Tuesday, February 28, 2006

C is for Connor; C is also for cut-it-out

i woke up yesterday with a sore throat and this really irritating wringing in my ear. i didn't have a fever anymore which meant i could still go to work, only that i shouldn't smoke or talk. but then, here in my world, you'd have to be really nauseous or pale before my father would consider making me stay home to rest. as if that wasn't bad, i missed the third to the last episode of Angel-Season 4, which i hate. few things you like to happen or look forward to, you don't want to miss, definitely.

then there's C. i don't like her but other people have this notion that i do, including C. and she just happens to be everywhere. i hate that. it's like, you want to see this other person (K) so much but you're stuck with this (C) instead. not that she's bad looking or anything. it's like she just "unconsciously shoves herself" at your face and you have no choice but be enticed. although i am intrigued by the black brassiere. ask my subconscious.

don't be so full of yourself, sweetie. you're not as hot as people hype you to be.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

because Americans are all critics now

the final 24 has been cut to just 20 after eliminating Stevie Scott, Bobby Bennette, Becky O'Donohue and Patrick Hall. America isn't ready for Stevie's ethereal appeal (that whole falsetto and all, although she could've just gone natural with her voice. she looked like she could nail it but hesitated) and Bobby (is this the US making up for Scott Savol last year?) personally, i don't think these two had to go yet.

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Patrick is awesome, but we must admit, the Melissa Etheridge song didn't do him good vocally. i thought Becky's version of Because the Night was better than Jessica's (from Rockstar: INXS) version but sexy photos of her and her twin released before the show could've affected America's judgment. anyway, i so adore these two young divas, they will make it big, with or without Idol. so young yet so powerful.

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it's also about charm. Chris has this really cool voice which is different from the voice quality of last year's finalists Bo Bice and Constantine Maroulis. maybe i'm just glad there's a rocker in the final 24. and need i say more about Ace Young? i think his eyes say it all. take out his nerves and his voice is definitely Pop Idol material. like Will Young with a shorter chin, great eyes, the five o'clock shadow and the sex factor, err, X factor.

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but when you got it, you got it. just like Katharine. and Elliot. it's an unlikely face-off and too soon to tell in this period of the competition. but i could be right, you know.

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and we have a Filipino who probably doesn't know he is. but the man is great and i would prefer him than Carol Banawa in the top 12. really.

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so who will it be, America?

Monday, February 20, 2006

can you love the sandwich without the marc?

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when the band Sandwich first came out, the main concern, i thought, was gig schedules. Diego and Myrene were members of the Aga Muhlach Experience, Mike was Teeth drummer, and Raimund had the Eraserheads (hello, one of the biggest bands in the RP) so it could've been a problem. Marc Abaya at the time was just on the verge of graduating from college(i think he was in his sophomore year when he first got in)so there couldn't be a problem there. i thought another issue was the fact that most of the fans were there because Marc was cute. the guy still is, but i loved their music more than anything so i wanted other people to appreciate the music, whether or not Marc was there. come to think of it, it is a great disservice to the band if you just say that the only reason people watched their gigs was because of Marc.

fast forward to 2005: i haven't had the time to actually watch any gigs or listen to the radio because i had been busy with work and i had to take that exam again so i never really noticed that Marc wasn't in any of the videos anymore or that Raimund was doing the vocals now. i didn't care. i just loved the music. and then you get the news: Marc's no longer with them because he's been missing gigs, too busy with being MTV VJ and Kwjan vocalist and all. but it's no biggie. it's not like Marc was the only reason you like the band, right? it's just takes getting used to, though.

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then i heard the new Sandwich single, Sugod, from their new album Five on the Floor. man, the song kicks major ass. the song was inspired by the popular 70’s pinoy rock band Juan dela Cruz song Kahit Ano'ng Mangyari. the band promises to be bigger than ever. not to mention, they have ChicoSci guitarist Mong Alcaraz on the board. how cool is that?

i think we'll miss the sex factor now that Marc is gone. i mean, i don't expect any of the Sandwich members to take their shirts off while performing but that's it. there would be something totally different but then you'd get over it because the music draws you.

so, can you love the Sandwich without the Marc? the answer is, of course, YES!

the only reason i want it to be monday today

i hate mondays. mondays mean i have to go to work again. i have absolutely nothing to look forward to. at least, in my former workplace, i had this guy i was pining over and there was this lesbian i'd check out whenever i had coffee. but here, now, in my current workplace, i am not attracted to anyone that may encourage me to come to work. i mean, i love my friends, definitely. i enjoy their company. but i don't think they're enough to compensate for the lack of drive i'm getting especially when you're always talking to irate callers.

the good thing though is, and you can imagine how pathetic this is, that they're showing reruns of the series Angel. they are currently showing season 4, which is my favorite, not only because Connor (played by Vincent Kartheiser) has the most luscious red lips you have ever seen, but because it shows some tie-ups with that other show (also my favorite) that slays vampires. you see Alexis Denisof's real life partner Alyson Hannigan guesting to restore Angel's soul and you have Eliza Dushku kicking the crap out of junior. and towards the end of the season, you see Angel holding this really important envelope that contains the amulet worn by Spike on that season Buffy and the gang battle the First Evil. you know, the cookie dough analogy where Angel gets the brush off for Mr. Peroxide (his term of endearment for Spike).

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as the season progresses, i get to see how people in the US wanted so much to save this show, but unfortunately couldn't. it was a great show and even now, when i see David Boreanaz on another show, i still call him Angel.

the show is so exciting. i have nothing else to look forward to. haven't seen new movies, gigs, haven't finished reading any new books and haven't found anyone interesting at work of either sex to make me actually look forward to monday. at least, you know that there's always a fictional character, a Champion (not the cigarette) who will save the day.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

ZsaZsa Zaturnah: will somebody please tell me why there isn’t a lesbian heroine off the shelves?

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boi bitch had been bugging me to get this the first time it came out but i didn't get to buying it until today. they're even showing a play with Eula Valdez playing the title role. bongga di ba? i am very pleased with my purchase. i was so fascinated with it i couldn't put it down, i almost missed my stop at the MRT. no kidding. it is not only funny but it engages you that even if the other wisecracks are gamit na kasi bumenta na you just can't help but laugh. promise. =)

the comic book is so creative and it is so Filipino. i don't know. i'm at a loss for words. i have always said that i'm not actually good with reviews. but the books is worth checking out.

i think i've mentioned it here a couple of times that it is so hard to find Filipino literature by lesbians off the stores. libay even commented before that there are sooo many lesbian Filipino writers out there, they just haven't come out yet so you can't really expect them to come up with a book. i want to come up with one. maybe i just haven't gotten to terms with my life to actually write my story in literary form. maybe i will. but it would be really nice if we came up with one. i wouldn't like it if it were a lesbian who swallows a stone and becomes a man. gasgas na 'yun. i want it to be innovative and engaging the way i found ZsaZsa enticing that even straight people would want to read it and find it interesting. o wonder when that would be. i wish it could be sooner than i could say "ZATURNNAH!!!"

Monday, February 13, 2006

Guess who I am talking to

First of all, when you start your sentence with the word “guess”, should you end with a period or a question mark?

After that last moment with you, I became so disillusioned that I decided it was time to forget you. Really. After all those months of pining over you, I suddenly realized it was time to move on. You could never love me back. Somehow I’m glad you never did.

I will totally support what you want to do for your life. It’s not easy to go through what you want to do. I just need to warn you that your decision has loads of negative consequences. Trust me, been there, done that, been that.

You’re nice except there’s something about your personality that sets off a lot of people. You like to push our buttons by making yourself superior above all of us, like you know everything. You don’t and even if you do, there is a nicer, more subtle way of proving your worth without being mean and degrading to other people.

I know that you will never talk to me again. Or maybe you will, except that it will never be like it used to be, between you and me. I don’t say this because I’m falling for you again. I say it because everything between you and me became so comfortable, so wonderful, the way I want my friendships with the opposite sex should be. Now it’s ruined and it’s all my fault. Maybe it’s better this way, like I’m doing you and me a favor. What if you were falling for me?

You’ve managed to play with my subconscious again. You always do. I hate the fact that I don’t really like you except that maybe you could be a great friend or drinking buddy. So you do have taste in women. I just don’t like the way you choose your friends.

What can I say? You can’t help it, you missed me! I could’ve sworn you really did. I am so attracted to you but I know I can’t have you. I know that when I look at you, I want to hug you and kiss you and make you all mine. But there are just so many things I can’t help and I’d just want for you to be my friend.

Maybe he was referring to you when he said that his wish for me would be that I’d have my own (name withheld for my protection) this year. I wish it was you. I really do. I’d make sure that when I meet you I’d make quite an impact you’ll be dreaming of me even if I was halfway around the world.

That goes for you too. I hope that I’ve penetrated your subconscious somehow. I don’t know how or when or where but you and I will meet and you’ll never forget me.

Remember that Ally McBeal episode where she hallucinates about this little boy, about age 11 or 12 and he talks about how she’s killing him and how he’s slowly dying because of her? That was Ally’s belief in love. I’m having the same hallucinations and with mine, you helped me choked him to death. You have absolutely killed all my belief in love. I will never be happy again because you buried that boy alive. He haunts me awake or asleep because I never gave him a chance to grow anymore. And it’s all your fault.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

when what should've been fun became tragic

i was on my way home. got a ride on an fx and was listening to the am radio that the driver was tuned into. i kept on hearing the words “we are very sorry”, “we really did not expect this to happen”, and “we are doing everything we can to show our gratitude as well as our grief to the people”. i could also hear the words “wow” in between apologies. this couldn’t be another one of them strikes to ask GMA to step down. they got rowdy but there are hardly any casualties. can’t be a coup de etat, or a mutiny. couldn’t be a bomb from the US. we’re too little a country to them to actually be worth bombing.

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and then finally it occurred to me. the deaths resulted from a stampede during what could’ve been a really fun celebration bringing hope to a great number of Filipinos: the first anniversary of Wowowee.

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Wowowee is a noontime show aired from Monday to Saturday on ABS-CBN Channel 2. it’s the network’s latest answer to GMA7’s Eat Bulaga. they were celebrating their anniversary and promised to give away a million pesos worth of prizes, hence, a great number of people, especially those from the provinces, flocked the ULTRA as early as the night before to get tickets. the moment they opened the gates, the people rushed to get in, leaving 70+ people dead and another 300 injured. while the network is vowing to do whatever they can to aide the people who survived the stampede, still the grief cannot be abated.

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things like this make me sad because it shows how poor my country is. they’d go out of their way to be somewhere and try their luck on winning easy money. how they are still hopeful amazes me, yet, it depresses me that so many people are suffering from poverty and their only means of being optimistic is a noontime show that gives away prizes. they stick it out among others who brave the heat, the rains, the suffocation (i’d like to think i’m strong but you can’t put me on a throng of people and expect me to be able to breathe there), just to be able to get a chance at the pot. you get an idea how difficult it is to earn money that’s why they’d rather be there and hope they win. not everybody wins and in this episode, we all lose.

Friday, February 03, 2006

K, C and my subconscious

K and i were supposed to have lunch today but according to her gf, she had to be somewhere and lunch went bust. something came up. i can’t deny my disappointment. i didn’t call it a date, she did. i was expecting she’d honor it or at least, inform me beforehand instead of me finding out from her girlfriend, which is more embarrassing. besides, you know how girlfriends are. it’s not like i was going to steal K away. it was supposed to be this whole bonding experience. wala lang. it would’ve been a welcome change since i’m so bummed up at work with all its shit and all. i was tired anyway so i just went home and slept and made sure i woke up in time for Angel.

i was really looking forward to that meeting because i had been wanting to talk to someone other than the people i always talk to. it would've been nice.


***
my subconscious is trying to tell me something, indirectly. i don’t like it when it does that. you see, there’s this lesbian at work. i don’t like her, really. in fact, i think she’s threatened by my presence, or at least i think she is. she's threatened because i happen to be friendly and i'm cute and i walk like this really hot lesbian. my friend likes her, though. i don’t. really. but i have had dreams of her. just like when i was in the sleeping quarters this morning. and you know i barely get any sleep in there, much more dream in there. but i got to dream and she was in it. C was in it. weird, huh? of course you know that there is no conscious effort on my part to dream about her. no one does. i’ve been wanting to try dreaming in my sleep about Lee Pace marrying me or being in one of those The L Word episodes as one of Shane’s flings but it never happens. so does this mean that my subconscious has a crush on her, because i’m pretty sure i don’t. she’s arrogant and rude and unfeeling just like her ugly girlfriend (the bitch who had the galls to ask me for cigs when she looks at me condescendingly from head to foot) and not to mention, delinquent. i think she's nice, she could be. i just don't see it. strangely enough, my subconscious does. don't you just hate being the last to know?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

martin nievera on the MRT?

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i think it was last Monday or the week before this when they started having 4 or 5 TV screens in all the MRT stations. i thought it was cool and entertaining at first, while you’re waiting for the train, you get to watch music videos. then i noticed something peculiar about the videos: they were all videos of martin nievera.

i’m not sure if this is a brainwashing scheme, some diabolical plot to resuscitate the man’s already dying career. it's just like this senator who came out with a movie called Exodus for the manila film festival last Christmas coming up against Enteng Kabisote and Mulawin the movie. i mean, don't get me wrong, the man is good. but you have to know when to let go, man. your career is over. you see videos of the man singing his songs and then you see videos of the man singing his version of the song he gave to regine velasquez. when he found out that people liked it, he just had to sing his own version. di ba? it's like ogie alcasid cashing in on Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw. you gave it to regine. tama na, okay?

i just wish they could play videos of the bands that we have. or if they have to play martin nievera's videos, then they should play videos of everybody we have in the music scene right now. now, that's entertaining. seeing martin nievera gives me gas.