Wednesday, August 30, 2006

dark, darker, darkest

by the time you read this, somebody may already have been kicked out. maybe two.

wow, the final 6: there's toby (picture not shown here), there's dilana, there's magni, there's lukas, there's storm and there's ryan.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i think that ryan really is the dark horse in this equation since the man just keeps getting better and better each week and his performances much more intense. there is that animal raring to get out.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

magni has had the misfortune of being in the bottom three for the past weeks now but the man is just great. i like his campaign to get more votes. maybe i'll do that next year. =)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i liked dilana early in the show. i thought it was about time a woman won this thing. but then as the story progresses, as her performances become more powerful, she becomes more arrogant. i don't buy the whole "i'm weak and vulnerable" bit. i've heard that line before. contrary to what other people might think, i don't forget that this is still a reality show produced by Mark Burnett.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

storm, storm, STORM. so hot. hot. HOT. my gaydar is tingling. nah, she could just be a tomboy but not an actual lesbian. but she is hot. hot. HOT. oh, yeah, i said that already.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

lukas. lukas. LUKAS. i love a guy who's so secure with his manhood he can put make-up on. and he's hot. hot. HOT. INTENSE.

so who's the dark, darker, darkest horse?

Monday, August 28, 2006

because we do

Girls Keep Secrets in the Strangest Ways

If you quit, if you start
If you want to play a part
If you stop, if you begin
If you lose it, if you win
If you come, if you go
If you miss the opening night show
If you smile, and if you cry
If you promise, if you lie


[Chorus x2]
Girls keep secrets in the strangest ways
Girls don’t tell
We just sometimes have to say

If you speak, if you keep still
If you turn mountains into a molehill
If you love, and if you hate
If you see it all too late

[Chorus x2]
Girls keep secrets in the strangest ways
Girls don’t tell
We just sometimes have to say

If you stop, if you begin
If you lose it, if you win
If you smile, if you cry
If you promise, if you lie (x2)

If you quit, if you start
If you want to play a part
If you stop, if you begin
If you lose it, if you win

[Chorus x2]
Girls keep secrets in the strangest ways
Girls don’t tell
We just sometimes have to say

my letter to jade

I can’t stop thinking about you.

I know I should but I can’t. I know I should be treating you just like any guy who wouldn’t give me the time of day if not for that one moment. I know I should treat you like I would treat Link and Jake. But that’s just it: you are not
Link, you are not Jake. You’re different. You’re special. You’re special because you’re my friend. You’re special because you don’t know how it works and you wouldn’t treat it with indifference. There's something admirable about that innocence, that naivete. At least, I’d like to think that you thought it was special too, because it’s me.

I’m not sure if the reason I can’t put a lid on it is because I’m worried about you; because you’re not like us heartless human beings; because you’re pure. You refuse to believe that that’s the way things work. You refuse to give in to the hype; you refuse to be cold and unfeeling. The way I used to be, before he changed me. I wish I could treat this incident the way he (Link) taught me to treat all incidents with him and with Jake. I wish I could go back to being cold and unfeeling.

I don’t even want to think about the other side of things. With you and me, there is no other side. There's just one side, that side is that we’re both special to each other because we’re friends. That’s it. I shouldn’t be over thinking this, just like I told you that you shouldn’t. Maybe I’m over thinking it so that you don’t have to. And the funny thing is, I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I don’t see you that way anymore. I am not the girl those many years ago and whatever feelings I had for you, they had long been buried. I just don’t want to lose my friend. You promised I wouldn’t lose you and I promised you wouldn’t lose me. I intend to keep it that way.

If only I could stop thinking about you.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

it’s a holiday ‘coz it’s my birthday. it’s a holiday ‘coz it’s my birthday today

i got to eat dinner with boi bitch Friday evening and i was glad i did. we were able to cover so many things in such a short amount of time. he was a bit under the weather but he waited for me because he and i barely get to see each other anymore. and i love being with boi bitch because he enhances my vocabulary. he's just about big words.

after dinner, boi bitch dropped me off Saguijo bar where i met my best friend/Bagetsafonik vocalist Ace for the Wolfmann tribute party. i got to hear the tail end of Cambio’s performance. i saw Atty. Vin Dancel and i almost wanted to go up to him and ask for bar tips. there was another band first, before Ace and Markus and Doy and Tom and Pao (see? i know their names now, for real), Sound, i think, was its name. while waiting for their other band mates, Ace, Markus and i went to the gallery at the second floor. the place was so intimate; i wanted to make a wish. there was this one black and white photo i wanted to get for myself if i had the money (but ace said he’d give it to girlfriend and i didn’t want to say i wanted it too ‘coz it would mean that we’d compete for it or something). it was a sleeping alley cat on a wooden floor, i think. what beer could do to you, i swear. it makes you think things you shouldn’t be and makes you forget things you should be thinking about. basta, the title of the photo was slumber. it would look so magnificent in this house, or in my room, at least, if i didn’t have too much junk.

so Bagetsafonik performs Falling, calling (i heard before from when i watched them at Mayrics), Halogen (my personal favorite, heard on the Burn cd), Automatic, a song i forgot to ask ace the title of and Saccharine, which currently enjoys airplay over at NU107.

sidebar: after the Mayrics gig, i asked Ace to walk me to my dorm/condo/boarding house and he kept on asking me if we were there yet. i told him it was just nearby and he goes, “Annabel, pag tatlong 7-eleven na ‘yung nadaanan mo, malayo na ‘yun!” (Annabel, if you’ve already passed by three 7-eleven stores, that’s already far!”). we were just walking.

like i always say, i consider it a luxury and a privilege when i get to hear Bagetsafonik play since i don’t really get to go out at night and this is just one of those rare instances. my best friend is a rockstar. i’d describe how great their band is only i am running out of big words. right now, i am what boi bitch describes as “perpetually confused”. anyway, when they finish, Narda sets up and i swear, Katu is the bomb. she was so hot and so . . . so . . . HOT. then it was Cyril/silver filter. it was the start of the electronica set. i wanted to dance but i didn’t have my girls (Johanna and anj) with me.

the great thing about Wolfmann and the reason they honored him that night, was because he bridged the gap between Philippine rock music and electronica. he made it acceptable to some “conservative” groups, he made it possible. i didn’t meet the guy personally and couldn’t say for myself that i was there for the cause because i wasn’t, but i have so much respect for the guy.

after everybody left Saguijo, ace and i followed his band mates over at Big Sky Mind where Sandwich, Imago, Sugarfree and Itchyworms were playing. we were just in time for itchyworms opening their set when i saw someone familiar: Jake. i haven’t seen Jake in 18 months. he still looked good. we chatted up a bit since ace went to take a wiz then we went our separate ways. just like that. and i saw Gang Badoy of RockEd. she sang songs from the Lex Palooza repertoire (and i bet she doesn’t even know who LP is). i also got to meet some of ace’s friends like Annabel Bosch.

i missed going out like that. there are so many people you can meet in the night gigs. everybody knows everybody. and i missed Tequila Sunrise. Felepinas will NEVER perform in gigs like this. they’ll be stoned to death. i miss Sven.

Friday, August 18, 2006

heto na, heto na, heto na . . . wahhhh!!!!

lobsters postscript: when i make love to a woman, i don't imagine a man and i don't imagine a woman trying to be a man. i see her for who she is. i feel the same way when i make love to an actual man. that was my point: i don't love a person to try to change him/her. i love that person to bring the best out of that person and to let that person bring the best (even the worst) out of me, regardless of his/her gender.

i finally got it. Orange and Lemons have been mentioning it over and over at the Tequila Sunrise gigs. Echo Singson wrote about it in his blog. and they’ve been plugging it over at MYX at those few times that i get to watch local tv. you had the Eraserheads tribute album, now comes the APO Hiking Society tribute album.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

much as i’d refuse to admit it, i do listen to OPM music that does not necessarily fall under the ROCK section of the record bars. yes, people, before i listened to these great music i blab about every so often, i did have a crap phase. you wouldn’t really know what’s good unless you listen you crap, right? but there were good stuff, great stuff and yes, I do owe that to M. she always liked to listen to old stuff, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s. i was a big 80's freak, you know, all that new wave stuff. but she listened to music that was older than we were, even older than the music my parents listened to.

like other compilation albums, there were parts i adored and there were parts i had so much pain listening to. When I Met You was one of my band in law school's favorite songs and i wasn't too happy with how Barbie Almalbis arranged it. i didn't know the band Sound but i was able to appreciate their version of Di Na Natuto and even if i'm not really into Shamrock and Rocksteddy, but liked what they did to Paano and Blue Jeans, respectively. i'm not really familiar with the songs Sandwich and Boldstar performed but their versions of the songs were good introductions. i am missing a song, though and i can't remember what the title is at the moment and i don't want to text M just to ask.

if it weren't for the APO, until now we'd be listening to tagalog versions of American and British songs and that's really awful pop music for all you kids. with rock music, i could get so much substance from the creativity of our rock bands, but imagine a tagalog version of (Hit Me) Baby, One More Time or of Push The Buttons. remember Jenine Desiderio's Ako Si Darna (for Karyn White's Superwoman)? still makes me cringe when i hear it on the radio. and that would be so frigging awful. i'm glad we have quality tagalog love songs, even if most of them are really old stuff from the 70's, 80's and 90's. most of the pop music that we have right now are rehashed and bastardized arrangements of the songs from way back anyway (hello? M. Y. M. P.?!) so we go back to the classics.

we owe this, in part, to these three gentlemen, who have made love songs, and even songs that don't even mean anything (American Junk was funny. "Hey Pay-droh!" "it's Pidru!) and songs that meant a difference to other people's lives politically (Handog ng Pilipino sa Mundo was composed by one of them, i think, Jim, for the original Edsa Revolution) and many other things i can't remember nor put into words right now. just enjoy the music.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Rockstar: Jill, yes. but Josh? NO!!!

Jill overdid it again, as usual. i liked her some days, but not all days.

but Josh . . . why Josh?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

maybe because Josh was too soulful and some people have the mistaken notion that you really really have to be loud or hard to be called a rockstar. but then again, you're auditioning for Gilbey Clarke, former GN'R guitarist; Jason Newsted is from Metallica; and well, "hell yeah!" Tommy Lee, is from (your favorite porn website. nah, just kidding) Motley Crue and these are all hard-rocking bands and a little bit of soul shouldn't have hurt. but they axed him too soon.

once again, Lukas killed it. i have no idea who he'll face off with. but the man is the bomb.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i mean, just like JD Fortune, he has some sort of strategy up his sleeves that rubs the other people in the Rockstar Mansion the wrong way. but the dude just keeps getting better and better as the weeks pass by. so you can't miss the talent right there. we'll see.

***
by the way, and this has nothing to do with Rockstar but some other kind of star. i just found out who the girl that jake left his girlfriend for is. the world is so small. well, at least he's happy. we all deserve to be happy.

even i do.

because i needed something to do to unwind - - talk about coincidences

like i said, i miss going to Tequila Sunrise every Saturday and i don't just want to hang out and have coffee all the time. i swear to God, if somebody pricked me, i will bleed caffeine.

and i don't want to do videoke all the time. if i spent the whole week talking, i just want to be able to preserve my voice.

so last Saturday, we watched The Break Up starring VinniFer (Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston) and it was okay.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

it was a nice film and i recalled my relationship with M and what would have happened if she and i lived together immediately after law school and then have the break up. that would've been a total disaster. talk about liquidation of assets and liabilities.

***
today we watched Click with Adam Sandler. of course, he cracks me up. but i also saw it, no, not for David "the Knight Rider" Hasselhoff (bet you kids don't know who or what the fuck Knight Rider is, 'no?) but for Christopher Walken.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

yes, kids. that bad haired guy standing next to Adam Sandler. that's who i went to see. the man's gotten old but he's still hot.

it was a great movie. we cried.  it gave me a chance to cry and then hug people. why would you want to miss out on the opportunity to tell people that you love them and let them feel the love, right?

***
strangely enough, after we went out of the theater, we heard Orange and Lemons' Abot Kamay playing inside the mall. it sounded so loud. SO LIVE. LIVE LIKE IN THE GROUND FLOOR OF MARKET!MARKET! LIVE.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

so we rush down the stairs to watch the band perform their more masa songs for the audience. we stood in front to be recognized and we enjoyed it. Mcoy even winked at us and Clem was inviting us to go nearer to where they stayed. of course, it's like fans day all over again so we just said our "Hi's" and left. me masaya na namang bata today. buti pa siya. (there's another happy kid today. good for her). and to think we only wanted to watch the movie at Market!Market! because it was cheaper there. oh well. talk about coincidences.

i wonder when i'll find you again. or will you find me?

my ex-honey, The Princess

note: you may consider this a delusional post inspired by another equally demented entry.

that's it, i've had it. i cannot contain it any longer. this has got to be the last straw. i can no longer suffer in silence.

we used to be lovers. ever since that night i met him in the 1998 NU107 Rock Awards, we have had this clandestine relationship. i was just to stay in the background since he's this huge hotshot, being the guitarist of The Dawn, great DJ in NU107 and all. i was forced to keep my mouth shut. i like to keep a low profile.

it was such a great source of happiness for me, that relationship. until . . .

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

until he decided he didn't like girls anymore. he wanted to be one.

he was always such a big drama queen anyway.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

anyway, i still love you. i still yearn for you, my sweet, my precious.

anytime you decide you want your organs re-assessed to their original state, i'll just be here, ok? Princess? Francis?

photos courtesy of http://watdat.livejournal.com

Thursday, August 10, 2006

lobsters: to butch or not to butch

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

before my PC conked out on me, i was able to watch about 3 episodes of season 3 of the L Word and i was very much intrigued by Daniela Sea's character Moira/Max.

how the hell do you pee standing up? and that was before the testosterone?

for some two years i have gone out with lesbians. all three of them butches and weirdly enough, all three of them had bigger breasts than me. all wished to either have the twins removed or that thing that makes you bleed every month and give you cramps. it's understandable. although i wouldn't really go ahead and have a complete overhaul even if i felt like a man. but that's just me.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i find it sad that the only lesbian show i can have access to rarely has a developed butch character that would depict that side of lesbianism. i got disappointed with Shane in that episode because before Moira's character surfaced, she was the closest thing to a butch that the L Word had and she wasn't really very comforting. i don't know. maybe because i was exposed more to that side of lesbianism as compared to the lipstick lesbians. here in the R.P., you know (because of their appearance) who the lesbian is and who isn't right away and i'm not being sterotypical. and when they do show that character, i don't want that character to be in a rush to become a man. i mean, that's why it's a lesbian show; that's why Tim's gone and Mark's gone, because it's a lesbian show!

i wish they'd try to develop that side of lesbianism. or have more butch characters who don't want to have that part of their anatomy re-assessed and re-modeled to something else. i mean, the reason you're in to lesbians is because you're not into guys so why would you want to watch a woman be in such a hurry to become a man?

forgive me, my brain is not really working properly right now. probably because i'm not using my own PC and i have to follow this queue of people who want to use the office internet PCs. i do have a point. i just can't get to it right now.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

it's a good thing nobody gets sick with cholera these days. it's just bad when nobody likes to read that much anymore.

can't get itchyworms!' Beer off my head. not that it's a bad thing.

the book i recently acquired has a better cover than this one. actually.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

it's a good thing they're having a sale on my birthday month.

one of my biggest gripes is the fact that there are so many books out there that people don't have access to because they can't afford it. people can learn so many things about art, poetry, music, romance, technology, current events, EVERYTHING. they can't because they cannot afford it. i mean, so many books, so much time, so little money. so many people can be educated by giving them access to these wonderful books instead of bombarding them with crappy cheerleader music, more crappy revivals, badly dubbed foreign soap operas, fantasy soap operas (with lead stars who refuse to open their mouths fully - - can you say, "Derneh!!!" without opening your mouth wide enough after you swallow the rock?) and tabloids with written pornography masquerading as art. if kids today were allowed to read as much as they wished and could buy literature right from their own pockets, their imagination could build more than the things that they have now. they have so much potential. the books and the music that i got from saving my baon? you'll never believe how far i got. what more the kids now?

how i yearn to get my own Toni Morrison, my own Pablo Neruda, my complete collection of Harry Potter, etc. etc. ad infinitum. you can learn so many things, express yourself in so many ways, do so many things with the knowledge that you can acquire from reading. too many people are so busy texting and surfing the net.

i wish people could be encouraged to read and i wish people could afford to read and take in as much information as they possibly can. the world is so full of opportunities, so full of knowledge. we just have to find them.

now's a good time to listen to my audio tapes and read these books. my PC is broken. grrr . . .

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

let's sit and talk a while in the one world of Marlboro (because for some weird reason we do not have coffee)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

it's nice to talk to you again. it's nice to know that you did miss me. i don't know why i lost interest in you all of a sudden. is it because i know you like her or is it because i'm finding i like him better?

i still think you have substance, that you're more than just a pretty face, even when there is so much evidence to the contrary.

***

i miss you. i wonder if you miss me. i just think it's wonderful how we always seem to "find" each other smoking or on the verge of smoking. it's like, we'll always find each other, smoking. that's how i know i miss you. or that i'm special to you. we have this bond. or something.

***

it's all just started with you and i smoking. and then you and i talking about sex. that's it. it'll never get further than that.

***

i love smoking. i love coffee. i better get me a macchiatto.