Wednesday, December 27, 2006

accidents do happen

"i love him for the man he wants to be and the man he almost is"

i think that's Renee saying that from Jerry Maguire.

i didn't want to like you. but i couldn't help it. i didn't even plan on loving you, as much as i do now. but i do.

that's mine.

i find myself telling you things i can't even tell my closest friends. and you made me forget Happiness! i thought he was so hot but then you were so wonderful and funny that, well, Happiness is history. and it's so bad that you have to leave.

it's hard because, when i meet people, they always manage to take a piece of me, no matter how little and even if i've only spent time with them for a short while, i still try to hold on to the ties.

then you talk about letting go.

people always leave. i try to shield myself from people, i try to keep something for myself so it wouldn't be so hard when they go. they always leave me, no matter how hard i try to keep them. and you say it hurts you too, when you go. the risk is always there, no matter how you try to protect yourself from it. but then you hold back and you miss out on all those wonderful opportunities you could've spent together because you were so busy trying not to get hurt. hopefully, even if you leave, we'll still be friends.

i remember my ex-girlfriend E when i first heard this song by ChicoSci. it was supposed to be our song. when i heard it over the weekend, you were the first thing that popped into my head. i haven't stopped thinking about you since last Saturday. damnit.

PARIS by ChicoSci

Could I be so affected
Will I stay on your mind
Why am I so infected
The way that we shine

Speak now or forever fall into pieces
I took you so fast
The way we are is just a movie sequence
I took you so

I can't ever deny this
This gift you won't hide
This scene that we're in together
The story of our lives
Broken, lover
Tears flow, endless rivers
One love, one heart
Still we won't sever

Speak now or forever fall into pieces
I took you so fast
The way we are is just a movie sequence
I took you so fast

Speak now or forever fall into pieces
I took you so fast
The way we are is just a movie sequence
I took you so fast

Could I be so affected
Will I stay on your mind
Why am I so infected
The way that we shine
Twisting, turning
As we move further
My own prayer
We will both emerge

You and I step into the light
I'm so graced
That I have this
You and I step into the light
I'm so graced
That I have this


i am blessed to have met you. you're such a wonderful person to know. i hope you see that too.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

what's up, betty?

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they're showing reruns of Betty La Fea on Studio 23. i hate the dubbing. ugh. it's terrible. the show was originally shown in GMA7 and Betty's voice was dubbed by no other than Chin Chin Gutierrez. i liked it so much, especially the part where even if she wasn't pretty yet, she had this French lover named Michel. the dubbing in GMA7 was so much better, you could feel their every emotion. it was so funny, it was the bomb.

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right now, they're showing an American version and the girl who plays Betty is America Ferrera (from Real Women Have Curves, although she's a bit thinner now. yes, that's her name, people). i don't really know how they adapted it but the show also features Eric Mabius (he played Tim on the L Word, remember him? Jenny's fiancee? right!) and probably a lot of other nice people. i haven't been able to do my homework but they say the show's a hit in the States just like the original was.

i mean, who could resist it? you're smart, you're nice, but you just happen to be, well, goofy, different-looking, or say, up to par with so-called standards, since you don't know how to fix yourself. so people don't really see the beauty inside. she was working in the fashion industry, for crying out loud! you understand how i can relate so much to this, do you?

***

i didn't want to like you. really. but you are so nice and wonderful and sweet and funny and responsible that i couldn't help it. let's face it, you're not as attractive as he is, but your feet are so planted on the ground that it's impossible not to fall in love with you. and to think i've only known you for a few days.

happiness is not so happy anymore. sweetness is in. or maybe thoughtfulness. whatever.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

like i care

there's this new guy on the floor, i think i've mentioned this here before. i liked him the moment he set foot on the floor, although he wasn't the one people first noticed when their batch first came in. but for some weird reason, he calls attention to himself. gwapo eh. Marc Abaya look-alike, Yael Yuzon sound-alike. what do you expect?

he reminds me of my old crush, the Law/MBA student (he's leaving the account, by the way), because the issues raised to me by old crush, are the issues that are being confronted by, uh, Happiness.

yes, because it started at approximately 1am and ends at around 10am. or 10.30pm to 7.30pm. depends.

you know.

the difference between old crush and new crush is that, old crush is a bit older and i'd like to think more mature. he did disappoint me, though. new crush, i think, is easily fazed and jaded by the idea that everyone is talking about him. although i did (and i still think so) think he is mature for his age. he does call attention to himself because he can be a pompous ass, this narcissistic bitch (yes, i sometimes think so. i don't even know if i'm saying that because he doesn't like me or because he can be a pompous ass) so there's no stopping the things that people will say about him until some new person comes along (or if i am powerful enough to divert their attention) to talk about.

see, i don't have this problem. i'm not attractive. i'm not smart, although he did say that i am (like it was a liability) and in this aspect, i think he listens to me and respects my opinion. i'm not sexy. oh, and for some weird reason, people do like to talk about me behind my back even if i've been on the floor for ages. but then, i attract negative energy wherever i go so what's the fucking point?

i mean, people only know this much so they add or subtract what they can because nobody really bothered to ask me what the truth was. he's lucky because he has concerned people like me who will point it out to him. i'm not that special because i am not worth talking to and verifying with information that may have been incorrect. besides, it's always been that way, at school, at work, at home. it's not like i planned to be talked about. i'm loud to begin with. but i don't do shit much. most everything is fabricated and like i said, since i am not special, no one ever bothered to sit down with me and talk about it. they just went ahead and made judgment based on whatever little known "facts" they have.

and i don't really care. when i come home, i come home to a father who thinks i'm a failure regardless of whatever i have achieved for myself so i don't really care about what people say. it's nothing compared to the crap i get at home from the one person i expect to accept and understand me.

you will get through this. it hurts me to see you go through this. experience has taught me to be stronger or at least, give other people the impression that i don't care. you have to experience this to be a better person and while i am not a better person, i'd like to think i'm stronger.

you did say i have a strong personality.

maybe that's why you don't see me. you don't think i need taking care of.

i do, actually.

and right now, i want you.

whatever.

Casino Royale: not the disappointment that i thought it would be

"i have no armour left . . .
you've stripped it from me . . .
whatever is left . . .
whatever i am . . .
i'm yours . . ."

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i said here before that i didn't know what to make out of a blond james bond.

i would like to retract that. or at least, state for the record that i have given Daniel Craig a chance, that i did watch the latest Bond movie (finally!) and that i did not regret it.

you know how it is, when you've grown up watching these movies, you look forward to when the next one is gonna be and hope that it is not a disappointment. it wasn't. i missed Q and Money Penny. i missed him saying, "Shaken, not stirred.", i missed things that i got used to. like the dark hair.

then i remembered that this serves as a prequel for the new generation of Bond fans. so no new gadgets. no innuendos with the Secretary. i wanted to know what M was short for, though. who even knew she was bloody married?!

i can't say that i loved it immensely. there were parts i couldn't stand (like the torture, the bloody romance because it reminded me so much that i was fucking ignored by my "Happiness", the violence, the distance between two points is a straight line, the fact that i drank that biggie iced tea and i needed to pee but i didn't want to miss anything) but it was funny, it was hot, it was thrilling to watch, just like any Bond movie is.

and did i mention that Daniel Craig's body was hot?

hus dis?

- shortcut for "who is this?"

- text lingo to check who has been texting you since you have no idea and their number is not registered on your phonebook directory

- you falsely hoping that it might be someone special

don't you find it strange that something so grammatically incorrect is now an acceptable form of reply?

doesn't it scare you that nobody wants to talk personally to other people anymore?

doesn't it piss you off when somebody you don't know suddenly texts you and tells you weird things, even professes love for you but you have no idea who the fuck they are? or maybe they tell you you're a bitch but you cannot fight back because it will only provoke them to text you even more knowing they can hide behind anonymity? (fucking cowards, those one-balled bastards)

doesn't it piss you off that your crush wouldn't give you the time of day because you're from a different network and he doesn't have load because he's on unlimitxt with his phone company then he suddenly texts back when it's a number he doesn't recognize? then he stops texting again, when he finds out it's just you.

yeah, it's just you. like you were some irrelevant mammal.

who the hell are you to ask who i am? you don't even know me. and the little you do know is just the tip of the fucking iceberg. trivial. superficial.

apparently, so are you.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

it's Dawson's show, but Pacey gets the girl

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i have always been a closet Dawson's Creek fan. i like the characters, how they developed into mature people. it's Dawson's show, yes, but i have always loved Pacey.

remember when Joey was supposed to paint this wall but for some weird reason, she didn't know what to paint in it and she was so undecided about what to do with it? well, Pacey was going sailing for the summer and he needed something to hold on to, or at least, a reason to come back. wall problem solved: Pacey paints on the Joey's wall in big, bold letters: ASK ME TO STAY.

Audrey was leaving, she was already on the airport and Pacey realized he needed her and didn't want her to leave. Pacey, of course, ever so reliable, couldn't afford to buy a ticket just to follow her. he then asks the guy at the paging system to help him reach Audrey, who was very conveniently listening to her rock music cd player. good thing Jen nudges Audrey and she does get the message.

like i said, much as i would hate to admit, damnit, i am as mushy as mushy can be. i love this show. Dawson gets to be director; Jen, sadly, dies, but leaves Jack a daughter (leaving her the very important message: "as much as you want to, you can never rely on someone else to make you feel alive, it's an inside job"); and Joey and Pacey live happily ever after, watching Dawson's movie at the comfort of their home.

i love happy endings too.

***

i like you but i don't want to like you as much as i would like him because it would only hurt.

but you're wonderful. honestly.