Monday, December 26, 2005

Angry Girl Journal Entry 12.20.2005

Currently listening to: the L word OST (which I got for the really low price of only P150 at Tower Records, SM North Edsa)

Current mood: pissed


The first time I went to the production floor I was really disillusioned. The people here are not nice. They don’t smile; they don’t even bother to try to pretend to be nice so you could at least ask them a question. They don’t have to be nice for real, but common decency dictates that you pretend to be. Back where I used to work, the people were very accommodating. They never made you feel stupid for asking a question, and busy or not, they will attend to you. They were pretty helpful to me so when I became a tenured rep, I did the same for the others. Mommy Bels nga eh.

Also, it didn’t take me 20 minutes to get to a supervisor. Mind you, I had to transfer calls to a department that may or may not be on the same floor. The supervisors I had to transfer calls to come from British Columbia, India or the R.P., or the U.S. But they didn’t take long. Here, the supervisors for a sup call or a query are just 2-5 paces away but they’re either on lunch, already logged out or busy, or not your coach so you can’t ask them. The floor coaches/mentors/lead reps or whatever you call them, are just as difficult to approach. I can only name a few people who are very helpful not just to me but the other people from my batch. Most of the time, it’s a shitty day.

I got really pissed off with this rep. She didn’t teach me much, she wasn’t accommodating and she made me feel like it was a burden that my trainer made me buddy up with her to listen to a call. She even asked me for a cigarette this one time. But when I asked her if she knew this guy because I couldn’t find a station to log in to, she pretended not to hear me. Galing di ba? Then there’s this other rep who would only talk to the pretty newbies. He wouldn’t talk to me or answer my questions because I wasn’t pretty. I don’t have any other explanation since when my friend and I asked questions we were just standing next to each other and you could feel that he only saw her. Some of them talk to you in a condescending manner but then they’re no wiser than I am.

The people that I used to work with busy or not, lunch break or not, gave me the time of day when I had to ask something. So when it was time for other people to ask me questions, helping them was easy. And it didn’t matter whether this was your coach or not, any mentor/tenured rep would be able to assist you. Any person can help you.

I know it’s a great disservice to my current company that I say this because in all fairness, there are some nice people on the floor. I know I shouldn’t compare how the people from the previous company treat me to how these people treat me. This new company pays better, but how come nobody ever smiles? Aren’t they happy? What, they’re not happy so they want everybody else to be miserable?!

***
This has nothing to do with my old or new company: what the hell is the purpose of getting me to be the godmother of your child when you don’t even invite me when the kid celebrates his birthday? Oh yeah, and I live right next to you? Then you whine that I don’t give the kid anything for Christmas. It’s not the kid’s fault that you’re rude, stupid, shallow and unethical. It’s not like he had a chance to choose who his parents would be. I know I’m not the best person there is, but I could be a really cool godmother (I was a cool friend, you know that. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gotten me in the first place) and you’re depriving your son of that privilege because you just happen to be an idiot.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

happy holla

better late than never, right?

to all my friends, enemies, bloggers, readers, lurkers, lovers, stalkers, etc. :

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Or as Ellen Degeneres would say, Happy Holla-day!

don’t miss out on what the season is really for.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

i couldn't help but stare

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you remember this fixation i used to have with this guy who looked like Ethan Hawke and Patrick Garcia, hence, we named him Ethan Garcia? i can't find him anymore. he was probably assigned to guard something else.

i don't know if any of you were aware that before Benicio del Toro got into movies like 21 grams, Traffic, etc., he was a villain in this James Bond movie starring Timothy Dalton entitled License to Kill. he was so hot, for a lunatic goon of a drug lord.

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anyway, last wednesday, i got to share a ride on the MRT with this guy who looked like Dario, Benicio del Toro's character on the said Bond movie. he was a gentleman, giving an old lady a seat, which you rarely see nowadays. lately, what you will see is a lady giving up her seat for an older lady (that's right, girls! let's shove it in their faces that these guys are a bunch of wussies!!) or someone pregnant. there is no chivalry anymore. anyway, i digress.

the guy was moreno, and tall and thin and Dario-like that i couldn't help but stare. since avoiding his gaze was futile (the man sat in front of me!), i pretended to take a nap. when i went down at this station, i could see him looking at me. galing di ba? he probably thought i was a stalker. or something. and then i never saw him again.

anyway, Dario, or whatever your name is: i hope there are more guys in the MRT/LRT like you, who will let a lady sit. there is hope for the heterosexual male! may your tribe increase!

more misses

i was so busy with work that i didn't get to read my emails. I MISSED THE PRIDE MARCH! AAARGHHH!!!!

oh, well. anyway, i'm not yet as physically fit as i want to be to attend the pride march. it would've been fun because i've seen them march a couple of times on tv and i keep on thinking what my entrance would be when i march. i still have it in my head and i will do it soon. do bring lots of candy, you wouldn't want to puke at my get-up.

oh, yeah, the SEA games were held in my country too but i managed to fail to notice. i hear we won a great number of golds this year. this may be too late but CONGRATULATIONS TO THE FILIPINOS!!! we are sooo proud of you!

everytime i meet with my friends from my old office, i tend to visit Starbucks because i have this crush on kakai (barista/manager) but the only time i get to be there is a Saturday, which is her day off. bummer. she's so cute, i miss her. even if there wasn't much to miss considering that we only got to talk a couple of times. she's cute and nice and friendly and she looks good in black.

i miss elena too. she hasn't written me or texted and i have no idea if she's still in the country or if she went back to her hometown in the US. it's not like we had a relationship or anything, she was just great to talk to and i could be myself around her.

they say that you miss out on a lot of things aside from sleep when you work in a call center. i wouldn't say that. i studied law and i still missed out on a lot. maybe it depends. whatever.

i told you i was a bisexual

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

you are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.

Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

what's a eunuch again?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Hits And Misses

misses
the 12th NU 107 Rock Awards. all those great bands, my friend Erwin Romulo as one of the judges, with MiG Ayesa as guest performer and everything;

the Human Rights Concert at the Podium. my co-workers from my old office and i were there in the area but we were all so worn out from work we just went home;

my new office’s Christmas party. would’ve been nice. there was this American from another account who was practicing a dance with my account bosses just right behind me. he was tall and thin and had a pointed nose and according to my sources, really bad teeth. but he looked like Ethan Hawke. with bad teeth.

and
it was boi bitch’s birthday last Wednesday. i miss boi bitch. we don’t get to hang out anymore. it was also link’s birthday. he and i don’t get to smile anymore.

Mico, my kumare, had her birthday last Thursday. she’s in Italy. i miss her.

it was Ralph’s birthday last Tuesday. no, i didn’t try to go there and bring him cake. i wanted to, though. i restrained myself. i found out later that he wore pink to work. pink long sleeves, pink neck tie, sneakers.

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hits
saw Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, and i absolutely thought Robert Pattinson, the guy who played Cedric Diggory, is hot. i also came to this theory that maybe Ron Weasley, Rupert Grint’s character, is bisexual. but then, that’s just me. of course, it is a love triangle with Harry, and Ron over Hermione. the movie was great and maybe if it wasn’t 147 minutes long, i would’ve watched it again. it made me want to get the books;

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got to spend time with my new co-workers for World AIDS Day. we were all near the Rockwell area but nobody knew about the free concert so again, i missed MiG Ayesa and other great bands as well. but being with my new co-workers was a great experience. i now have an oblong within my oblong of friends (yes, you read that right: oblong)

got home just in time to see the last episode of the last season of Angel. Angel and Connor had coffee, had an “I-know-you’re-my-father moment” and kicked ass. the Fred and Wesley scene was a tearjerker. i can no longer remember Spike’s name before he became a vampire but his poetry rocked.

saw Ralph. he smiled at me before he left. my IQ shot at negative 100 something off the scale.

yeah, yeah, i know. i shouldn’t be pining for someone who will never love me back. but that’s better than falling for someone who’s married. if Ralph digged me, it might’ve been over in two minutes, but at least, nobody would mind, because he’s single. no home to wreck. that’s great, right? it sucks, yes, to be ignored, but i’ll take that any day. i saw him(Ralph) and that was it. my day was complete. scratch your heads all you want. i love Ralph. unless you guys can hook me up with Lee Pace.

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Saturday, November 26, 2005

why local tv gets to be boring

"read less, more tv,"
-Dr. Gregory House to Dr. Allison Cameron

if Dr. House were living in the R.P. i don't think he'd say that. have you watched tv lately, and i mean just the local channels? boring, right? i am so sick of the latin, korean, taiwanese, indian telenovelas. and no, i don't like Pinoy Big Brother.

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for someone who's supposed to be a reality show junkie, i never got into all the Pinoy Big Brother hype. maybe because i never saw the original version, or maybe because despite the term "reality", none of them contestants seem real to me. it's like the network auditioned people so they could lock them in a house so that ordinary people could watch them. then afterwards, when the people are so into these contestants, the network votes them off the house so they can make more money out of them.

"everybody wants to be a talk show host,"
-Jessica Zafra, Chicken Pox for the Soul

"everybody wants to be a reality show star"
- moi

i used to watch the reality shows that were shown on the network proximate to our house. they were brilliant although they weren't really that publicized and a bit underdeveloped. they were innovative. they didn't make stars out of the people who participated in the shows and truthfully enough, only a few of them wanted to capitalize on their 15 minutes of the limelight. just like the reality shows from the west, the stars got to lead normal lives and nobody makes that of a big deal anymore after the show is over.

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i also wish that they would cut the telenovelas, whether foreign or fantasy. they've packed in so many telenovelas you have to watch the informative shows on the wee hours of the morning. it's nice to veer away from reality for a while but when you stuff in too many shows on primetime that do nothing but teach the viewers to fantasize, you don't really give the viewer enough respect to further educate him. i want my news on a better time slot, whether i'm working on the day or night and a little documentary on primetime don't hurt anybody. they're making too many star search/reality shows that make celebrities out of people that they have to produce fantasy shows to give them opportunities to shine. local tv gets to be not just boring but crowded. too many stars and starlets.

***

i heard PGMA say that we should take a look at it from the macroeconomic point of view to at least appreciate that this country is getting some progress done. the common tao does not get macroeconomics. he's too busy figuring out where he's gonna get his next meal. i bet we understood a lot of former President Estrada's speeches mainly because a) he did a lot of grandstanding; b) we were waiting for him to say something stupid so we can joke about it.

last week i also heard that Sen. Jinggoy Estrada got upset with some woman from the Education Department (i couldn't really get who it was specifically, i was too sleepy and the news was shown quite late. see what happens when you put the news and information sooo late in the evening?!) for encouraging students not to vote for celebrities who only use their popularity to win. he in turn stated that neither should we vote for traditional politicians who only make money for themselves and not the people.

with all due respect to the good senator, sure, there are certain celebrities who know something about helping people but i don't think it's enough that you want to help others. i spent six years in law school and there are times when i feel that what i've learned is not enough to help this country. what more an artista who got used to people pampering him/her and telling him/her how wonderful s/he looks, who lives out on people's adulation? unless they get a crash course in public service and appropriate laws (believe me, there are tons of laws as far as governing this country alone is concerned), i don't think so.

hey, wait a minute. isn't Erap a celebrity who had a genuine concern for the welfare of the people, but made millions of money just for himself anyway?

Saturday, November 19, 2005

The Debut: futile attempt at making a good film review

Starring: Dante Basco, Eddie Garcia, Tirso Cruz III, and my look-alike (according to the HR people of my former office), Gina Alajar

currently listening to: Ivy's I've Got A Feeling

The film is about Ben (Dante Basco, the guy who played Rufio in the movie Hook), a guy who grew up in the U.S. with his family and naturally, his parents want to bring him up the Filipino way. You know, you have to be a doctor when you’re afraid of blood or you have to be a lawyer even if you can’t even construct a paragraph; you have to say “po” and “opo”; you have to help out in household chores; you have to be respectful to your elders; and, even if you’re in another country, you have to at least try learning the native dialect: Tagalog.

Ben doesn’t want to be a doctor; he wants to be a cartoon artist. I’m not really sure what the actual term is, except that you go to an expensive art school just like every other artist who wants to hone his craft. He always gets into arguments with his Dad (Tirso Cruz III), not just because of the whole this-course-you-want-to-take-is-just-a-stupid-hobby but because he really doesn’t help out in making preparations for his elder sister’s 18th birthday. And you know how big a deal that is to Filipinos. He’d rather be with his white friends. Things become complicated when they get a visit from Grandpa from the R.P. (Eddie Garcia) who makes a fuss about how they don’t learn any manners from their parents or how to speak the language. He has a dilemma on whether to show up at this other party or to stay, help out and enjoy his sister’s debut. He learns a lot about himself and his Filipino heritage over the course of the whole film. It’s good.

This is what I noticed about Filipino families: the middle-class and the not-so-capable class (I don’t know what politically correct term would be appropriate to use) want their kids to become lawyers and doctors and will work extra hard in order to “make their kids experience the value of a good education”. Somewhere there they also try to live out their frustrations in their kids (for a better explanation, listen to Perfect by Alanis Morissette because, frankly, I’m kinda tired right now to think it through. Oh yeah, best example: Little Miss Philippines. Notice how the mothers coach their kids during the talent portion when the kid just obviously wants to go home, eat, play, watch TV, remove the big head dress in her head) or force feed it to the kid like the kid didn’t have any say on the matter. That child will be their key to having a better life. The rich people, on the other hand, the ones who can afford to pay tuition fees for the really good medical and law schools, have kids who do whatever they want. More often they’re into music, film making, literature, and the arts. The works. They get to do things that make them happy and complete them as individuals, they get to study more extensively about things only similar other rich people can relate to, which doesn’t really help the economy or improve the lives of other countless Filipinos but they’re supposedly doing the right thing. They’re into things they consider relevant but don’t really mean anything to other not-so well off people, which is logical. You can’t really understand art and existentialism and other “–isms” if you’re too busy working your butt off just so you can eat your next meal.

We, as a race, also put too much attention to the status of an individual in the society. Despite the influence of Western culture and technology, we still live in the dark ages. We’re still old school in the sense that we only respect people based on their last names, the property they own. We do not give equal importance to others, regardless of the fact that they are doing an honest job. Even if it’s an honest job, if it’s not a high paying job, if it’s not a glamorous job, if you don’t get to rub elbows with important people, YOU’RE NOTHING. We don’t pay attention to people whom we think are not rich enough. That is the old people’s definition of cool: money, fame, power.

Eddie Garcia as the patriarch sorta reminded me of my father. When he was getting mad at Tirso for rendering a song for his wife and daughter in the program, I kinda felt I was Tirso, getting a scolding because I’m not good enough, I haven’t accomplished anything and I will never amount to anything. Gina Alajar was fantastic, especially at the part where she feeds Ben’s white friends (“you boys are so skinny, don’t your parents feed you?”). Oh, and would you look at that? Fe Delos Reyes was even in the movie (Fe who?) and she turns up with a really great performance. Wanna see an example of what I was talking about last time, about Filipino women marrying foreigners? Fe does a good job of portraying them (although I admit, not all women are like that); we also get to see women who like to mock and backstab other women. Making tsismis isn’t just exclusively a trait we have here in the R.P.; apparently women everywhere regardless of nationality do that.

It was an interesting movie that deals with Filipinos in America. It was shown here without much hype, not as much as, let’s say, American Adobo, where they ate most of the time. In The Debut, I, at least got to see a lot more people eating, other than the stars in the film. The best part was seeing white people partying, jumping; slam dancing to Slapshock’s Agent Orange.

and so we start again . . .

The first day, Monday, was actually fun. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it immensely. Somebody actually thought I was interesting, although he didn’t show up for work the next day and someone even took note of my favorite food. Same questions people normally would ask on a first day but I was surprised with the answers I came up with.

Thing that most people don’t know about you:
My life has been an open book and some people even presume to know who or what I really am, what I want to do in life, what I have to do, the things I can and cannot do. But what you guys probably don’t know is that I used to have this thing for Randy Santiago. Yes, you read that right. RANDY SANTIAGO. I was in grade 4, I was young. People are allowed to commit mistakes in their youth. We are allowed certain amount of time to improve our tastes. I’d like to think I did. In all fairness, I actually thought that he released good songs then. Why else would people in the pop industry revive some of them now?

Dream vacation:
London. Paris. New York. ANYWHERE in the world without my dad.

Most embarrassing moment:
Making out in a movie theater with my jologs boyfriend. They turned on the lights so they could play the national anthem.

Would you rather be cool or hot? Neither, because I’m already both. =) Just kidding.
You don’t think of yourself as hot or cool. People will tell you if you’re hot or if you’re cool, depending on their definition of what is cool/hot to them and what is cool/hot to you. I do not like labels.

What food do you pig out on? Italian food. Pasta and pizza, what else?

Our trainer treated us to a film showing the next day. We got to watch The Debut so we can compare how kids who grew up in the U.S. speak in English and how kids who grew up here speak in English. I also managed to miss Constantine Maroulis perform when he was here last Wednesday but I guess that’s just the way it is.

It was a good week. My colleagues are good people, except for one. "It" is not exactly bad but "it" is a bit rough around the edges and tends to annoy everybody else. Everybody else gets along fine. This early I'd like to think that my colleagues love me, or appreciate me, at least, and I love them. No reason for my old colleagues to feel bad because I love all of them. Not bad, huh?

Saturday, November 12, 2005

things that will piss you off if you stay in a computer shop too long

1. you will eventually hurt your eyes from surfing the net, playing an online game;

2. when asked how long they will surf the net, you say 1 HOUR, or 2 hourS. not 1 hourS, okay?

3. you will not see reruns of the shows MONK, NUMB3RS, and HOUSE;

4. London is not in the United States, they are from two different continents, one is in North America, the other one is in Europe;

5. a testimonial (in Friendster, Myspace, Downelink, etc.) is something a person writes about you, it's how s/he feels, thinks about you. this is normally given by the other person gratuitously. it is different from a message. a message is anything that you want to say to the other person, which only that person can read. a testimonial, once approved, will be seen by other people who will read your profile. i normally wouldn't approve messages in my testimonial section, i only approve them as a matter of courtesy.

6. despite efforts by great educated women to uplift standards of how we are to be perceived, there are still some women out there whose only dream in life is to be married to a foreigner. while you have high respect for these people (i'm sure they have their reasons the same way i don't want to be married. yet.), you suddenly lose it when they impose themselves on you like, "you should get married", or, "since you work in a call center, you must meet a lot of Americans, maybe you'll marry one". i'm sorry, ma'am, but i do not share your enthusiasm.

7. no matter how you try to influence people to listen to original music or music that makes sense, they would still prefer listening to crap like Cueshe, Nina, MYMP and other people who rip off originals. they don't want to listen to Sugarfree, Rivermaya, Session Road, Ciudad, Twisted Halo, Urban Dub, Sheila and the Insect and the like. no matter how you just want to try to amuse yourself in your own shop by listening to mp3s and cds of people you like, they will request to hear crap;

8. being treated like a stupid employee by your own father. even my supervisors were nicer;

9. having LSS of the online game tunes. makes you miss the hold music playing in the office while waiting for second level to pick up;

10. being around anorexic women. thankfully i know how to spell and read, things like that, so i don't really mind being over my ideal weight;

11. being around kids who don't take a bath, brush their teeth, or at least comb their hair;

12. being around kids who spend more time to update Friendster profiles rather than their knowledge of math, history, etc.

i guess there are more things to be pissed off about staying in our shop too long. but like i said, i have better things to do.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

that 80's something

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I first heard Depeche Mode’s Somebody in my cousin’s 18th birthday. A girl was playing the piano and a guy sang the song. That was ages ago. Like 80’s ago.

I got reacquainted with the song when I reached first year high school and I met my friend Ace. But then again, I got reacquainted with the whole genre of music. I have been listening to most of the songs for the most part of my adolescence but never really knew until he told me. I listened to New Order’s Bizarre Love Triangle, Tears for Fears’ Shout and Everybody Wants to Rule the World, A-Ha’s You Are the One and their cover of Crying in the Rain, among other things. Of course, there's also the theme from The Breakfast Club, Don't You Forget About Me.

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I knew that Boy George was a man, but I also thought that he was very beautiful. I’m not really that old, although writing about the 80's might give away my age. I just found it weird that I knew most of the songs, I sang along to them, followed the song when it was played on the radio and took the lyrics down but never really knew who sang them until after high school and the early part of college (think ’94) when the whole grunge scene was already taking effect. Eraserheads had already opened the door for the eruption of the first band explosion and here I was, still brushing up on my new wave knowledge. I’m a huge fan of Depeche Mode and became an even bigger fan after I got a copy of their album, Some Great Reward.

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I also like Tears for Fears, Duran Duran, U2, and The Cure. My cousin used to have a whole collection of Duran Duran records.Now that I think about it, there was this girl in my elementary school who said she idolized Milli Vanilli, the fake one. I wonder where she put her collection. Anyway, by the time I realized I was crazy over Duran Duran; my cousin had disposed of her albums. I had to wait for the aforementioned bands to come up with their Best of’s and Greatest Hits Collections.

The Eighties was an era of big hair (which brought about the depletion of the Ozone layer), spandex, shoulder pads, acid wash, and other icky stuff which thank God, I didn’t have the money for, but a lot of great music came from that era. And I don’t just mean new wave. Sure, there are the really heavy metal tunes with the long guitar solos. I mean only new wave. Just kidding. It was a great era for pop, rock (although I don't agree with some of the tunes that came out), ballads and even for pinoy rock. I most especially loved The Dawn. I loved their music. I cried when Teddy Diaz was killed, just like we all mourned for Kurt Cobain in the 90's.
I know this is funny, but the 80's was a great era of music and most of the songs being ripped off and rehashed now actually come from that decade. People, i think Yael of Sponge Cola is cute, but Madonna is the original singer of Crazy for You, okay? And like I've mentioned before, Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan did a duet of Especially For You. We're grateful that the 50 First Dates OST did reggae versions of new wave hits, and they were great covers too. The fashion is making a comeback, but in its refined form and no more big hair. We're trying to save the planet by not using Aqua Net. I miss the music: long guitar solos and not vocalists who try to stretch the song long after the band has stopped playing; original stuff from creative minds. You can't beat that. Not to mention, some of the Filipino artists/vocalists/composers that we have now, grew up in the 80's, and somehow influenced the music that we're listening to now. Yes, i bet even Cueshe listened to the 80's shit I'm talking about here. It could explain why they've ripped off so much and suck badly at it.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

they're growing up to be sooo hot!!!

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i just love the harry potter series. i love the british actors who bring to life the characters we have grown to love.the fourth installment of the harry potter series was finally shown in london sunday (even Madonna was there to see it) and will be premiering soon in local shores.


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the weasley twins, at least one of them, would like to be villain in a future bond movie or be james bond himself. that ain't so bad. if we're lucky, we'll see a brit version of face off, with james and oliver phelps against each other.

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emma is growing to be such a hottie and bad boy tom felton, let's all wish, does not end up being a member of some boy band. we wonder if he could sing. look at that smile, kinda reminds us of robbie williams.

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daniel is growing up to be one real poster boy, as seen in this photo. calvin klein model in the making?

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ron, on the london premiere of harry potter and the goblet of fire.

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doug payne is the hot cute guy with a beautiful nose on the left. of course, there's fran healey, third from left. God, i miss this band.

and ron, or rupert. don't even get me started on rupert, showing up on premieres wearing a coat and jeans. way cool if you ask me. he reminds me of douglas payne, bass player of scottish band travis (why does it always rain on me, flowers in the window), although there really is no resemblance at all. the boy has the makings of a british rock star. i wonder if he plays the guitar when he's not reading harry potter books.

we're patiently waiting for harry potter and the triwizard tournament to arrive at a nearby theater so we'll just have to make do with these neat neat photo ops.

Friday, November 04, 2005

She was the only man he ever loved.

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I’m going gaga over Lee Pace right now. The man is sooo beautiful. I enjoyed watching Wonderfalls on Star World where he and this other cute guy, Tyron Leitso, were mainstays and was disappointed to know that the show didn’t get picked up for another season.

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Brief description of the show: A Philosophy degree holder, Jaye Tyler, works as a clerk in a souvenir shop near the Niagara Falls and lives in a trailer park. The souvenirs start talking to Jaye and make her do stuff. When she doesn’t listen or do what they say, the toys sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall until she finally does. She has a lesbian sister, Sharon. Lee plays her brother Aaron who has a PhD in I-forgot (he also flirts and eventually falls in love with Jaye’s Afro-American-Irish-Indian best friend, Mahandra, who works in the bar. Now you see why I love this show? It has lesbians, mixed race relationships and talking stuffed animals!!!) Tyron plays the bartender in the bar she likes to hang out in. Tyron is the love interest.

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Anyway, I looked up Lee Pace in the internet and was very impressed with his credentials. The guy won Breakthrough Performance by an Actor in the IFP Gotham Awards for his portrayal of Calpernia Addams in the movie Soldier’s Girl. It's the true story of a young soldier beaten to death for falling in love with a transgendered nightclub performer. Lee gives a breakthrough performance as a drag queen in love with a soldier who is brutally murdered for this relationship. I saw photos of the real Calpernia Addams. She is a doll. I also saw photos of Lee as Calpernia, he is even more beautiful. The only time I forget Lee is when I see Marty Casey in the Rockstar: INXS reruns. I didn't really notice that Daphna was cute. She always had her hair in her face. Again, I digress.

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Like I said, I love beauty. and Lee is a beauty.

You have to love a man in a dress.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Angel: you do everything to protect your family

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i was so happy to see Connor on Angel again. Vincent Kartheiser made a guest appearance on season 5 of Angel, as seen on Star World. his parents went to Wolfram and Hart to ask for help from Angel and company after they see Connor's bizarre abilities (apparently the kid got run over by a huge truck and is still alive to tell the story) and need explanations.

of course, Angel goes ballistic over the fact that his son is in the law office lobby when he specifically agreed to heading the Los Angeles branch of the cursed law office so connor wouldn't have to be there. nobody remembers who Connor is and since Wesley is still obsessing over Fred's death, letting himself get brainwashed by Yleria who looks exactly like Fred (of course, she killed Fred, hello?!), he just wouldn't accept angel's explanation that he can handle the case. Gunn is still in a hell dimension while spike is being used as Yleria's punching bag. angel tries to train connor to do battle with tristan.

the thing is, Connor has to be the one to kill this guy so that he could keep being in the family where he is loved and away from demons and Angel and Wolfram and Hart. but in order to kill the demon, he has to be the ruthless killer which Angel didn't want him to be. tricky.

fortunately, after Wesley drops Connor's memories, he remembers who Connor is but doesn't really disrupt Connor in general. or so Angel thinks. syempre, Connor might just be faking it because he does a nasty job in killing the demon, as per prophecy. we will know, by the end of the season. ='(

Connor is all hyped up and excited to get back to his old family (by old family, we mean, the normal mortal family) and you just wished Angel would hug Connor a last time before he rides the elevator. but, he doesn't. you kind of get hints that maybe Connor wanted to tell Angel something but he doesn't really say it. and Angel just let Connor go away.

sob.

Monday, October 31, 2005

SOCO case number something something

You should be very proud of yourself, you who delight in other people’s sufferings, particularly mine. This story should interest you.

Our shop got robbed (again!) today.

I’m very disappointed with the police. This is the second time this has happened to us. Unless you count 2003, when some guys wanted to hold us up and my then girlfriend M couldn’t care less if I died or not and that other time when they did hold us up and my father was there instead of me. I was very close to Tyrone at the time, I didn’t know who else to talk to. Every time I’d feel bad, I’d have this sudden urge to call or text him because my girlfriend was already falling in love with her dentist and was openly flirting with other people as well. Anyway, I digress.

It/they took valuable stuff as always. Not really a lot, but the valuable ones, like they had prior information of which ones to take. It just devastated my father so much.

I am very disappointed because when this first happened, it was Christmas. Now they hit us at the only time I get to visit my mother and few police officers are able to respond immediately because they’re all in the cemeteries making sure nobody brings prohibited drugs, alcohol, guns or pointed objects when people visit their dead.

I’m disappointed because the SOCO (Scene of Crime Operations, although CSI still sounds better) still don’t have the proper equipment like investigators should; that there were so many onlookers but no real witnesses who could testify that they saw something or someone wreck the place; that it was so hard for us to earn the money to acquire all the property that was taken away from us (think eight months taking calls for MCI); that even if they investigate, nothing will happen and whoever these people are, they’ll be scot free to ruin somebody else’s lives.

Sometimes, I feel bad because these police officers seem to be doing their jobs, but there are those police officers who don’t want to do their jobs, so even if they work their asses off, nothing still gets done. But then again, you can see that in any working environment. The only difference is that we taxpayers want to make sure we know where our taxes go. We want to make sure the good apples don’t give in to the bureaucracy. I would like to see my taxes be used to buy more high tech equipment, like the ones they use in CSI so that the police officers can do their jobs more accurately, more efficiently and yes, more expediently. I really wish that aside from the training they get, they’re also made to watch CSI episodes, all of them. They could really learn a lot. No kidding. You should see the equipment that they used. You’d wonder if they ever actually found anything, if they ever actually caught anyone with the stuff they used.

Oh well, si Lord na lang bahala sa inyo. What goes around comes around.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

my friend from the middle of nowhere

I first met her through the internet. She wrote me a letter in one of those friend networks. I was really flattered because she seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me and having someone show her around (she didn’t really make me feel obligated, but i wanted to), recommend music (Paramita, Orange and Lemons, Rivermaya, Cynthia Alexander) she could bring back to her country. Things like that. We didn’t really get to meet until months later, after my bar exams, when I had time to surf the internet, while looking for a job. She didn’t really take it against me that I was tardy on our first meeting, or that I had to go home early, because I was living in another planet. Now, I wasn’t really looking for a relationship, neither was she. We were just both crazy about ideas and talking about them over coffee and cigarettes. Those were a nice three days (or was it four? Can’t remember) that I had with her, never mind if I had to travel two hours just to be with her.

Right now I have no idea where she is, but I believe she is where duty calls her. I miss her though. We did promise to write when we weren’t too busy. I just hope she hasn’t forgotten about me though, because she was really great to talk to. We could talk about anything and not feel embarrassed or ashamed or scared of what the other person might think after we’ve said it. She was wonderful. And funny. Oh yeah, did I mention she was hot?

I miss you, El. Don’t be a stranger.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

kate moennig is still the hottest babe for me

"Kate, vous etes une super nana."

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she is sooo wonderful to look at. i wish we had the L Word shown here. i wish i could say that to her face, that she's such a wonderful woman.

look at that face. yeah, yeah, i have this thing for women who look like guys and guys who look like girls. look at that nose, those cheeks, those fingers, (i'm also trying to get a pair of pants like that in the r.p., you know, ones that fit me), that neckline, those dimples, those lips. she looks good on anything.

she looks good on me =)

she looks good period.

kasi nga libre mangarap.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

when she sang this, you were the first thing that popped into my head

this was first performed by Miss Deanna Johnston and later on by Sweet Suzie McNeil on Rockstar: INXS. i think a local band named Hourglass covered it as well. this song is for you. yes, i'm still hung up on Ralph even after all this frigging time that i haven't seen him. yes, a lot of people are still shaking, scratching their heads and saying, "why him, why Ralph?". i have no idea. if i had, this wouldn't have been a problem. anyway, sweetie, hope you're happy in PCS. both of you. =)

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I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize -
don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Rockstar INXS: nothing wrong with living in the trees just as long as you're with me

it can cuss, yes, but it cannot spell.

***

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I’ve put this off for too long: MARTY CASEY IS SOOO HOT.

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Jason Dean Fortune, you’re great, honey. I congratulate you for being the new vocalist of INXS (just like I knew you would win). but if you’re hot, Marty is definitely hotter, and I’m glad he didn’t win. I don’t have anything against INXS, I love their band. I just think it would be nice if Marty got recognized for his talent because honestly, Marty and INXS are not good together. JD and INXS are a perfect match. I said it here before, JD is the one who best approximates the voice of the late Michael Hutchence and it’s right and ripe for the kind of music INXS plays.

anyway, back to Marty: ABC Channel 5 (that's local RP free TV) will be showing reruns of Rockstar: INXS and that would be a perfect opportunity for all of us to see from the beginning how it is to make the instant rockstar. i think it was Scott Garceau who said that it's American Idol, with tattoos and a lot of black nail polish. it would also introduce people to music they wouldn't normally listen to. also, for those who are not familiar with INXS, you'd be able to hear their songs as interpreted by the finalists. you'd be surprised to see JD spend time in the bottom 3 in the first few weeks of the show. and you'll fall in love with this song by Marty Casey, pretty catchy tune called "Trees", lyrics of which i got here. you'll also appreciate this really great song by Bonnie Raitt entitled "i can't make you love me" (my other love song for Ralph), lyrics to follow.

Trees by Marty Casey

I don't want to go through this life

Without you by my side
And I've got it all worked out
in my head
Here's how it's got to be

It'll be you and me
up in the trees
and the forest will give us the answers

We, we're make believe
in a world we rule together

We can build our dreams
with a knot tied tight
to last forever

It'll be you and me
up in the trees
and the forest will give us the answers

It'll be you and I
up in the sky
it's a combination for disaster

We've got one shot -
so where do we go from here ?

It'll be you and me
up in the trees
and the forest will give us the answers

It'll be you and I
up in the sky
it's a combination for disaster

And I know
there's more for us in this life

Friday, October 07, 2005

i resign from things i don't like

current mood: pissed off
currently listening to: thanks to the moon's gravitational pull by sandwich

i don't understand how i could be a member of a group that i do not support or believe in. i didn't even sign up for it. somebody must've switched it or made a mistake. i would try anything once, except sex, yes. i may still have inhibitions, you can call me a prude if you want (but i don't think everybody will buy that statement). but there are things, i think, that you keep sacred, that is, you only do them with the people you respect and care about. hindi na nga love eh, basta nirerespeto mo 'yung tao na kasama mo, at nirerespeto ka niya, okay na.

I AM A BISEXUAL, NOT A PERVERT.

I HOPE WE GOT THAT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

i always kinda wanted my nickname to be "sam" or "bender"






Take the Which Brat Pack Character Am I? Quiz

i kinda look like Judd Nelson, don't i? and the boy of my dreams, before he became supervisor, stayed in the corner. oh well.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

angry girl journal entry 09.22.2005

I was going to forego the whole blogging thing until after the bar exams are over. I already had some drafts saved in my head and in the system about how hard the exams were, about how I assisted my kids in the band to the point that I sort of neglected studying the most important subject of all law subjects, about JD Fortune winning Rockstar INXS, about my simple yet symbolic (for me, anyway – I’m still in chains) henna tattoo (which I’m trying so desperately to hide from the old man), about frequent lunches and dinners with the tall thin cute guy who plays guitar and has dimples, in short, EVERYTHING, after the exams. But like I always say, writing, blogging, has been the forum for people who want to exercise free speech. It is something that the State and our basic law, the Constitution, protects. I write out of fear, sadness, guilt, pleasure (even that of the sexual kind, presence or absence of it), bliss, and my constant, ANGER. Today I feel the need to express that anger. Oh yeah, it was aggravated because i sat through the whole ride home listening to the music in the FX: the Cueshe album. No amount of chocolate chip endorphine could flush it out.

Let me just say this: helping the band makes me forget Ralph. The downside to it is that I have associated Ralph with studying, so I kinda forget about studying as well and this is Remedial Law we’re talking about. Anyway, I supervise the kids. I don’t meddle with their repertoire but I suggest stuff. I was going to let it slide, how she, M, my ex-girlfriend, who is also taking the bar, humiliated me in front of the new member. I was going to let go her snide remarks about the unexpectedness of the practices and how she suddenly finds the time to "listen to and critique" (I think the exact word is terrorize) what the kids have done so far. But I cannot let go of the fact that she made it sound and look like I forced these kids into playing something they didn’t like. She is hell. Her name is hell; just put M in the beginning of her name. That’s her. Can’t believe I loved her for three fucking years.

Just because you are 100 years old, you live with your dentist-girlfriend in your pathetic little world where all you listen to is Paolo Santos, Nina, Freestyle, Side A, Nat King Cole, Michael Buble, Josh Groban, etc. (my apologies to people who listen to these artists, I mean no harm), it doesn’t mean that everybody else is crap. Just because you don’t know or you’re not familiar with the song, it does not mean that it’s not good. Hello?! Even Love Radio, YES FM and 101 For Life play Hanggang Kailan. Akap is in MYX and MTV. I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t know Kitchie Nadal. People go to this website just to tell ME they love HER. MYMP has made so much money with Especially for You that even if Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan are still alive; they’re already turning in their future graves! And, hello?! Who has not heard of Suntok sa Buwan? What woman/girl/person cannot relate to the story of a lady who’s sick and tired of waiting for this jerk of a guy who just leads her on? And in case you have forgotten, M, my P.O.T. tape, the one that has Panaginip, got lost when your bag was stolen. These kids, well, some of them, were initially not familiar with some of the songs because, let’s face it: I am the Goddess but I don’t force what music I like with my kids. They can listen to whatever they want, play whatever they want, it’s their band now. But they like these songs after hearing them, so it’s only my influence, but not my choice of songs. And they actually sound great. You can’t play full scale and sing R&B and love songs. People in the bar site want lively songs or songs with edge, assist them in getting drunk. You cannot really showcase these kids’ talents by asking them to play Crazy for You, Constantly and Tell Me Where It Hurts. You play those songs in February, when everybody is in love. Buti nga hindi ako nag-suggest ng Boldstar, Paramita, Sugarfree, Damien Rice, Aqualung, Gavin deGraw, (to name a few), eh di naloka ka. The fact that you don’t know who they are doesn’t change the fact that they play great music, that they’re really good.

Just shove it in my face if you’re a lawyer by next year and I’m not. If you have a problem with the line-up, GO TO ME, TALK TO ME, DEAL WITH ME. DON’T PUT WORDS INTO THESE KIDS’ MOUTHS THAT MAYBE I FORCED THEM INTO PLAYING SONGS THAT YOU DON’T LIKE. Besides, you and I, when we were still together, remember? We said it ourselves; we told Kevin and Jess when we left and graduated that we were going to let them choose their own repertoire. Kevin’s on leave and Jess is here. Sorry ka, Jess and I and even the new member, Aura and her boyfriend, our sessionist, JC, listen to the same shit you don’t like. And you said it yourself, “Hindi na’ko makikialam diyan, pabayaan mo na mga residente diyan!” So don’t give them statements such as, “Wag niyo na uulitin na gawin ‘yan!” because, you’re not supposed to meddle with them. Supply-an mo sila ng R&B and Pop na music book but they have the option to use it or not, gets?

That’s the difference between supervision and control. Supervision is the overseeing of the subordinate’s acts, control is the power to alter, modify, the act of the subordinate. When you come up with a statement like that, you’re controlling what they can play so that they can conform to your taste. That’s meddling.

Okay, now that that’s out of my head, I can go study now.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

there's so much more to Filipino music than the covers

i hate it that when i go to a store and look for song magazines and i see that on the OPM section most of the songs there are from balladeers/acoustic acts who do covers. that, or songs from cheerleaders and bands that are okay but whom i think get leverage because their vocalist is cute/their songs are mushy. how were they referred to by KC Montero? oh, POGI rock.

when i have kids, assuming that i will have them someday, i want them to learn about the real original Filipino music, the ones that speak about our culture, what we go through in the most creative manner. it's true: i am in a band and we hold shows to raise funds singing covers but that's just it. we don't make albums out of them. i want them to hear about Joey Ayala, the Hayp and Rage bands, Cynthia Alexander, Pinikpikan, the Eraserheads, the Dawn, the Juan dela Cruz band, etc. i want them to learn about the new bands, the indie ones. i don't have anything against Sponge Cola, Hale and Cueshe for making it big. i'm glad for them. kaso nga lang, if kids today are open to their kind of music, i hope that they'd be open to music from other bands, the ones that do have good looking members, but have good music as well. i'm not saying the above-mentioned bands have lousy music or that they don't have staying power. maybe i just happen to be very selfish with music. like, the time that Maroon5 and Evanescence became big. Maroon5 has some songs other than This Love and She will be Loved. Evanescence has cool songs other than My Immortal and Bring Me To Life. you know what i mean.

obviously i don't like Nina and MYMP. nothing against them. i am just sick and tired of Love Moves in Mysterious Ways and Tell Me Where It Hurts. they're good songs which when you hear the first time in a long time, sound really nice and good and make you want to sing along. but when you hear them over and over and over and over, it makes you want to puke. i am not kidding. have we run out of ideas that we have to resort to covers? Urban Dub's version of Sade's No Ordinary Love is riveting. when you hear them do it, you fall in love with the song again because they've put a new twist to the song. call me old fashioned but that's just me.

i am also sick of double-meaning songs. come on, Filipinos can do better than lyrics such as, "ang gusto ko sa isang guy yung malaki, yung malaki . . . ang wallet". it's disgusting. i don't want my kids to hear that. i just hope that by the time i have kids of my own, they wouldn't have to hear crap like that. i may not have won any award for being nice or smart or cute or for singing nicely but at least, after a string of asshole boyfriends/girlfriends, really bad songs are not something you can attribute to me.

i just hope people can try to be more open to really good music. i'm not trying to impose my taste of music on other people. i respect what they listen to. i just hope they can be more open. that's all i ask. there's so much more to Filipino music than the covers.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

don't wanna be lonely no more

when i started reviewing again, i suddenly felt so alone. i've been with my friends from the office most of the time that law school felt like a whole new environment again. and i spent some four years here. i felt uneasy. i felt weird. i didn't hang out with anybody so much, except to smoke but most of the time i am alone.

i'm used to being alone. it just gets lonely sometimes.

i know i should be focusing on the bar and not thinking about ralph too much. i also know that you don't really have to have someone to be happy. it's just that, when you're alone, you kinda have so much time to look at everybody else and notice just how alone you are and just how happy they are. there are so many pregnant married women in school right now that i envy them and want to get pregnant (with the right sperm donor, of course) myself. pathetic, di ba?

i try to show everybody that i don't care, when in fact, i do. i try to focus. but sometimes, no matter how strong you are, you get faced with your own mortality: i want to be happy, i want to be fearless, i want to be guiltless. i want less angst on my resume.

maybe i should just go back to reading and not worry about trivial stuff.

the post is open, though.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Rockstar INXS: only five are left

the good thing about watching Rockstar INXS is, if you're not into rock music, you will be. and if you're already into rock music, you will love it some more. after Ty Taylor was eliminated, only 5 people remain and one of them could be the new vocalist of INXS.

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i thought JD's version of Come As You Are was really cool. it really brought out the dynamics of his voice. it gaves me goose bumps for a while, like Jim Morrison was doing a cover Kurt Cobain's artistry. to me, the quality of JD's voice best approximates the voice of the late Michael Hutchence.

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i think i loved Deanna's version of I Can't Make You Love Me better. i don't know. maybe Suzie will be the next vocalist of the band. from queen of the bottom three, she worked her way up. good job.

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now that i think about it, karla is right: Mig does look a little bit like Vic Sotto. of course, without any bias, i love Hard to Handle and i liked his original song. it touched my heart =)

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like Mig, i also now think that Jordis looks a lot like Allona (someone always saying goodbye). she kinda missed a note or two (just like i thought Suzie made a mistake in Bohemian Rhapsody) but it was forgivable. i enjoyed her original song co-written with Marty, Try Not.

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i am in love with the Foo Fighters' Everlong. when Ty performed it, i thought it wasn't that good so Ty spent time in the bottom three. but Marty's version was really great. i love the way Marty is angry but his eyes really seem to pull you closer. oh, and i'm crazy about the original song, Trees. it reminds me of Ralph and the fact that i'm still thinking about him even though i have to study.

i still don't know who will be the next vocalist of INXS and now that i think about it, there are people here whom i don't want to be a part of INXS because they can be part of something much bigger than INXS. i'm not saying that INXS is small. i just know that there's a possibility that if a woman gets the job, i might feel uneasy even if that woman deserved it. i mean, look at the E'heads. Cris Gorra is a wonderful vocalist but i couldn't like the E'heads anymore when she replaced Ely Buendia. just like Marcus Adoro ( E'heads guitarist) said, "it wasn't doing my sanity any good". hence, they became Cambio.

anyway, boi bitch made a comment when i asked him to vote for Mig Ayesa and i suddenly thought that he has a point and you know how i love it when he does: Do we really need another Jasmine Trias?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

it's all about compassion

Question: how was the exam?

Answer: just like a penis: long and hard.

i couldn't help but smile during my Labor Law exam. in one of the problems, the name given to one of the characters was Mans Weto. it really cracked me up. it's Ralph's last name. =)

the guy in seat #5:
first twenty minutes of the exam, the examinee in seat number 5 in room number 402 of the Yuchengco building in La Salle, male, who looked a little bit like my late classmate Vincent (died in a car accident), had an epilectic seizure. then he got back to normal. he said he was fine but he had several mini attacks after that and he had to be led out so that medical officers could assist him. other examinees who are probably not aware of epilepsy kept on making really insensitive side comments which really irritated me. sure, as an examinee, you have a right not to be disturbed in the middle of your exam, but you have to understand, this man has rights too. he probably didn't want to admit that he had the sickness because he didn't want any special treatment or because he was embarrassed. but what if YOU were the one with epilepsy? what if other people made fun of YOU while YOU were having a seizure?

my frat brother who was so drunk:
when i arrived after the exam, my frat brother was unconscious. he was either tired from taking care of the other barristers or drunk. he vomitted in his sleep. i wish he didn't drink so much. i wish they wouldn't make him drink so much. i wish they didn't make fun of him after he got unconscious.

roommate from hell strikes again:
go on, ask me why i didn't rent a room with my "sister" this year. i just arrived from the exam to our bar site. our bar ops chairman, anna, handed me over some food which i took to the Epsilon spot. roommate from hell probably just arrived. she didn't take the exam, she's just there to make an appearance but she wants to be treated as special as if she took the exam. she couldn't find any forks. she "borrowed" mine right before i could say "yes". i was too tired from the exam to even argue. the point is: i'm tired, i took the frigging long exam, i'm hungry. if you're hungry, why couldn't you get your own fork, look for it using your eyes, not your mouth. why should people make a big deal out of your presence? you didn't take the exam, you're not nice to people so they don't take care of you as much. after she left, i ate my pansit and another serving of palabok.

the Golden rule is still, to me, one of the best laws ever formulated: Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

here we go again

Wake Me Up When September Ends
Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

exams start on sunday again. i just want to get this over and done with. if i don't make it again, i still have three tries. of course, i can't always put my life on hold just because a bunch of old geezers don't think i'm good enough to be a member of the legal profession. but i wanna be lawyer now. i want to be a lawyer not just because my father wants me to be one. i want to be a lawyer not just because i want to prove something to these horrible people who want nothing but to see me fail, i want to be a lawyer because i want people who know and love me will be proud of me. i want my mother jumping up and down in heaven after she knows i passed. i want each and every one of my friends to be happy, that all their efforts praying for me and helping me paid off. i want to be able to help them and other people. also, i want to teach.

it never occured to me that i wanted to teach the law until i started reviewing again. it can also be the fact that i've watched Dead Poets Society and Mona Lisa Smile too many times. you can't really teach the law unless you're a lawyer. i want the people who come in to law school to love the law as much as i've learned to love it. i didn't like law school the first time i went in here. it felt like prison. no, i didn't start liking it because of the band and my ex-girlfriends. but i love it now, and i still have the same idealisms. i want to be able to change the fucking system. i want to share that to whoever comes in and wants to be a lawyer. you have to learn the law by heart first, before you know how to break it. and i want so much to be with the bright young minds of the R.P. get to them first before the system corrupts them. that simple.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

oo nga ano?

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i've been so focused on reading, thinking about this guy from work named Ralph, ways on how to help the Lex Palooza and other people that i totally forgot that it's my birthday on saturday, the 27th. damnit, i'm going to get old again. i'm always sad on my birthday. birthdays are supposed to be happy but for some weird reason, i always manage to see or feel something to make me depressed. whatever.

another year older and i only have this much money to my name. i'm supposed to be some heiress to this fortune which i can't really touch because the old man is still alive and giving me pressure and shit. oh, and i'm not yet a lawyer. i only have eight months worth of experience as a call center agent, three years, make that four years, as a band member, forever the struggling writer. not to mention, i like to run after people i cannot have.

the story of my life. twenty-eight years (although i look younger) and this is what i have to show for.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

a tradition worth saving

current mood: thwarted
currently listening to: Parachutes by Coldplay, particularly Shiver
still thinking about: Ralph and how to pass the bar

Lex – Latin for the word law

Palooza - a gathering of people with diverse interests, musical or otherwise

Band – more than three armed malefactors acting together in the commission of an offense; group of musicians playing together


Lex Palooza is the official band of the UE College of Law. I was very fortunate I got to be part of this very wonderful tradition. There isn’t any other law school, as far as I can remember, which has their own band (or dance group for that matter. I’m not sure if they remember this, but it was my idea to form one. And I have no sense of grace whatsoever. I just suggested it so that they can perform while we rested) and we were the first, if other law schools followed suit. If there was a fund-raising event or just any law school program, you can expect us to be there to perform.

Ever since M and I broke up, and then graduated, there hasn’t been much band activity. Their last performance was the pageant in 2004. I’m not saying us breaking up had adverse effects on the band (they did call us “nay” and “tay” after all), but us leaving left them a bit helpless. Most of the instruments the band used are either mine or M’s and we spent for most of the stuff the LSG couldn’t provide us with. When the Bar Operations Committee held the Mr. and Ms. UE Law last July 30, 2005, a lot of people were surprised that the band wasn’t performing.

I thought about putting up a website about the band over the weekend, a yahoo group and even its own Friendster account. I was already sorting some of the pictures of the band and I even asked Kuh to help me write the band’s history (there’s so much about me and M there after the pioneers graduated that I’d rather not be the one to put it in words). Sorting out the band pictures brought so many wonderful memories. Being in the band was fun. Sure, we had lots of arguments just trying to put up a line up (we all had different musical tastes and had a wide demographic to perform for); that’s what bands do, argue. But we had a great time. The students loved it: it was different. It gave them an outlet, a diversion. It gave us an outlet. We helped a lot of people just by performing. At least, I’d like to think so. We worked long hours, we missed classes, we stayed after classes, we spent our own money for food and equipment, but it was fun.

We met a lot of people while being in the band and it felt sorta like family just being in it. Plus you get that intangible altruistic feeling that you’re able to help people just by performing for them or by helping to attract crowds in fund-raising events.

“I hope to reunite the band” – this guy in Arrested Development who’s supposed to be Portia de Rossi’s husband

It’s too early to reunite the band. It’s only been how many years. But I do plan to revive it, for the moment. Resuscitate it, before it dies. I want to be a lawyer and come back to UE after a decade just to see the new breed of Lex Palooza perform. Darn, I’d even pay to see it. Then the other old members, we'd be there. We’d reunite and play, just for kicks.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

de-stressing

Did you know that the real Ralph Perron works as a hydrologist in the US? Incidentally, the fake one, the one i've been pining over these past few months, has gone back to using the old gray sweater he got from Adjie, the one he always wears when I fell in love with him. it's weird, because most of the pictures I have of him, he's wearing the brown one. Come to think of it, he only started wearing other colored sweaters when I said so.

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***

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I so fell in love with Mig Ayesa's version of Peter Frampton's Baby I Love Your Way. I thought Marty Casey's Hit Me, Baby, One More Time was great, it was the only time that I actually appreciated the song. it was also a great gesture, what Mig did, inviting Jordis and Marty to sing along with him, he could've hogged the limelight. Mig made me so proud I was a Filipino, even if i didn't grow up in Australia.

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Sometimes, when people in the bottom three sing their own versions of INXS songs, and they're so good at it, I find it hard to imagine how Michael Hutchence sung them when he was still alive. Bye, Jessica.

***

Today is Robert’s birthday. Robert is my college friend, who, had I still been going out with M, might have been our sperm donor. They’re both tall, they both have fair complexion, brown hair, brown eyes and they’re both Waray. M’s family is now based in Leyte (that’s why she and A live together, occasionally, I didn’t say sleep together) and Robert’s half-British, half-Visaya.

I had an opportunity to de-stress today. The guy I was with kinda reminded me of M a bit. They had the same fair complexion, they both have big tummies, they both smell good. For a while I thought I was practicing my smiling skills with M, only he didn’t have breasts and she didn’t have a penis. I had fun. It was quite tiring, though, because it took a while before he arrived. I didn’t. I always had a problem with this, remember? Or maybe it just depends on who I’m with.

Which led me to think: do I still have hang-ups about M? (NO!) am I frigid? (of course, not! i'm a hot-blooded mammal) Am I impotent? (definitely not. i have people who could attest to it) Shouldn’t I be studying right now? (most definitely)

okay, i've let it out. i can go back and read now.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Ria: after a Crow's death, a Tala shines

“All these years, I’ve denied myself of what I really am. This is what I want and what you hate but I don’t give a damn . . .”
- Hurricane, A Murder Of Crows

I loved A Murder of Crows. Or, you could say, I loved Ria Bautista. She was the drummer and vocalist of AMOC. I never really got to see them perform live, except maybe the clips of their live performances over at unTV. They’re good. I especially like the songs Not My Day and Hurricane, and Gray, which is like a rip-off of Teardrops by Massive Attack featuring Beth Orton, but who cares? I loved Ria. I loved hearing her words. I loved hearing her anguish flow through the words of the songs. I felt sad when AMOC broke up. I felt it was great talent put to waste, never to be heard of again.

I took a chance at writing Ria through email when M and I broke up and surprisingly, she replied. She was very friendly and seemed sincerely enthusiastic to hear from me. She knew where I was coming from. In not so many words, we bonded. And even if there were questions she wouldn’t answer directly, I knew she understood me.

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She has a new band now and I’m loving the album I recently bought at Tower Records SM North Edsa (I buy the local albums there in the hopes that it won’t close up.). She actually gave me a sample in one of their gigs, and she remembered me. She even knew my last name! The album by Paramita is called Tala. It’s cool. I won’t, don’t recommend albums just because I’m infatuated with their vocalist. They’re actually very good. I also won’t recommend the album because Ria looks a bit like Eliza Dushku with her hair longer now, or that it’s a novelty - a female drummer who sings, or because Ria is like me. Well, more like M. You get what I mean, don’t you?

“I can’t see me
Or someone I used to be
I can’t see you now
Or someone who used to be you

. . . When was the last time you cried?
I think it was centuries ago
A stake through the heart
And sunrise will keep you away”
- Porcelain / Sunrise, Paramita

Buy the album. Buy the album not just because you're gay but because you're for women who dig other women, you're for women who put themselves out there and prove that they can do anything. Buy the album because the music is good.

Monday, August 15, 2005

because i think homophobia is wrong

i was bloghopping and i found this post really interesting from dark beloved. repost it as well. =)

I am one of the many.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

because i had to stop reading my law books and see what's out there.

Friday, August 12, 2005

scenes we probably won't see on free R.P. TV

i remember when Willow was still going out with Tara on Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, which is by the way, one of my favorite show because of its mystical content, i found myself more glued to the show. i got pissed off when they wrote off Oz's character (the werewolf) because Buffy seemed to be sleeping with every guy (Angel, Dracula, Spike, Riley) on the show and Willow still didn't have any concrete love interest. so when they presented the angle that she was a witch who was also a lesbian, it was something. it made the whole fighting-against-evil thing a little bit more fun and sweet because they were in love and learning witchcraft at the same time. i still can't forget the scene when Tara was under a spell/Glory and when she snapped out of it, she said, "I was so lost, I was so lost." and Willow goes, "I'll find you, I'll always find you." I CRIED WHEN TARA DIED.



i'm just pissed they don't show the kissing scenes. and they're not even discreet when they cut it, it's so fucking obvious. i was also pissed about the last episodes, when everybody was getting it on the day before they were closing Hellmouth: Wood and Faith had sex, Spike and Buffy slept beside each other but they didn't show Kennedy and Willow's sex scene.



of course, they don't show The L Word here in the Philippines, which is why my groupmates in The L Word meetup group have to make do with pirated vcds and dvds. what i'm wondering about most now are the cable channels showing The O.C. and One Tree Hill. will they show the episodes on the season where Marissa hooks up with Alex?



how about those Brooke-Peyton rumors the way the Xena-Gabrielle friendship was always misunderstood but never really capitalized on? no, that's nothing. the new character in OTH is a Latina bisexual. you should check it out, see if your local cable provider will show the kissing scenes. i hope they do. it's about time we had a good portrayal of lesbians and bisexuals shown on the small screen.



i mean, they should. they owe us that since the stereotype hasn't changed: butch wearing the denim jacket, cap, rubber shoes going out with an obviously straight girl who will leave the butch for the macho dancer. shit like that. they should give us good lesbian TV if they're not going to show the L Word here. (Kate Moennig, I love you!!!)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

if constantine maroulis and bo bice were on rockstar INXS

current mood: exhausted
currently crazy about this song: My Doorbell by The White Stripes (live from the Atlanta, GA Music Festival)



i don't know. what do you think?

first of all, they'd have limited song choices. unlike in American Idol where they can pick from a roster of songs, here, they'd have to compete with the other rockers with the song that best fits their personality. in AI, they'd stand out, of course, considering they were the only rockers there. but this is a competition of rockers with Dave Navarro slowly transforming into Paula Abdul. so you could say that they might have difficulty standing out. but i bet that they'd give INXS a hard time choosing because they're so talented, hot and they're both very sensational performers. oh yeah, and Constantine wouldn't be voted out in favor of Scott Savol =)



among the contenders, aside from Jordis, Mig and JD, the person i'm loving right now is Marty Casey. i really loved his acoustic rendition of Mr. Brightside by The Killers. it was awesome, don't you agree?