i rely on How I Met Your Mother and The Class. HIMYM brings back to the small screen our favorite teenage doctor (he doesn't look like he's aged at all, huh?) Neil Patrick Harris and our favorite witch/flutist Allyson Hannigan. just by the title itself, it shows a guy named Ted telling his two kids how he met their mother and the journey towards meeting her. it's funny.

you have to forgive me. i still haven't developed the art of music, tv, film review. i just know it's good, it sucks or it's not worth my time.

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The Class actually stars a bunch of unknowns, save for John Ritter's son, Jason. John Ritter? Three's Company for the 80's kids. it reunites a group of 28-year olds who were classmates in elementary. the show is actually hilarious except for the part where you don't know anybody. but the show does feature Mandy Moore's How To Deal co-star Trent Ford, so that's something to look forward to.

all these shows, make me want to keep stocks of their seasons. they keep me awake even when i want so much to sleep. oh yeah, they don't encourage me to exercise too.