Sunday, July 30, 2006

i have a boyfriend? no, really, i do?

yes, that’s with a question mark, not a period.

i’m not sure who’s playing who at this point. but let me just tell you that, for the record, if you’re serious, i would really consider having a relationship with you, sexual or otherwise meaningful. i certainly would not mind. although right now, i think you’re just being polite. really.

what the hell are you doing, anyway? are you trying to mess with my head? because sometimes, i'd like to think you're taking me seriously and then there are times when i know you're just being polite because you are, indeed, a gentleman. a horny hot gentleman.

then why did you call me, "honey"? why did you just mouth the words "i love you" to me?

what the fuck could that possibly mean? i mean, i may be going way ahead of myself here, but you do look sincere when you look at me that way. i definitely am not the type who would give meaning to something; i'll take things as they are and i wouldn't expect any more than what you show to me. but then again, i may be confusing sincerity with ignorance, err, innocence. you may not be getting what i'm saying that's why i think you get it. grrr . . .

i too am a big fan of spontaneity but what you want: NOT GONNA HAPPEN. i don't want to make my life more complicated than it is. i do not want to be involved with someone who is still very much hung up on someone else nor do i wish to be involved with someone who hangs up someone else, in a chain, i mean. not literally. whatever. because i'm not hung up on M or anybody anymore. not that it matters, especially if this is just sex we're gonna have but it will greatly hamper my, uh, "performance". i honestly think "this" could happen, you know, the "YOU&ME" thing, and it will be spontaneous, i tell you, whether it's just sex or something more meaningful than that. do not underestimate my powers. you might enjoy me, you know, whether as friend or partner.

it would be nice though, me and you. i really think so.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

who do i have to sleep with to get a beer around here?

i'm so sad that Tequila Sunrise is taking a sabbatical. i don't get to go out in the evening anymore and when i do, i get so disappointed. it's not as fun anymore, like when i used to watch gigs after my shift i.e. Tequila Sunrise.

look at it this way: the setting is much more intimate. you get to hang out with the bands before and after they perform. there aren't too many people so the waiters are able to take your order right away and you don't really have to wait long. oh, and you don't have to compete with sooo many swooning girls to get the vocalist/guitarist/bassist/drummer's attention. i mean, even if i flash EVERYTHING, i still wouldn't get noticed on an evening gig. chances are, so many other "chicks" who are more well-endowed or younger or thinner will get their attention better than you do. but in the morning gigs, you just have to show up, and they'll treat you like a queen. everybody knows each other and we're sooo close. like everybody's friends with everybody and you get to jam with them, even.

take for example, Orange and Lemons. you wouldn't hear Mcoy saying "pwede pala si bels, maki-jam ka minsan ha? gawan ka namin ng set sa Bulacan" (bels is okay. you jam with us one time, eh? we'll fix a set for you in Bulacan). then there's Havi, the organizer, welcoming you with open arms like you were long time pals. then there's Up dharma Down joking around with Toti Dalmacion being, uh, "mature", because i'm such a long time fan of Groove Nation. that scene priceless. for everything else, there's a Mastercard. (nya nya nya)

and you still get to discover some new talents and get to be friends with them before they get famous. seriously.

the morning gigs, which translate to afternoons, are much more fun. no kidding. you can really feel the music. i just wish more bands could come up with morning gigs so people like me who work their butt off getting yelled at by stupid white trash could have something to do after shift.
oh well.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

it's really not fair, is it?

yesterday, they awarded us beautiful people for doing good at our work. they commended us for being nice people even if majority of the people in the US of A are mean to us, call us names, shout at us and blame us for things we have no control over. what disappointed me was, some got awarded more than others, like money-awarded more than others. it's so frustrating because, i, who have been very nice to people and have been there for most people who need money and now am in dire need of money, do not have any money and i don't get awarded with money. not that i've turned into this money-loving slut. (according to Chris, after the age of 25, the word is no longer "slut" but "friendly") not that i'm being nice for the money. i'm nice, PERIOD. it's just that, these people who are mean, who lie, who are stupid, who betray their friends, they're the ones who get awarded more than once with gifts and monetary consideration.

it's like what i felt before, when i was such a whiney little wuss, maybe i should lie more often, maybe i should betray people, maybe i should be a horrible little bitch who cheats on people about relationships and money. that way, i'd get commended for it. it's not a good precedent.

a friend said that people who have it easy too often will lose it just as quick eventually. okay. now, my next question is: if i've been working hard for too long, when does it ever get better. good thing, i'm also patient. i whine a lot but i am patient. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.
***
why do you tell me all these things? is it because her IQ cannot comprehend or at least match up to yours that you have go to some other individual to understand you and the inner workings of your head? like i always say, "LEAVE HER, HONEY AND DO ME, ERR, PICK ME".

i saw some episodes before of Grey's Anatomy and Elena Pompeo's interview with Oprah. i do agree: YOU CAN TELL THE PERSON YOU LOVE AND HOW PAINFUL IT IS, BUT DON'T BEG. and of course, i am educated and i'm beautiful and i'm sweet and i'm important. i'll only run after you to some extent to make you feel educated, beautiful, sweet and important. after that, if you don't see it, IF YOU DON'T GET IT, it's not my loss.

it's always the anorexic people, or the girl with bigger breasts, or really flat noses, or chicken legs (but no substance) that get guys/girls like you. but what happens when you're done having sex or showing her off to your equally superficial friends?

i'm done running after you. that's it. i can tell that some part of you really really really really likes me, it's just that some things just have to come first. i mean i sincerely think you like me. whether it's just friendship or pretend, you have a way of showing me how special i am, just like he did. he trusts me, he listens to what i have to say, just like you do. you both just don't think i'm that special enough.

***
i miss you. and to think that we don't even talk. imagine how bad i'd miss you if we actually did. but you like to play with my head. and honestly, i'd rather run after them than you. because if you can drive me crazy this way, i don't even want to think about how you are with me. you've done one hell of a job playing with my head with us just walking passed each other. besides, that thing with M was too painful i'd rather go hetero for now.

***
you amuse me. you amuse me so much i want to kiss you. and you're such a big slut, aren't you boy? you got me at, "ang sarap mo magmasahe, bels, nakalimutan ko nga pangalan ko eh" (you massaged me so good, bels, i actually forgot my name"). don't worry, i have other talents that will make you forget your name. like my singing ability, for example. i could give those Rockstar: Supernova finalists a run for their money. or my remarkable poetry. or my articulate explanations of Philippine law to the common tao. and you don't have to illustrate your talent in stenography. i will, without hesitation, accept your invitation. just make sure the girls swooning over you don't make any violent reactions.

***
don't worry, you wonderful, beautiful people. life isn't fair. but we're self-sufficient unlike most people. we can wait until it becomes fair.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

you can't just trash a brilliant concept

listening to Hulog ng Langit by Felepinas
feeling elated

they’re getting better, i tell you, this band called Felepinas. and i say that not because i’m drunk or because i think their drummer is the hottest yet most down to earth man on the planet. i swear, those brown eyes have such a childlike innocence you cannot help but drown in them. well, anyway, this morning we watched the last Tequila Sunrise gig. according to its host/organizer, Havi, he and his brokeback assistant (no, they’re not lovers, both are very much straight), Charlie, will be taking a brief hiatus. it’s not easy organizing a gig/party while the rest of the world is still sleeping.

but then again, that’s what’s so brilliant about this concept. most bands schedule their shows at night for the majority of the population. but what about people like me, who work at night while the rest of the country is sleeping? there are so many bands out there, and only few have thought of doing gigs for call center people. i mean, we’re into bands, too and we’d also like to be able to party and drink and smoke while listening to our favorite bands.

so Felepinas once again opens the show. Kinky Hooters and the “paparapapa” band, Spring Boutique (because while i like the attempt at dream pop, i believe that there are sooo many words in the English language that can be put together to make a song other than, yes, you guessed it, “paparapapa” and “dodidodido”. cute bassist, though.), both backed out so it’s just my friends, Felepinas, and the Orange and Lemons. i learned from both Sven and my friend Ace (Bagetsafonik vox) that there were talks of Bagetsafonik playing today too but nothing materialized. tsk tsk tsk.

anyway, like i said, Felepinas are improving on their sound. they’re getting better, seriously. they just have to learn to incorporate some cover songs in their repertoire, Aldwyn still has to work on pronunciation, and if there are even better songs reserved for a “second album”, before they get that record deal, they should be able to filter out which songs to release first to draw the attention of the audience. but i can see an improvement and i'd like to think my being their friend had something to do with it. hiya na lang, di ba? i know that they don't want to let me down because i believe in them. i mean, i have been listening to music for so long. i drag people to come with me on the gigs of my favorite bands. if the kind of music i listen to is crap then what kind of person am i? i'd like to think that they're not just fucking with me and pretending to be my friend and they like to think that the music their making is not crap. so there. besides, I DON'T LISTEN TO CRAP. if the great band Orange and Lemons believe in this band, why shouldn't i? anyway, they asked me to sing with them again. honored, of course. their manager was there, so maybe i could get a record deal too.

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we were all excited about Orange and Lemons. like totally. the band was so hot, i was perspiring in an air-conditioned bar where there too little that number of people to have reason to perspire. i was trying to piss Anj off by writing notes in paper towels, “TORPE SI ANJ” and “MARRY ME, MCOY” because she has the biggest crush on Mcoy Fundales. they started off their set with Pure by the Lightning Seeds (chorus pa ng Love Vigilantes ang ginamit na pang-intro) and then followed it up with my favorite from the first album, Kailangan Kita. they also did Bringing Home the Ashes, Magkayakap sa Dilim, This Charming Man, Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now, can’t recall the other titles right now. they also did some songs from their yet to be released third album, like Ang Katulad Mong Walang Katulad and New Day. oh yeah, and the original stalker song, The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get. i can’t remember what their last song was but they had to stop because Mcoy had a cold. i even got to talk to him after the performance. the man is so down to earth.

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today was a good day, no, make that a great day. it was a wonderful day to see and hear your friends play the music they created (although i wished Bagetsafonik was there too) and be with the friends who are true to you. i just hope they wouldn’t stop producing these shows. they're even getting support from RockEd; this could waken up the minds of those other slow-witted people working in the call center industry so you can't lose. you watch the bands and you help save the ignorant society. what more can you ask for, right?

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Kal-El has finally returned

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i initially didn’t want to watch Superman Returns because i thought it was lame and because it reminded me of M. she was supposed to be the Superman in my life. but i couldn’t say no to Johanna and there wasn’t any Tequila Sunrise this week so i decided to go ahead and watch it. i also didn't like the idea of Kate Bosworth being cast as Lois Lane. i don't like her not because she's going out with Orlando Bloom but because i don't think she's good enough a replacement for Margot Kidder. but then, that's just me.

anyway, Superman Returns picks up five years later from where Superman 2 left off. i say that because from the point of view of one who’s seen all 4 movies with Christopher Reeve and read quite a number of comic books, i felt that Superman 3 and 4 were forced out of cinema. it’s like they were produced for the sake of being produced. now that i've watched Superman Returns, i don't think that Bryan Singer in any way, forced this out because he got tired of the X-Men. it's like he decided he needed to fill out details on what happened after Superman 2 i.e. how Jason came to be and how the crystal fortress was after General Zod and Co. left (again, not from the comic book but from the movie) and how Lex Luthor made life difficult for the Man of Steel.

casting an unknown like Brandon Routh to be Superman/Clark Kent was a great decision (although some of us know the real reason); he was perfect for the part. i would've picked an unknown to be cast as Lois Lane as well but it would've left Kevin Spacey to carry the movie by himself. the movie was great. i actually thought i would cry once the music played and Marlon Brando's voice was on but i was strong. i didn't notice two and a half hours passed me by.

i'm just glad Kal-El is back. i can't wait for what will happen next.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

some interesting people in the new batch of rockstar hopefuls

i was really excited to see the new batch of rockstar contestants. it made me think of what i missed just because i'm not thin enough and i didn't have any airline fare to go to the Asia auditions.

i was so disappointed when i saw the girl sang Bring Me to Life by Evanescence. i thought she was lousy. it made me feel bad that i wasn't a contestant because i knew i could do better, as in way better.

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but then, there's lukas. he looks weird, which of course, is a common characteristic of every rockstar. but he's weird special. the man can carry himself on stage and hold his own. weird is good. i am looking forward to seeing what this man can do, in the face of Tommy Lee, Gilby Clarke and Jason Newsted.

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then there's josh. i was so delighted that he did The Black Crowes' She Talks to Angels. this man is sooo hot and soulful i don't want to see him become Supernova's vocalist. i don't think he matches the fold. the three existing members of Supernova are all hard rockers and he, just made my panty fall off. i'm only interested in seeing him again because i want to see him develop and be big enough to be discovered for something else, something greater than Supernova.

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i like jenny because, well, she's cute and she can sing and play guitar. i just didn't like her version of nickelback's how you remind me; it reminded me that constantine maroulis got kicked out of AI4 for singing it. jenny's actually plain compared to some of the other girls on Rockstar: Supernova but i think she'll last for another two weeks. i think.

the other women and men on season 2 for the world rocker search are of course interesting in their own right. i just have to pay more close attention the next time. they're still too many of them to tell who's it gonna be. so we wait in anticipation.

Friday, July 07, 2006

because trust is not just a condom

i feel very flattered that you trust me over everyone else.

thank you.

now i don't know if i should feel good about it because you do believe me over everyone else or if i should feel bad because it only means that we will never go beyond that no matter how i try.

***

i thought you were my friends. really. you could've given me the benefit of the doubt that i would understand that you'd rather spend the fourth of july amongst yourselves and not with me. you could've at least told me, out of respect. but then i guess, you don't respect me then. to think i tolerated you, covered all of your asses more than a couple of times. didn't that mean anything? or the fact that you could count on me and have counted on me more than once never crossed your mind. i trusted you, all of you. you could trust me, all a hundred plus pounds of me. but it's like that never mattered to you, any of you.

a lot of people trust me with their problems because for some weird reason they think i am worth their trust and i'd like to think i deliver because i have all your asses covered. you had no problems trusting me. everywhere i go, people have something on their mind they'd like to share and i listen. that's what i do. was it so hard to tell me? did i break any bond of trust that made you guys stay away? or was it because you couldn't face me, the stench emanating from your butts was too great and you figured i couldn't cover your ass anymore?

i hope you guys are happy because you're ruining someone's life, one way or the other. i don't want to be part of that. like i said, i'd rather be unhappy and alone if it meant i could stay true to myself. it's why i'm such a pathetic little twit, because i'd rather stay pathetic than hurt someone.

you guys blew it, big time. i don't think i could trust you again. my trust on you was even bigger than the condom Sven likes to blow up in Tequila Sunrise events. but you popped it.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

i am in love with this song currently enjoying regular airplay over NU107 by Death Cab for Cutie. it kinda reminds me of The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve because it speaks of true love that will transcend even death.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be a close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me 'Son fear is the heart of love'
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes... Are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

someday, someone will sing that for me. someday.

come on. they're just huddles, with beer

did i say she was nice? i take it back.

how can someone who has never been with us in any of our “huddles” or has been harassed by me, whether in jest or for real, say something derogatory like that against me or any of my friends? of course she’s referring to me, who else could it be?

i have not harassed anyone in my entire life. i don’t even bug the people who owe me money for payment. i have not harassed anyone sexually and if i remember right, in my last call center, i was asked to write a complaint against someone for having sexually harassed someone else. get that? i was asked to write the complaint, and it couldn’t be against me, of course, hello? so for someone to say that people shouldn’t join our gatherings for fear of being harassed is a harsh comment. it is a great disservice to the people i associate myself with because, they themselves, do not harass anyone and more often than not, are the victims of harassment. in fact, i am offended by people who joke about being afraid of me, that they maybe harassed because, if i were to harass anyone, i would make sure that that person is worth it. ask jake. i only waste time “harassing” worthy people.

oh, and having a personal crisis is not an excuse to badmouth people who wish to have a good time and invite others to come along. when i say “good time”, i mean, videoke, playing cards, discussing life matters over beer, chicken and pasta. because it is not our fault that we are having fun and she is having a crisis. it is not our fault, and it is not our obligation to explain ourselves because we do carry ourselves accordingly.

“You are not responsible for the happiness of kibitzers. “ – Jessica Zafra

and for those easily persuaded by waifs, SORRY, NAG-ENJOY KAMI. MASAYA SIYA, WALANG NABASTOS O NALUNGKOT. (sorry, we enjoyed ourselves. it was fun, nobody was harassed or felt sad) you blew your opportunity to get to know better six interesting people who could’ve been there for you in your time of need because you were sooo full of yourselves and thought for one millisecond that you would be sexually harassed.

Monday, July 03, 2006

bagetsafriendly

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i have been friends with ace cada ever since high school. even then i knew he was meant for big things. he was attractive (save for the big mole on his eyebrow that people often mistake for a fly. the chicks dig the mole.), he was artistic, poetic, and for someone who didn't look like he liked sports, he was fit. the man had fabulous abs (ewan ko lang ngayon hehehe - i just don't know now hehehe), but more importantly, the man had a great voice. he was born to be a rock star. if i like rock music now, it's because ace was a major influence in my life. he made me want to learn about the music more, much more than what i know now.

it is not a big surprise that ace went on to form a band called Bagetsafonik. i've only seen them a couple of times since most of their gigs are at night and the last time i checked i'm still a call center agent. but man, and i am not saying this because he's been my friend and all, they're great. they would remind me of a foreign band that's so obscure and magnificent i can't remember right now; they're so good i can't even put it into words. his songwriting has always been impeccable, he'd make shitting sound like masterpiece. each and every one of the other members of their band are marvelous as well that, like i said, i can't put it into words. i've met them a couple of times but i can't remember their names right now. bummer.

they were supposed to release their album early this year but an unfortunate incident hampered the production. none other than wolfmann was assisting them in producing the album, but as you know, wolfmann has left us to make even greater music in heaven.

ace and company are almost done recording and i bet it will be a blast. my little brother (by only a few months) is finally going to be the rock star he was destined to be.

Bagetsafonik are featured in the June-July issue of BURN magazine, which also includes a cd of their single Halogen. ace sounds so hot in that single.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

broke but happy, short but healthy, tired but working, sick but I'M PRETTY, baby!!!

listening to: Love in the Land of Rubber Shoes and Dirty Ice Cream
feeling: sick still but better

i’m sick. guess my body is slowly giving up on me; i have been abusing it lately so i am not surprised. apparently sickness or fatigue or stress is not a barrier as i dragged my weary butt to far, far away Alabang for Tequila Sunrise (my, my, i am getting addicted to this), featuring my friends, the band Felepinas, the Kinky Hooters and of course, my favorite band, Orange and Lemons.

i wanted to go because i didn’t get to see the last gig at the Bellevue Hotel which featured Up dharma Down. and i wanted to see Sven. it felt good to see him because i was hoping seeing him would liven up my really dead disposition. i’m not saying he’d heal me; i’m saying he’d cheer me up. i was so depressed. still am.

C is leaving and i am having mixed emotions. i’m happy because i wouldn’t have to see her, wouldn’t have to be distracted by her, wouldn’t have to deal with issues of not being friendly enough to her. i’m sad because i won’t see her again. she was nice to look at. and i'd always wonder what could've been, if i'd only tried to make friends with her. now i'll never know.

then there’s Law Student making a move on this girl, who’s really really nice that i can’t possibly hate her. i mean, i can’t blame Law Student: she’s cute, i’m cute but she’s thin and i’m fat; she’s young, i’m old, she’s nice and i’m a bitch. so I really needed to see Sven. and the music of Orange and Lemons has never failed in cheering me up.

so there we were, at the Bellevue where we saw Mcoy, or as my friend fondly calls him, Orange (she calls Clem Lemon and the brothers Del Mundo the “and”). this man is really nice; all of them are nice actually. success has not changed them. they’re just more tired now because of the number of gigs they have to play at.

so the Kinky Hooters played first and they’re actually good. their music is bordering on funky, with the pop-ish feel. i don’t know. i’m not a music critic; i’m just good at whining and bitching and dissing because they’re terrible. don’t ask me to rate or classify the genre. i leave that to the experts i.e. Erwin Romulo, Quark Henares, Igan D’Bayan.

then there are my friends, Felepinas. they actually greeted me the other day when they were over at NU107. they let me sing their single, Let Me Go with them, in place of Sven’s sister. of course, i sound terrible. but i think i was able to give the song justice. i’m actually getting the hang of their music. still, my only gripe, aside from Aldwyn’s enunciation, pronunciation, etc., is the fact that i think you cannot sing songs about poverty and being dumped if you don’t look the part.

when i got back to my chair, Mcoy said, “Pwede!” about my voice. they’re really nice people; so down to earth. and a comment like that, so sincere, coming from him, was really something. it meant a lot. they performed songs from their upcoming album. they even dedicated Heaven Knows (This Angel Has Flown) for me, when it was actually my friend's request. they also did covers from the 80s, which they do very well. it reminded me of those days we were still watching them at Mario’s bar Gweilo’s at C. Palanca St. in Makati. they said that we were all invited to the launching of their third album and that they’d text us so we’d know about it. and Mcoy told me that if i wanted to go to their gig in Bulacan, they’d prepare a set especially for me.

so we hang out with Felepinas a bit and Sven asks me what would be good medicine for me and i go, “kiss-pirin” and “yakap-sul”. then he gets me water and tells me that my whenever i feel that my lips are drying, to drink water so i wouldn’t be dehydrated. (i’m falling in love with this man!) up to now, when he has load, he will remind me to rest and drink water so i’ll recover faster. i asked them i did okay with them (when i jammed with them) and they said that i had talent and that maybe we could do again sometime. i took Sven’s hand and i was asking him if i was hot (with fever, of course). they were all laughing at the joke so i never got to figure out if he thought i was.

when we left (because Sven and the others wouldn’t feed us and all of us were getting cranky, while my other friend already had sleep), Havi kinda hinted that he wanted to hear me sing again on the next gig. hmmn . . .

i need to get well then. got to fix this damn cough and cold. we don't want to disappoint.